Ok, something to lighten the mood…
When deciding what category to place a blog, I’ve discovered that I have an extensive list. So, this blog is actually the category links. That might prove interesting. Tell me what you think.
STOP THE PRESSES
I’ve just listed A and B ….I’m going to string you along….tease ya a bit!
Ciao ciao!
😜😃😄😊
Wow, once more into the fire.
Would you, could you agree that happiness = security? That without “security” we can’t be happy?
Well, my “security” was taken away today.
(The details aren’t important as they would mean nothing to you. Not being mean or secretive, just telling the “truth.”)
Yet, I’ve not noticed a noticeable drop OR rise in my “happiness.” So is that a valid equation? I have no idea if this loss of “assumed security,” if it is a permanent or temporary situation. However, permanent or temporary the situation, ” ‘life’ will go on.”
But, I’m reflecting on conversations and observations and things are making me say hummm…
Now, one voice is calmly whispering in my ear “the universe will take care of her own.”
“your happiness level hasn’t changed because your “true” security hasn’t been taken away.”
Ok, that is one voice. The other is running the gambit. Dealing with an entire range of human emotions…..so many that I can not/am not equipped to handle them.
Anger (I am always angry. My mother says that I was an angry baby. Not a bite you angry, just this disapproving scowl. But this is different. This time I am more angry with myself for the poorly conceived decisions I made and honestly for listening to ANYTHING except my head. )
Fear (as to the next step. Where do I go from here? )
Confusion (oh my, what to do, what to do?)
Faith (I never thought I was a person of faith. I just took it for granted that if I did “a” and “b” , “c- would happen.” but, now there is something…. Can’t put a pin on it, but….)
Blame (I always go there when I do not want to accept my role in whatever less than helpful situation I find myself. But eventually I realise that I must bear the brunt on the responsibility. And the realisation that those who wrong others and gain from that will rarely accept responsibility – so why blame them?)
But of them all I am still “happy.” Well as “happy” as I allow myself. But you know what, my happiness level is the same today as it was yesterday. (well that’s not the truth, I am in a much better mood than yester-morning. But that pissy mood was banished after Thomi and her workout. Perhaps, yesterday was a trial run…instead of RE-acting today, I PRE-acted yesterday.) But all in all, I am no more “happier” than the “norm.”
So what gives? My “assumed security” is gone, yet my “happiness” is the same. How can that be?
Am I “willing” myself happy? Or is this some type of shock?
Oh well, a pui tardi!
I am of peace…most of the time.
Why do we complicate the simple?
And I awake to the thumping of some tribal music coming from the pub across the way. No biggie! Then this scream. It is the same woman, every bloody night she exits the pub and screeches. she is beyond pissed. I wonder if she will have a massive hangover. I’ll watch BEING HUMAN: US. And ramble on until sleep revisits.
I am beginning to make my preparations for my return trip to back VA. I purchase my ticket on Wednesday. I am kinda looking forward to the 18.5 hour trip…kinda. I set up a tumblr account to “photo” blog it along the way. I tell you this. As soon as I return to HR(Hampton Roads), I am heading to the beach. I have missed the sounds of the waves lapping at the shore, the taste of the salt spray, it will just be nice to be back at my centre of power. Jejejeje
I think I am going to try to combine a few draft posts into one. Ready? Set! Go!
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Had the oddest dream. I was sitting on a split rail fence, eating a kebab of roasted veggies and a huge crocodile jumps up and snatches my food, leaving me completely intact.
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I admit, I have this “fear” of returning. So much has changed and I fear that those changes have separated me from the past. Does that make any sense?
I fear a loss of freedom. I fear a loss of self. But, how can that be? Perhaps not a “loss” of self but a “submersion” of self.
But aren’t these the “feelings” one usually experiences when one returns “home?” oh my, “home” is not a building, it is a place where you’ve left a heart print
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Confession time…
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HUMAN EMOTION. Whoa now waitaminute… Hummm, maybe what I don’t understand are the complexities, the nuances of human emotion. I often tell people that I am emotionally distant (which really isn’t true). I believe that I just process stimuli differently, weigh the helpful and less than helpful outcome (as best as I can, with all available data) and thus react differently. But most times, I follow… (I don’t know what to call it…my “inner voice??”
I have also learned to take certain emotional cues from those around me. And sometimes that just confuses the hell out of me! enough about that…for now
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If we fill our hours with regrets over the failures of yesterday, and with worries over the problems of tomorrow, we have no today in which to be thankful ”
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My Lord Phoenix, soon to be 31…Ahhh, to be 30 anything again. Any plans? And a 6 month anniversary coming up…
and finally
aquarius
We may feel as if anything is possible today as the Moon’s entry into futuristic Aquarius encourages us to cut our ties to the past. Alluring Venus forms a cooperative sextile to radical Uranus, attracting us to new experiences. Venus, too, enters Aquarius, further detaching our desires from our emotions. Anticipation can set us on edge and a lack of self-restraint may empower us to overreach our limits and take risks we might normally pass by.
peace and long life
Be authentic, do not blame others for your feelings yet do not deny, ignore or reject them. Embrace your anger and allow it to burn away your illusions about yourself and others. It is a refiners fire. ~Cathy Preston
photo provided by Cathy Preston. Please visit:
This was left as a comment to a post, but it deserves to be more than a footnote.
Guard against anger erupting in body; in body, be restrained. Having abandoned bodily misconduct, live conducting yourself well in body. Guard against anger erupting in speech; in speech, be restrained. Having abandoned verbal misconduct, live conducting yourself well in speech.
- Dhammapada 17, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.
- Posted using BlogPress
The WILL and the WORD.
A phone call to ask
“how are you”
my memories
tossed away like yesterdays trash
anger over that
its like moving through syrup
no let’s use mud
looking at it now
like looking through fog
I see what I am doing
I hear what I am saying
but I can’t stop
but the anger wells up
why am I so angry
now let’s have a mini pity party
you have done NOTHING
NOTHING to warrant my
harsh words
my waspish remarks
1, 2, 3, 4
beautiful
and in my heart of hearts
(just what in the hell does that mean)
I feel the same way
but something prevents me
did I mention the pain
is that an excuse
the physical pain
the constant throb
the constant reminder that
“this is serious”
the question is always there
is today the day
a question
will I drive you away
patience
its odd
control
I no longer have it
emotions in check
that is a joke
the weekend is here
what will it bring
laughter
love
discussion
understanding
humm
another rough night
but today is a new day
I can’t wait
to spend just a few hours
basking in you
yeah the weekend is here.
I am going to leave this window open. See what comes from the random thoughts and events of the day. In addition, if I come across images that move me, you know …I’ll post them too.
OK, I changed my mind. I won’t leave the window open. One never knows who is watching/monitoring/etc. (not paranoia, just cautious)
I took my muse’s advice
I started down the path
the path… oh my DUNE has come to mind
embrace explore
I am not an expert in anything
except for how to be miserable
but that is just for today
so I am trudging along
did I mention that my first
exploration to the dark
has already cost me
a phone thrown against the wall in anger
a hole in the wall
why can’t this stop
why is now the time
I decide to “pubically”
announce this
because there are many
we are
