5 and 50 – a few observations

Hi, hello! Hiya!

Well, in two days I’ve participated in two life marking events; a fiftieth wedding anniversary celebration (yeah, there are a few people who take their wedding vows seriously) and a birthday party for a five year old girl. Both were ….WOWZERS. To see a living testament of love, fidelity and commitment was and still is amazing. On the other hand, to see the wonder and awe in the eyes of a five year old and then in a flash, see her grow from child to young girl, to woman…wow.

Moving on…

My UK guru has done it again. What has she done? She taught me a lesson. The lesson she “taught” on expectations. I’m driving the expressway— BOOYAKITTY! Expectation – My read on her “lesson”; if one puts an expectation on something or someone, a “limit” has been set, opinions start to form – thoughts start to form – helpful or unhelpful thoughts/opinions. So, mentally we have already set ourselves up before an event even happens.

(It’s actually more profound in my head as opposed to on screen). That’s all! I just thought My UK guru has done it again.

next……

Grief. Wow, I am always amazed at how freely people give advice about grief. Hey how about this…just leave the grieved alone (unless they’re suicidal or something.). But offering anecdotes about how you got over this or that. Well, yippie bloody doo for you! And as I write this the thought comes….the level of grief, I believe, is proportionate to the level of love, adoration and respect one has for the decedent. and now the voice is gone

Oops, I’ve to go. I’m needed in another place in time.

Ciao ciao.

a pui tardi!

Happiness = Security … or does it?

Wow, once more into the fire.

Would you, could you agree that happiness = security? That without “security” we can’t be happy?

Well, my “security” was taken away today.

(The details aren’t important as they would mean nothing to you. Not being mean or secretive, just telling the “truth.”)

Yet, I’ve not noticed a noticeable drop OR rise in my “happiness.” So is that a valid equation? I have no idea if this loss of “assumed security,” if it is a permanent or temporary situation. However, permanent or temporary the situation, ” ‘life’ will go on.”

But, I’m reflecting on conversations and observations and things are making me say hummm…

Now, one voice is calmly whispering in my ear “the universe will take care of her own.”

“your happiness level hasn’t changed because your “true” security hasn’t been taken away.”

Ok, that is one voice. The other is running the gambit. Dealing with an entire range of human emotions…..so many that I can not/am not equipped to handle them.

Anger (I am always angry. My mother says that I was an angry baby. Not a bite you angry, just this disapproving scowl. But this is different. This time I am more angry with myself for the poorly conceived decisions I made and honestly for listening to ANYTHING except my head. )

Fear (as to the next step. Where do I go from here? )

Confusion (oh my, what to do, what to do?)

Faith (I never thought I was a person of faith. I just took it for granted that if I did “a” and “b” , “c- would happen.” but, now there is something…. Can’t put a pin on it, but….)

Blame (I always go there when I do not want to accept my role in whatever less than helpful situation I find myself. But eventually I realise that I must bear the brunt on the responsibility. And the realisation that those who wrong others and gain from that will rarely accept responsibility – so why blame them?)

But of them all I am still “happy.” Well as “happy” as I allow myself. But you know what, my happiness level is the same today as it was yesterday. (well that’s not the truth, I am in a much better mood than yester-morning. But that pissy mood was banished after Thomi and her workout. Perhaps, yesterday was a trial run…instead of RE-acting today, I PRE-acted yesterday.) But all in all, I am no more “happier” than the “norm.”

So what gives? My “assumed security” is gone, yet my “happiness” is the same. How can that be?

Am I “willing” myself happy? Or is this some type of shock?

Oh well, a pui tardi!

I am of peace…most of the time.

strani sogni e ricordi / Strange dreams and memories

Ok, ciao, su che cosa è?
Now, for the past few nights, I’ve been in bed and asleep by 5p only per “svegliare” a un’ora empi. Whatever!

I’ve been using binaural energy to induce various states of “rest.” Last night I used the “remember” frequency. Don’t know what I hoped to remember, just wanted to see what it would do. Let’s FLASHFORWARD to a few hrs ago. I recalled with perfect clarity what I wanted to say to a languages professor DECADES AGO, but didn’t. I saw the day, what I wore, what she wore, the look on faces…as if I were reliving it again.

I recalled a conversation I had years ago. That recollection saddened me, because-well another path was taken and …

E ‘solo strano, that these two distinct, let’s take a trip back in time to … happened after listening to that certain frequency. Now as I type hurriedly, I wonder if by combining one or two of said frequencies, what effect, if any will it have on a subject. Let’s say we combine “sleep and dream” and “remember”. Humm,

What are binaural frequencies?
Binaural beats or binaural tones are auditory processing artifacts, or apparent sounds, the perception of which arises in the brain for specific physical stimuli. This effect was discovered in 1839 by Heinrich Wilhelm Dove, and earned greater public awareness in the late 20th century based on claims that binaural beats could help induce relaxation, meditation, creativity and other desirable mental states. The effect on the brainwaves depends on the difference in frequencies of each tone, for example, if 300 Hz was played in one ear and 310 in the other, then the Binaural beat would have a frequency of 10 Hz.

Have we discussed my animal guide? My animal token?

Beautiful creature, no?

I’ve been thinking about the Three Universal “Truths”. We’ll discuss those later.

Went through some old movies I hadn’t watched in a while and DUNE caught my eye….

The litany against fear is an incantation used by the Bene Gesserit to focus their minds and calm themselves in times of peril. The litany is as follows:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

a pui tardi

I do not celebrate Easter, but if you do, I am ok with that! Just sayin’

A few things today.

I do not celebrate Easter, but if you do, I am ok with that! Just sayin’

“This is the best that I can do without being fake. Honestly, I lack the emotional skills to be any happier than I am right now. I am sorry that this is not enough for you.”

My response to recent news that would have anyone else jumping for joy and shouting it from the rooftops. That is just not how I behave and to ask me to otherwise, well I won’t do that. So, deal with it!

Now don’t get me wrong, it registered, and I felt, but not enough to make a spectacle of myself. But that lead me to other thoughts and social scenes where my lack of affect made me stand out like a sore thumb.

People just don’t get that it is a MAJOR chore for me to do anything socially. It isn’t for fear of using the wrong fork or saying the wrong thing (well actually it does have more to do with saying the wrong thing, but that goes with the not understanding the intricacies of humour and wit.)

Oh well, kinda over that topic.

Last week was a busy one. Wasn’t able to get to the gym, but, had a week-long workout. With the digging and shovelling, moving this here and there, and mowing and raking. Well you get the hint. I just can’t wait until the new week started. In addition, I was able to take many of the things learned in the gym and apply them at home I will be able to return to my regular schedule. I like the break in routine; yet, returning to a set pattern is much anticipated. However, I am going to add something to that schedule. I will start riding my bike again 1st thing in the morn.

Next…..

“What are you, a fucking witch?” Not just a witch, but a “fucking” one at that!

I seem to attract the curious/hateful ones. I just don’t know why. I guess its the same as how children, animals and old people seem to flock to me. So, I am going to answer your questions in order received. Some answered with a question, just to see if you are paying attention.

1. When will we move past labels? Define witch.
2. I think this is a joke; at least I hope so? I have never ridden a broom and I don’t know anyone who has. I’ve seen a few people jump a broom or two, but ride, can’t say that I have. Do you realise how silly that would look? I mean REALLY. If anything, I like to go on a magic carpet ride. did ya get that or is it soaring overhead on a broom?
3. I do not own, not have I ever owned a cauldron. I have done some cauldron work. Just to see what the hoopla was about. Wasn’t impressed.
4. Spells, incantations, yeah I know a few. You know a few prayers don’t ya? Kinda the same thing. If you really look at it. Really, requesting something from an “external/internal” source.
5. No, I can’t turn anyone into anything. REALLY. You’ve been watching too much Bewitched or Charmed or any of those shows that show stuff like that. But wouldn’t that be a hoot! Someone does something annoying and “poof” you’re a toad. But consider this, toads multiply at a ferocious rate. I’d much rather have one person not like me than 1,000s. (not an original thought, but…)
6. I have never sacrificed a small human or animal. I don’t Yeah, the folklore says that “witches” make sacrifices to…
7. No, I DO NOT WORSHIP SATAN. I mean, come on dude (or dudette), REALLY??? Stop watching late night television. Do you know how to use google?
8. Do I believe in God? (Which one because it appears that there are as many Gods as there are religions and just as many “holy texts”?) and it appears that more crap is done in “his name,” than in any pagan god’s name. Think about it!
9. Will I go to “heaven or hell?” Honestly, this place in which we live is hell to me. Pain, despair, hunger, war, disease, pestilence …. What is the difference betwixt my “hell” and your “hell?” As for the other place, I guess we shall see. Or will I?
10. Since I like myself soooo much, I’ve never found/seen the need to do the “coven” thing. Considering that I do not feel the need to do any group worship service thing, that would not appeal to me.
11. Yes, I’ve danced naked by the pale moonlight. IN THE PRIVACY OF MY HOME. I actually got that one. It’s a quote from one of those Batman films.

So I am thinking this is a joke. But it has been fun.

Oh, I do not like name droppers.

••••••

Do I look like an unlettered country oaf? Why do people think I am well, stupid? Why are they amazed at what I know?

a pui tardi

The voice speaks of an … Endless Dream – Conjure One

Music plays a HUGE part of my life. I draw from it – lessons, meaning and answers.

It’s all coming back to me now
That strange and almost endless dream
Where I was you and you were me
You opened up your eyes and I could see
That you were falling from the world
As aimless as a shooting star in orbit around me
Thinking I was somebody else
And terrified to look at me and see yourself, well…

You are like a dream
And I am just a trip that you are on
When the trip is over you will go back
To the places that you once beloved
You will look for comfort there
And when you do you’ll find that it has gone
That is when you’ll dream a dream
Where I am you and you are me
And then you’ll know my love

So don’t be afraid
Your heart is in me
And it’s racing so fast now
‘Cause everything we ever were or ever will be
Is shapeless as a changing cloud
Your letter written on the sky
I’m needing now to read it through my eyes
When you see just what I see
Then tenderly watch it change
And just let it be

‘Cause I am like a dream
And you are just a trip that I am on
When the trip is over I will go back
To the places that I once beloved
And I will look for comfort there
And when I do I know it will be gone
That is when I’ll dream a dream
Where I am you and you are me
And then I’ll know your love

…so quiet now…

This is just some trip that we are on
When the trip is over we will think of this
As someplace that we once beloved
When I find no comfort here
I’ll look again to find it in your arms
That is where I’ll dream a dream
Where I am you and you are me
And that’s where I know love

Candy, multi-hued eggs and a mutated rabbit; how does this relate to the resurrection?

Our purpose, well one of then anyway is to learn something new everyday; to try to make the world a better place. (ok, lets all join hands and sing Kumbayah.) So, with that said, jejeje, I require your assistance with a Christian religious matter. I make no jest. I am quite serious about this.

What does the hiding of multi-hued eggs, a huge “bunny” (that honestly looks quite scary) and various confections have to do with the resurrection of the Christian saviour? I honestly don’t get it. So, without threats of my “eternal soul burning forever in the fire pits of Hell” and all of the other threats of damnation, can someone explain this to me?

I eagerly await your responses. Yeah, I could google the meaning, but, I am curious to get “real-world” answers. \o/ < I love this little guy!

We just need to listen

Whilst walking from the Market yesterday, I had another BOOYAKITTY moment.

Those of us under, who have fewer than 60 (I was going to say 50 but decided that for me that is only a few years away…:-/) years under our belts think we know it all. We may have a few degrees, certifications and academic and or professional accolades. So when someone, less educated, less worldly offers advice, many times we tend to ignore then. “They just don’t understand. They have no idea what I’m talking about. What do they know; they’re ancient?”

Well guess what. Life has been their university. Rearing a family, their internship. They know more that we could ever learn from any book, lecture, quote.

If an oldster offers you some advice. LISTEN!

If an oldster suggests that you take another course of action-LISTEN!

I use “oldster” as a term of affection, not disrespect.

“Old age is not a disease – it is strength and survivorship, triumph over all kinds of vicissitudes and disappointments, trials and illnesses.” – Maggie Kuhn

Our suffering stems…

Keep constantly in mind in how many things you yourself have witnessed changes already. The universe is change, life is understanding. – Marcus Aurelius

When I first thought to use this, my intent was to weave one image. But that weaving has been set aside. Instead, I am thinking that…

“Our suffering stems from ignorance. We react because we do not know what we are doing, because we do not know the reality of ourselves. The mind spends most of the time lost in fantasies and illusions, reliving pleasant or unpleasant experiences and anticipating the future with eagerness or fear. While lost in such cravings or aversions, we are unaware of what is happening now, what we are doing now. Yet surely this moment, now, is the most important for us. We cannot live in the past; it is gone. Nor can we live in the future; it is forever beyond our grasp. We can live only in the present. If we are unaware of our present actions, we are condemned to repeating the mistakes of the past and can never succeed in attaining our dreams for the future. But if we can develop the ability to be aware of the present moment, we can use the past as a guide for ordering our actions in the future, so that we may attain our goal.” – S.N. Goenka

The Brick

Good morning!

I am not an overly religious person, but this….well,…..

The Brick!!!

Read this today and don’t delete it even if you are too busy!! You’ll see.

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared.

Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag’s side door!

He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, ‘What was that all about and who are you? Just what are you doing? That’s a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?’ The young boy was apologetic.

‘Please, mister…please, I’m sorry but I didn’t know what else to do,’ He pleaded. ‘I threw the brick because no one else would stop…’ With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. ‘It’s my brother, ‘he said ‘He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can’t lift him up.’

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, ‘Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He’s hurt and he’s too heavy for me.’

Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat… He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. ‘Thank you and may God bless you,’ the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: ‘Don’t go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!’ God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don’t have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It’s our choice to listen or not.

Thought for the Day:

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.

If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.

He sends you flowers every spring.

He sends you a sunrise every morning Face it, friend – He is crazy about you!

Send this to every ‘beautiful person’ you wish to bless.

God didn’t promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

Read this line very slowly and let it sink in…

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Pass this message.

Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail