Hey!
Yeah, I did complete the #febphotoaday challenge. I noticed that I stopped posting them here on 8 Feb. Well, here is a link to the completed challenge.
a pui tardi
Category: life
…insert name.
Do you know HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE HEARD THAT?
TOO FUCKING MANY!!!!!!! sorry for the pay channel language.
I grow so weary of people telling me how to behave and how I should be and what I should do.
You know what? I think I’m a rather nice guy. I am aware of my flaws. In fact, I embrace them with open arms! I realise that I am not the easiest person to get to know. Hell, sometimes I can’t stand myself. LOL! But it may be worth a moment of your time to try. After all, I’ve made an effort to try to get to know you. (and if you know me you know that for me to extend myself, to put it out there, is a big step….)
Phunny thing. Morcheeba’s “Be yourself” just started playing on the pod!
Let’s shuck this to the cob. If I need to be more like (Jimmy, Ray, Don, Bob) for you to “like” me, then, don’t, because I won’t.
After all, YOU invited yourself into MY space (not the site, my personal sphere). I did not seek you out. Something to think about.
Oh by the bye, those people you want me to be more like….well, because folk tend to forget I’m around, I see and hear their dirty little secrets. Believe me, you really don’t want me to be more like them……believe me
Like this:
Wow, once more into the fire.
Would you, could you agree that happiness = security? That without “security” we can’t be happy?
Well, my “security” was taken away today.
(The details aren’t important as they would mean nothing to you. Not being mean or secretive, just telling the “truth.”)
Yet, I’ve not noticed a noticeable drop OR rise in my “happiness.” So is that a valid equation? I have no idea if this loss of “assumed security,” if it is a permanent or temporary situation. However, permanent or temporary the situation, ” ‘life’ will go on.”
But, I’m reflecting on conversations and observations and things are making me say hummm…
Now, one voice is calmly whispering in my ear “the universe will take care of her own.”
“your happiness level hasn’t changed because your “true” security hasn’t been taken away.”
Ok, that is one voice. The other is running the gambit. Dealing with an entire range of human emotions…..so many that I can not/am not equipped to handle them.
Anger (I am always angry. My mother says that I was an angry baby. Not a bite you angry, just this disapproving scowl. But this is different. This time I am more angry with myself for the poorly conceived decisions I made and honestly for listening to ANYTHING except my head. )
Fear (as to the next step. Where do I go from here? )
Confusion (oh my, what to do, what to do?)
Faith (I never thought I was a person of faith. I just took it for granted that if I did “a” and “b” , “c- would happen.” but, now there is something…. Can’t put a pin on it, but….)
Blame (I always go there when I do not want to accept my role in whatever less than helpful situation I find myself. But eventually I realise that I must bear the brunt on the responsibility. And the realisation that those who wrong others and gain from that will rarely accept responsibility – so why blame them?)
But of them all I am still “happy.” Well as “happy” as I allow myself. But you know what, my happiness level is the same today as it was yesterday. (well that’s not the truth, I am in a much better mood than yester-morning. But that pissy mood was banished after Thomi and her workout. Perhaps, yesterday was a trial run…instead of RE-acting today, I PRE-acted yesterday.) But all in all, I am no more “happier” than the “norm.”
So what gives? My “assumed security” is gone, yet my “happiness” is the same. How can that be?
Am I “willing” myself happy? Or is this some type of shock?
Oh well, a pui tardi!
I am of peace…most of the time.
Like this:
Digi-art
that is not the digi-art. I just want to see if these icon things translate/transfer to the blog as an image or as code.
Like this:
That’s it. Nothing more,
All things (good or bad, helpful or unhelpful) must come to an end.
:-/
A pui tardi
Like this:
I was sitting this morning, listening to “the best of the 80s.”. Something I downloaded last night.
Now flashbacks notwithstanding,
OMGoddess, Van Halen’s JUMP just came on!
(Where was I?)
And the thought came to me that these past few years have been a re boot. They have been “a test.” There have been lessons in EVERY bloody stone. And what have I learned that will prepare me for whatever…?
i honestly don’t know i am going to explore this today. i may handle this in one of two ways. I may just jot “examples” and post them as they come – raw and un edited; or, compile a list and reflect and dissect, sanitise and censor, then share.
“Its all over and I’m standing pretty in this dust that was a city.” nena – 99 Red Balloons
Great goddess, lyrics like that… And the kids today say the same thing about their “music.”
a pui tardi. 
Ok, we’re back. i’ve decided to add to the original post. For some reason i think that by doing it this way, it will provide some type of time line.
one thing i discovered is that one can come back from the “brink” and thrive.
modern medicine can do many things, but, NOTHING can take the place of determination and persistence and taking an active role in ones health care regime, oh yeah, faith.
i think i discovered how to sync mobile dafts to the desktop. in the status section, i believe that i have to select, draft. let’s see
The above did not work.
this re boot has also taught me that most times when people say “I don’t mean any harm,” that isn’t true. Why? Because if you consider your words carefully….
i’ve also discovered that the phase “if i were you, i would..” really means..”this is what you should do..”
humm..
Like this:
The pic really has nothing to do with this blog…or maybe it does and the meaning just isn’t clear to me yet.
Ghostwriter511′s “contest” has set my mind aflutter. I submitted “You are NOT what you own” as “my” billboard.
Been thinking about Kurt this morning. I can understand why when faced with unbearable pain, one would seek to die. Especially, if medical science can not offer relief that is not in the form of drugs. However, what makes one person opt for treatment and another opt for death? That is the question that still echos in my mind.
Moving on- I now have an eBay acct. It’s David’s fault, so I am gonna blame him. I am going to see just how selling on this thing works. I have cupboards of stuff to sell. Who knows.
Gotta go, I am needed in another place in time.
My mind once again races.
Another failed attempt at communication.
Did you get the bloody message?
I can almost imagine, you scanning for an "i told you so"
the words are just that, the words
expression comes in many forms
find the one that suits you and go for it
name calling serves no purpose
to try to "force" yourself into a life that existed before YOU even existed is to me foolish.
Let go of my past and live your present.
Enjoy yourself; it’s later than you think.
– Chinese Proverb
Enjoy life: this is not a rehearsal.
– Bumper sticker
