i spent Sunday being petty

Great necessity elevates man, petty necessity casts him down ”  – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Yep, that is what I did. This had been building for days, but for some reason, yesterday brought it to a head. (Could have also had something to do with the dream)
Now, this trip down petty lane, was an interesting one.

First acknowledging the emotion…done. The moment the thought entered my mind it was identified and acknowledged.

Second – why am I thinking like this? Humm, that took a wee bit o time to suss out. But what I came up with was it all boils down to the whole “do unto others thing” and I wasn’t “done unto.”

I felt wounded, dissed, under appreciated and forsaken (and a few other things). So instead of addressing those feelings, I went petty.

But this is the thing…this shyte occupied not only my waking thoughts, but also my dream thoughts.
I have this dream, I have to cross a little ditch, a small stream, and a marshy, bog like area and then I am where I need to be. It is literally a hop, skip and jump. Well, I navigate as I always do. I hop the ditch, skip the stream and jump the bog. But here is where it gets … (I don’t know..) Every time, before I make the jump, there is a moment of fear..knowing that one misstep and well, “ciao ciao,” but the risks are measured. The what ifs are played out and I jump. Usually, I make it. Breathe a sigh of relief and acceptance afterall “I always make it” and go about my day. Well, yesterday, I slipped. Missed my footing and fell. The moment my foot hit the dead leaves and branches, I was sucked under. After trying to fight the pull, I realised that if I stop fighting, I won’t sink further, but I won’t be any closer to freedom. I close my eyes, take a deep breath (because as I sink, the surface conforms to my body, but hardens as I go down, leaving a tightly fitting impression. (Does that make sense?) And wait… and I think about …the gift, or better yet, the lack thereof. I think about not receiving what I think is due me because I went without.

(Unfortunately, I was not meant to find out how it ends because, I was startled out of my sleep by the urge to tinkle)

…the last thing to which I gave considerable thought, was a bloody gift, a thing, another possession, that means ….. What???

Hey, I tried to post yesterday, but for some reason none of the mobile devices would/could upload. I just didn’t feel like using the laptop.

A pui tardi

peace and long life