Well, I’m finished with this course of chemo. \O/ just received a telephone call from my doc! (Yes, he called himself!) In addition to the cessation of the chemo drug, my dosage for another has gone from three tablets every day to two! (doesn’t seem like a big deal, but when you’re taking eight different meds…not having to take one is nice.
Well, I’m going to go and putter about in the yard!
a pui tardi!
Does anyone have more than one WordPress blog up and running?
Do subscribers to blog one, receive notifications if a post has been made on blog two?
I can’t seem to find the answers in the “help” screen.
That’s how much longer until I find out if all of the drugs have worked. I find out if the bleeding has stopped, if the mass has continued it’s lack of growth. (Dare I hope for a retreat? I can hope all I want!)
Wow, yesterday it was a year that I was diagnosed with this thing in my head. It was shortly thereafter, I was told that my prognosis was grim. In fact, I was told that if I made it to Halloween; it would be a miracle. Halloween came and went. The Drewster is still here. (I don’t know why I said “Drewster.” DON’T)
Then, “if you make it to the new year, count your blessings. You were/are really sick.” Well, it’s obvious that the new year has come and gone – and no, I’m not penning this from the other side, yeppers, I’m still…here.
The “emotional roller coaster” one rides when faced with pending mortality is a fucked up, vomitious, cry/rage fest that just cannot be adequately described.
So, imagine if you will; I am “waiting for the other shoe to drop.” I am waiting to just fall over and expire. But that isn’t happening. I feel like I’m dying. I feel like dying, but it just ain’t happening.
(No, I’m not)
Ok, so attempts at weaving ones tattered life BACK together begins. Wait a minute!! I was going to go one way with that, but I’d rather go another.
As I attempt to re-weave threads of connections and weave new connections, I’ve been afforded a wonderful opportunity to start relationships over or to leave these relationships go. The past year has shown me, just how strong of a thread I’ve used to weave the relationship.
I’m sorry about the “weaving” I’m thinking about RTO and watching a spider spin her web, the fragile appearance to some, yet deadly to others.
Surprisingly, it has been very easy to unravel connections that have been less than helpful. Some I just stopped trying to build with them. Others, simple explanations as to why I’ve unstitched the thread…when asked.
It has been equally easy to reinforce the stitch.
(heavy sigh)
I don’t know why.
I don’t know how.
I don’t know if it was prayer.
I don’t know if it was bathing in the gifts of white light.
I don’t know if it’s my latent mutant physiology.
I don’t know if it was diet.
I don’t know why.
I do know this.
NOW is much better than THEN and TOMORROW, well I’ll worry about that..tomorrow.
😆😜😃😝👽
a pui tardi
✌️
I am aware that I am about to open a messy can of worms. No, strike that. I’ve opened a messy can of worms.
What have you done now?
In my ongoing effort to “feel” more and to “process the moment for the moment” I am going to step outside my comfort zone and go with emotion instead of logic (or my perception thereof). I have weighed the pros and the cons and well, I may regret this, but I’ll never know. At least I’ll make sure that I get what I want out of this “deal.”
I’m not going into anymore detail. I’ll keep you posted…kinda sorta .
a pui tardi
I am of peace…most of the time.
To have strangers, strangers who have been allowed to enter your “world” (or at least one of your worlds,) via glimpses of thoughts posted here or there; “know” you and comment on things long since forgotten and to express…
So, a few questions..
is there a point in time when we “become” our online identities?
is your online identity the “authentic” you or a self perception?
have you ever been called out by a “fan” to prove that you “walk the walk and talk the talk?
have you ever wondered “is this, what I’m doing worth it?” but that then leads to other questions.
i’m just curious.
hummm, now shifting gears…
i am going to admit something that some may have already guessed.
i have issues.
yes, i am aware that if one is alive, one has issues. mine are special… 🙂 😆
but there are times when there is a disconnect -brain – no, tactful brain and mouth. there are times when human behaviour baffles the bejeebers out of me. one would think I was reared by emotionless androids or something.
the other day, someone expressed “love.”
not fully understanding, i tried to gloss over it. it did not make sense. “i must have misunderstood,” i thought.
REPEAT
ok, so i did not misunderstand. continue
“so you’re just going to ignore what I said?”
“thank you.”
” ‘thank you’ ???”
“i do not know how to respond.” i really didn’t.
INSERT CHIRPING CRICKETS
to make a longer story shorter, after being told why i was stunned.
as a rule, i don’t tell people how to feel or what to feel it’s not my place to tell anyone how they should feel. in this case. i could not remain silent.
“you do not know me to feel this way. we’ve never met and most likely never will. if my banter and conversations have lead you to believe otherwise, i apologise. but , if you look at it realistically, i am – to you, as you are – to me, a collection of photographs, screen captures and witticisms that don’t even scratch the surface of who we are. for you to say what you said makes no sense to me and continued discussion will only make me uncomfortable.”
that’s the gist of my reply. then the reply to the reply. then I stopped because continued discourse would only add paraffin to the fire.
this is the reason for the above q and a.
but now i am left with questions…not about that – that was just silly. but I wonder how many online “relationships (of romantic nature)” begin as such? there isn’t any way such a thing can last, can it?
heavy sigh…heavy sigh
i’m going to bed.
a pui tardi!
Weavings, musings and things... 