I will admit, Fear has entered my heart

I’ve been relying heavily on the Litany against Fear of late…

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

ZOMG! I’m feeling a photo/quote mash-up in the near future.

It is not my goal to be cryptic, but I am SUPER excited about something that will change my life…forever! However, along with the excitement, Fear hovers in the background. In two weeks or so (I’ve created an alert to remind me to revisit this) I’ll be in a much better position to share. I hope.

I am also calling upon my many bookmarks and electronic post it notes of quotes, affirmations and incantations.

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” Dale Carnegie

The above quote rings so clearly to me as just a few days ago I realised that I had been stuck in “second gear.” I was stuck because I allowed Fear in. Fear clouded my mind with indecision. The moment, the SECOND after I made a move…I was ready for the next step.
Well, I can only beat this horse so much. (No, I don’t beat animals) With that said…

“Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out.” Benjamin Franklin

Now, let’s switch gears. I knew that I was ill. I NEVER had any idea just how ill I was. That was until I reviewed my medical records. We are talking about major systems shutdown. According to the records, I was a member of the walking dead. WOWZERS! When the staff voice their surprise and awe that I still walk amongst them I now know why.

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A suggestion, if you have access to or can get access to your medical records, you should do so. If for nothing else to have an idea of what all of those tests really mean. Plus, I understand that it can be used to communicate with your healthcare professional. THAT would be awesome because as symptoms happen they can be documented and addressed at your next appointment. The possible uses for are endless. I’ve used that information to put on a “carry always” medical info card. Because my mobile locks itself after five minutes. (I also carry a flash drive with most recent MRI and CT scans and medications) I like to prepare just in case something happens and I am unchaperoned.

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Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever read something that just made you feel creepy, gross? Well, I have. A few days ago, I read a profile that just made my flesh crawl. The oddest thing is that there wasn’t really anything particularly harsh or profane. I just felt…..yucky after reading it.

I can’t think of anything else to prattle on about. So I’m going to end with an Alanis Morissette song mash-up…

nothing owed

I wake up and first things first
I’m of service
I make sure your needs are met, I’m so selfless
I give hard and serve hard and now I, I need a break
I give in, I give all and now it’s time to regenerate

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have
I give you thanks for receiving it’s my privilege
And you owe me nothing in return

Today’s all about me, all about how I’m feeling
Today’s all about me learning how, how to receive
How to receive,
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

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