Category Archives: a season or a lifetime

Let’s see where this goes

looking out of my window, I realise that I’ve treated this blog just like I treat my handwritten journal. I use them -religiously – for days, sometimes weeks on end. Then, one day…BAM nothing.  And that of course, goes for weeks on end too! Of course, during those “nothing” periods, “something” is happening, but nothing that I’m willing to share—during the EVENT.

So, guys and gals, go put a kettle on, get your favourite biscuits and prepare to ask…WTF? 😜

  • I’ve been feeling “disconnected” lately. I was standing in the kitchen a few weeks ago. My housemate and I were doing our “dinner prep dance” then all of a sudden, the feeling of being disjointed – disconnected washed over me. There I was, standing in the middle of the kitchen, feeling apart of, yet removed from the activity around me. Why? Why? Hummmm, more about that later. 13 April- I’ve identified the feeling of disconnection. I should say that I think that I’ve identified it. For the past few years, I’ve been afraid of …the next step. As a result, I removed myself from day to day face to face interactions. I pay my bills online. I shop online. My meds are delivered to me. My health is monitored remotely. So, for all intents and purposes, I had no real reason to leave the house.  So, I’ve not really had any reason to engage or be engaged. As a result, those things that come so easily to others, I believe it is called “small talk” becomes a BLOODY chore. Of course that is just a thumbnail account.
  • I’ve been having these internal conversations. Now, I’ve had them before. Walking ones self through a procedure and stuff like that. Well, these internal conversations have been, what I now call, ” dark side, uncensored conversations” basically, those are the meanest, vilest, most “are you a FRAKING idiot for saying -insert topic- ?” kinds of conversations.  These, although disturbing, have actually assisted with my day to day interactions. That surprised the Koss out of me! LOL!!! 13 April- those internal conversations have become external and as a result, dare I say some realisations have been made. That if I could have and actually give voice to those thoughts then as a few of the “targets” have come to realise, the “shit must be bad.” Pity, that I had to paint the ugliest picture to affect change. That is a pity. 
  • …”There are some things about which I just don’t care. Can’t name them all here. Hummm. … … 😜”

“War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other’s children.” President Jimmy Carter

  • Let’s look through the ole leather bound to see, what I’ve forgotten. 
  • I’ve returned to my study of magic. I prefer ” magick.” More importantly, I’m back to the study of spells and talismen. That’s been an ongoing study for decades now. 
  • Ran into an old sci-fi club acquaintance. He and I would often debate: Immortality- Pros and Cons. And one of his thoughts, is that immortality was/is some type of fountain of youth. I, on the other, contend that one would still age, but at a certain point, organs would regenerate, yada yada ya. Then the voice said, he’s talking age, you’re talking passage of time. Aren’t they the same things? “Yes and no. However, I’ve not the energy to explain.

Instead of moving forward, mankind….some of mankind seems to be moving backward. I live in a state where it will be legal to refuse service to someone if the owner/manager feels that the patron violates some “moral” code of conduct. That law seems to be sweeping the country.  Most are focusing on only ONE aspect of this “moral” code. They’ve, I believe, yet to see how this can and will affect everyone.  14 April Can morals be regulated, legislated, dictated?  I’d like to think that I’m a pretty moral fella. However, I don’t feel the need to practise a “mainstream” religion. I don’t care if two men or women want to marry.  If the races want to mix and multiply, have at it! I don’t hate Muslims and don’t think that they are all “evil.” I don’t think that I have to accept any one deity I don’t want to accept.  Some of, many of my beliefs and philosophies are so counter to this “moral code.” I guess I’m screwed!   Moving on……..

I “prepared” for IT. IT didn’t happen.  IT will happen.  But now that IT didn’t/hasn’t happened, what to do? Of course, being grateful is first on the list, but “moving on and living” just doesn’t sum up the “what to do.” I think that is going to be a follow up discussion too.

  • What am I not in the business of? Yep, that’s right!!! LOLπŸ˜œπŸ˜‚πŸ˜„ I’m not in the business of being right or wrong. HOWEVER, it is rather pleasing to be right.  LOL, I know, how  unevolved am I? I’m human in this moment so litigate against me.  πŸ˜œπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜„πŸ˜ with that said….

  • One of my TOP ONE MILLION PET PEEVES. People who have to constantly remind people “how much more intelligent and smart I am.” I just look and nod. All the while, I’m thinking, a real intellectual does not have to announce it – on a daily basis…several times a day and then seek confirmation.  LOL!  Meow meow
  • Sexuality and sex. gender identification and orientation…are all different things. Why can’t legislators just allow “THE PEOPLE” to govern their respective personal lives?  Why, is it that the country everyone runs to, or used to run to because it was the beacon to personal freedom seeks to legislate one of the MOST sacred personal freedoms; the freedom to choose who we love?

This wraps up this instalment. I may update this later. I may just tap out another one. Who the Koss knows?

πŸ˜œπŸ˜‚πŸ˜

  • Love, in my youth, I admit I sought her out. FAIL!! As I matured, I stopped looking for LOVE and thought that LOVE would find me. REALLY, DID I REALLY THINK THAT WOULD HAPPEN? So, now, I enjoy the “freedom” of having no significant other. However, there are times when I’d welcome the “shackles” of having a sig. However, as I type this, I realise that the words used are perhaps an indication of how I view romantic entanglements.πŸ˜±πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ‘»

14 April – It’s time to put this baby to bed.

I’m sitting here in my chair, listening to Friday Night Dinner, gazing out my window. Realisation.. despite everything, I am of peace. That sustains me. It also sustains others. Here’s something else that I believe. I believe that through a combined force of WILL, there are groups, communities of people who are also “of peace” and through their efforts we, as a species have not wiped ourselves out. We’ve come so close. Yet…

I’ve lost that train.

I’m wrapping up with a rhetorical here.

Why is it so difficult to just do the “right” thing?


A pui tardΓ­



A few things..

Hi!

I really do appreciate those new subscribers. You folk are the best! Of, course those guys and gals who have been there/here from the beginning, you are the crΓ¨me de la crΓ¨me of followers βœŒοΈπŸ˜€πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜Ί

HEALTH UPDATE
I’m still a medical fascination. I don’t really know what else to say other than, it’s not the best…Goddess knows, it’s not the worst, but, my “way of life” noooooooo, the “way I lived” has changed! Has it changed for the better? I don’t know. I guess that is something that….only time will tell πŸ™‚

The Universe takes care of her own.

I’ve been super excited, super bummed for the past few days. A friend, a close friend of mine returns home tomorrow to have his worst dream realised and, honestly, I’m not really up to offering any support. It’s not that I don’t want to offer it. It’s that I just do not have it in me. I am drained, in ways I didn’t think possible.

I have a bunch of “fears” associated with this reunion as well. Now, let’s see how I can say this without sounding like a twat.
As we, individuals, navigate our way through life, lessons are learned.
As we learn these “life lessons” our experiences, our way of interacting with our community changes.
As we incorporate these changes into our lives, we “evolve.

What if, because of separation our paths have diverged so much, that continued association would be counterproductive?
I am recalling how the last reunion went….not fondly, but not horribly either. Oh well, there is no need to borrow trouble.

Let’s see, what else?
Well, as some of you know, my mother, the woman from whose loins I sprang, died a few years ago. Her death left a hole in my soul that can never be filled. More recently, the Lady Donna, my “Ivory mother” died…in front of us…no warning. Another lurch, my world torn asunder, another hole, irreparably ripped in my soul. Wow, two of the most important women in my life gone…in the blink of an eye. I grieve, but it is more important that I live up to their legacies.

With certain realisations, my muse has returned. So, I’ve been freezing moments in time! I’ve been playing with colour -electronic style. And film, I’ve shot a few rolls of film. (I hope they come out well.) I’ll post them on my Flickr page.

Hey, something just occurred to me. I do not believe that anyone has ever answered a question asked ages ago; “To whom does the Father confessor confess?” But as I ask it again, I’m thinking that it’s probably much like “to whom does a therapist talk when he/she is troubled?”

I’ve decided to get up and go out. I it make take me an hour to get there, but I want to eat — to have a bite or two of something out. (I don’t say “eat” anymore because…..)

So, I’ll post snaps later. Fill you in on my sojourn to nutritional bio-matter. And anything else that comes to mind.

whoa did I mention that I’m considering a name change for the blog? No? Well, I am….I think it’s time for a change.

A pui tardi!

I am of peace 99.9% of the time. πŸ™‚

Well now, there are times when the squeaky wheel does get the most attention

Sorry for the delayed posting.

If you recall (if I mentioned it here) or not, I decided that “Tuesday is going to be the day.” The day I come off the drug that was supposed to be helping me, but in reality was doing the opposite. I am sure that had I remained on it, I would be closer to death. (Closer than I am now at least. 😝)

Well, it’s been two days and my appetite has returned. I’m keeping down what I put in. The whole urinary thing…a thing of the past! \O/

There are still some side affects for which I hadn’t accounted. The places where I thought I had “dry skin” isn’t that is a rash brought on by the med. A nasty, ugly, scaly rash.

Something just occurred to me. Have I ever said what drug it is/was? I can’t recall and as I don’t “back-read” ….. The drug is Sulfadiazine. I was taking 1500 mg every six hours. Yeah, so I pretty much was sick all day. But that’s over now.

Regards,

I am of peace

A pui tardi

Ciao ciao!

✌

Tuesday, thus far (that was the original title)

Greetings and well met! Hey, how are you?

I’m trying a new format here. I would like to see if by utilising this “free writing” method, if I’ll keep up with this blog. Because I really do not know why I can’t put a few words together and tell a story. REALLY!

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My dreams have returned. Or perhaps the more accurate statement is that I am now able to recall some of the images. For the most part, they’ve been rather uneventful. Most have been down right funny. There was only one that woke me from a sound sleep….screaming. That, as one can imagine was not fun.

I’ve lost an important and inspirational influence in my life. It is my fault and I accept full responsibility. As usual, when I act from an emotional place, I cock things up. One would think that I would learn. Unfortunately for me, I do not believe that there is any chance for reconciliation. And I will BE FOREVER SADDENED BY THE LOSS.

But I can’t mend the jug with regret.

I’ve been hearing my Mother’s voice calling my name for the past few days. It was so realistic that on the past two, it actually startled me. The other day, I smelled the fragrance of her soap. I don’t use that brand…

I am finding it more and more difficult to remember my Father. I can’t even picture his face anymore.

My brother is also a concern. He worries about me. I worry about him. I worry …

Well, I’m finished with this one.

Oh no, I’m not finished!

I am tired of having to pay because our ELECTED officials can not seem to balance a check book. Why am I being taxed when I buy an item? Why am I taxed quarterly on items ALREADY taxed? Have a Hybrid? Get TAXED. Have a moped or a scooter? Get TAXED. TAX TAX TAX TAX TAX TAX TAX. This probably makes no sense to you. However, I know. πŸ™‚

A pui tardi! ✌

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Ciao ciao!

A thought about time

Time is what it is amigo mio….time. You are correct TIME does not wait, but TIME doesn’t …or rather, it shouldn’t make you it’s bitch either. πŸ˜ƒ

✌

-I am of PEACE…most of the time.

Greetings, well met, hey how are ya?

It’s been a while since I’ve uttered those words. That was my opening on most of my YouTube vlogs. But, I’ve not been to the tube to vlog for (as the kids say) a minute.

Let’s see, what’s been happening? Still looking for gainful employment, but in the meantime, I’ve placed an advert for my new business venture.

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Just placed a new advert. The first, well the services those people wanted were services that I just don’t do, at least not for such inexpensive prices . LOL

Oh, here’s piece I worked on in an afternoon.

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I just want to put this one to bed. I’ve been working on it for too long.

a pui tardi.

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2 February 2012 – Words

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Inspired by…. WORDS – Missing Persons

a pui tardi