Category Archives: Arrogance

Let’s see where this goes

looking out of my window, I realise that I’ve treated this blog just like I treat my handwritten journal. I use them -religiously – for days, sometimes weeks on end. Then, one day…BAM nothing.  And that of course, goes for weeks on end too! Of course, during those “nothing” periods, “something” is happening, but nothing that I’m willing to share—during the EVENT.

So, guys and gals, go put a kettle on, get your favourite biscuits and prepare to ask…WTF? ๐Ÿ˜œ

  • I’ve been feeling “disconnected” lately. I was standing in the kitchen a few weeks ago. My housemate and I were doing our “dinner prep dance” then all of a sudden, the feeling of being disjointed – disconnected washed over me. There I was, standing in the middle of the kitchen, feeling apart of, yet removed from the activity around me. Why? Why? Hummmm, more about that later. 13 April- I’ve identified the feeling of disconnection. I should say that I think that I’ve identified it. For the past few years, I’ve been afraid of …the next step. As a result, I removed myself from day to day face to face interactions. I pay my bills online. I shop online. My meds are delivered to me. My health is monitored remotely. So, for all intents and purposes, I had no real reason to leave the house.  So, I’ve not really had any reason to engage or be engaged. As a result, those things that come so easily to others, I believe it is called “small talk” becomes a BLOODY chore. Of course that is just a thumbnail account.
  • I’ve been having these internal conversations. Now, I’ve had them before. Walking ones self through a procedure and stuff like that. Well, these internal conversations have been, what I now call, ” dark side, uncensored conversations” basically, those are the meanest, vilest, most “are you a FRAKING idiot for saying -insert topic- ?” kinds of conversations.  These, although disturbing, have actually assisted with my day to day interactions. That surprised the Koss out of me! LOL!!! 13 April- those internal conversations have become external and as a result, dare I say some realisations have been made. That if I could have and actually give voice to those thoughts then as a few of the “targets” have come to realise, the “shit must be bad.” Pity, that I had to paint the ugliest picture to affect change. That is a pity. 
  • …”There are some things about which I just don’t care. Can’t name them all here. Hummm. … … ๐Ÿ˜œ”

“War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other’s children.” President Jimmy Carter

  • Let’s look through the ole leather bound to see, what I’ve forgotten. 
  • I’ve returned to my study of magic. I prefer ” magick.” More importantly, I’m back to the study of spells and talismen. That’s been an ongoing study for decades now. 
  • Ran into an old sci-fi club acquaintance. He and I would often debate: Immortality- Pros and Cons. And one of his thoughts, is that immortality was/is some type of fountain of youth. I, on the other, contend that one would still age, but at a certain point, organs would regenerate, yada yada ya. Then the voice said, he’s talking age, you’re talking passage of time. Aren’t they the same things? “Yes and no. However, I’ve not the energy to explain.

Instead of moving forward, mankind….some of mankind seems to be moving backward. I live in a state where it will be legal to refuse service to someone if the owner/manager feels that the patron violates some “moral” code of conduct. That law seems to be sweeping the country.  Most are focusing on only ONE aspect of this “moral” code. They’ve, I believe, yet to see how this can and will affect everyone.  14 April Can morals be regulated, legislated, dictated?  I’d like to think that I’m a pretty moral fella. However, I don’t feel the need to practise a “mainstream” religion. I don’t care if two men or women want to marry.  If the races want to mix and multiply, have at it! I don’t hate Muslims and don’t think that they are all “evil.” I don’t think that I have to accept any one deity I don’t want to accept.  Some of, many of my beliefs and philosophies are so counter to this “moral code.” I guess I’m screwed!   Moving on……..

I “prepared” for IT. IT didn’t happen.  IT will happen.  But now that IT didn’t/hasn’t happened, what to do? Of course, being grateful is first on the list, but “moving on and living” just doesn’t sum up the “what to do.” I think that is going to be a follow up discussion too.

  • What am I not in the business of? Yep, that’s right!!! LOL๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜„ I’m not in the business of being right or wrong. HOWEVER, it is rather pleasing to be right.  LOL, I know, how  unevolved am I? I’m human in this moment so litigate against me.  ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜ with that said….

  • One of my TOP ONE MILLION PET PEEVES. People who have to constantly remind people “how much more intelligent and smart I am.” I just look and nod. All the while, I’m thinking, a real intellectual does not have to announce it – on a daily basis…several times a day and then seek confirmation.  LOL!  Meow meow
  • Sexuality and sex. gender identification and orientation…are all different things. Why can’t legislators just allow “THE PEOPLE” to govern their respective personal lives?  Why, is it that the country everyone runs to, or used to run to because it was the beacon to personal freedom seeks to legislate one of the MOST sacred personal freedoms; the freedom to choose who we love?

This wraps up this instalment. I may update this later. I may just tap out another one. Who the Koss knows?

๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜

  • Love, in my youth, I admit I sought her out. FAIL!! As I matured, I stopped looking for LOVE and thought that LOVE would find me. REALLY, DID I REALLY THINK THAT WOULD HAPPEN? So, now, I enjoy the “freedom” of having no significant other. However, there are times when I’d welcome the “shackles” of having a sig. However, as I type this, I realise that the words used are perhaps an indication of how I view romantic entanglements.๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ‘ป

14 April – It’s time to put this baby to bed.

I’m sitting here in my chair, listening to Friday Night Dinner, gazing out my window. Realisation.. despite everything, I am of peace. That sustains me. It also sustains others. Here’s something else that I believe. I believe that through a combined force of WILL, there are groups, communities of people who are also “of peace” and through their efforts we, as a species have not wiped ourselves out. We’ve come so close. Yet…

I’ve lost that train.

I’m wrapping up with a rhetorical here.

Why is it so difficult to just do the “right” thing?


A pui tardรญ



A decision made and one I hope to keep.

With that last blog “Status update becomes a blog,” I’ve made yet another decision. I’m really tired of being bombarded by the less than helpful images and general “news” of the world on my timeline/feed/whatever the hell it’s called, so I am going to change what I want to see on my timeline/feed/whatever the hell it’s called. I’m going to change what I post on my timeline/feed/whatever the hell it’s called. Bye bye, CNN, ABC and the like. I โค๏ธ ya Huffpost, but you gotta go. Let me put it this way. If it’s not music related, family related, garden related and basic general stuff; I’m not going to post it. After all I don’t and people should not get their “news” from Facebook, Twitter, Flickr and the like.

We’ll see how this works..

โœŒ๏ธ my siblings from another motherโœŒ๏ธ

But I don’t know you.

Let’s get to the meat of this blog. I am faced with a decision. This is a decision that honestly has me stumped.

I have to have a conversation with a few people that I never thought I would have to have at this stage of my life. The “stumped” part. No matter how I phrase it, no matter how many bows I wrap around it, feelings will be hurt and angry words will be said in the heat of the moment. I’d like to point out that these hurt feelings and angry words won’t be mine.

After 30+ years, people who share my genetic material want to reach out and become a “family.” AFTER 30+ YEARS. Of course, I wonder why. Now, my brother, my younger brother, wants to reunite. It is my opinion that he has a romanticised view of the past, a past coloured by his youth, his want to have extended family and television programming which touts the joyousness of family life.

My problem, I have NO DESIRE to reconnect. NONE WHATSOEVER! I hold no bitterness or avarice toward any of them. I just don’t want to waste the emotional and physical energy. PERIOD! I will admit that I caved in and accepted a friend request but, I’ve made no attempt other than the initial “hello” via messenger.

The other stump, I do not want to ruin my brother’s reunion. People do change and perhaps they have. I think that it is important for him to try to develop a relationship with these people so that he can judge for himself. ZOMGoddess, it just occurred to me that he, my brother, wants me there just in case, the dream is in fact a nightmare. He will have someone on his “side.” That may or may not be true.

I’ll make make attempts to ….no I won’t. I’m not going to lie. I’m not going to do a damn thing. I’m going to try a technique that I’ve seen many others use. I am not going to do anything. Of course I know that by not doing anything, that I am doing something. (Yes, I acknowledge my passive aggressive approach.)

I don’t know these people. 30 + years is a LOT of water under the bridge. I’ve NO warm and fuzzy feeling about a reunion. I’m feeling something. I just don’t know what I’m feeling. I do know that I believe that I have no desire to get to know these people. That’s it! PERIOD

I keep bumping on “feelings.” I wonder if this choice of inactivity is the correct choice. I wonder if I DO have some deep seeded…something. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder.

Oh well, the Universe shall guide and provide, she always does.

I AM of peace!

a pui tardรญ

PS. Hello Milady! How are you? You’ve been weighing heavily on my mind of late.

โœŒ๏ธ

Random “vedekdrew/Drew” trivia, part one of ???

If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
Trick question.

What does your latest text message from someone else say?
It’s already 80 here and of course I’M BOILING!!!

Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
It depends on my mood

If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
One of three things, either gardening, looking at the sky or taking pictures.

Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
Behind….sometimes I’ll snap a gpom

What does your URL mean?
It’s my online identity. It comes from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. A “Vedek” (comparable to a Cardinal or a Bishop) is the second highest level of the Bajoran religion, also make up the Vedek Assembly, the committee which is responsible for the spiritual issues of the Bajoran people. And Drew, well that’s another identity. ๐Ÿ™‚

Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
Yes, one Summer almost every week-end

Who is your celebrity crush?
I have a “man crush” on Scott K. Foley. I also adore Kate Mulgrew

How do you vent your anger?
Depends on what or at whom I am angry.

Do you have a collection of anything?
I collect post cards

Thursday, 21 November 2013 : I am SO BLOODY tired of people….

desktop clear-off

…saying that I have a “shitty” attitude, especially when my attitude hasn’t changed…much.

So, because I am a man who, when told – no when an observation is made about my behaviour that I am behaving churlishly, takes a step back to analyse and make the proper adjustments. (If that makes any sense.)

So, lets see, what have I done?
I’ve made it clear that I will answer questions put to me without hyperbole and half truths.
I’ve made it clear, that at this juncture in my life, that I will only do what I want to do, when I want to do it.
I’ve made it clear that if asked my opinion, that I am going to offer it. I am sorry that my opinion differs from the one wanted.
I’ve made it clear that whatever is left of my “estate” will be donated to charity. (Not like I have much) I’ve no children or mate and my brother has more than enough money to live and live well.
I’ve made it clear that I want to “live” and not just exist.
I’ve made it clear that I am not interested in the banal. (Who am I to determine what is banal or not? I am the person who has to listen to the shyte and if all one can talk about is Lady Gaga and the AMA, I am definitely NOT interested.)
I’ve made it clear that just because “you” refuse to acknowledge that I’ve a short self life that doesn’t mean that I will bury my head in the sand and pretend that all is well.

So, I guess that does make me an arsehole with a “shitty” attitude. (jejejeje no pun intended)

Moving on to “passive/aggressive behaviour.” I am, believe it or not, almost a half a century old. In that time, I have realised that instead of pouting and trying to do end runs around people, that I “confront,” I question that person face to face instead of posting queries on social networks or saying less than helpful things KNOWING that it is going to get back to me. then when I ask, the statement is denied. This is what it boils down to, or at least this is what it should boil down to, if you don’t like something I’ve said, something I’ve done, TELL ME. I am the ONLY one who can explain my actions and walking around like a badger with a sore nose serves no one any good.

Ok, I’ve recently posted a “joke” on FaceBook that seems to have folk in an uproar. I don’t get it. Here was the post.

Gotcha! It’s a game. You should have never commented or liked my status. HAHAHA! You fell into the trap. The person who likes/comments has to choose one of the following to post as his/her Status, Profile or Cover photo. 1. We eloped! 2. We’re getting married. 3. We’re engaged 4. Wedding bells 5. Engagement ring 6. I’m moving to another country. 7. I’m expecting 8. Ultrasound 9. I just bought a new Ferrari. 10. I just got a pet Alligator. 11. I’m still in love with my ex. 12. I’m in love with a stripper. 13. I’m a stripper on weekends. Make it believable and juicy! Note: You cannot explain anything, just post and leave it up for a few days and INBOX only your victims. I’m also a victim lol btw this is one dumb ass game.

forgot where I was going with this one.

A pui tardi!

A few things..

Hi!

I really do appreciate those new subscribers. You folk are the best! Of, course those guys and gals who have been there/here from the beginning, you are the crรจme de la crรจme of followers โœŒ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜บ

HEALTH UPDATE
I’m still a medical fascination. I don’t really know what else to say other than, it’s not the best…Goddess knows, it’s not the worst, but, my “way of life” noooooooo, the “way I lived” has changed! Has it changed for the better? I don’t know. I guess that is something that….only time will tell ๐Ÿ™‚

The Universe takes care of her own.

I’ve been super excited, super bummed for the past few days. A friend, a close friend of mine returns home tomorrow to have his worst dream realised and, honestly, I’m not really up to offering any support. It’s not that I don’t want to offer it. It’s that I just do not have it in me. I am drained, in ways I didn’t think possible.

I have a bunch of “fears” associated with this reunion as well. Now, let’s see how I can say this without sounding like a twat.
As we, individuals, navigate our way through life, lessons are learned.
As we learn these “life lessons” our experiences, our way of interacting with our community changes.
As we incorporate these changes into our lives, we “evolve.

What if, because of separation our paths have diverged so much, that continued association would be counterproductive?
I am recalling how the last reunion went….not fondly, but not horribly either. Oh well, there is no need to borrow trouble.

Let’s see, what else?
Well, as some of you know, my mother, the woman from whose loins I sprang, died a few years ago. Her death left a hole in my soul that can never be filled. More recently, the Lady Donna, my “Ivory mother” died…in front of us…no warning. Another lurch, my world torn asunder, another hole, irreparably ripped in my soul. Wow, two of the most important women in my life gone…in the blink of an eye. I grieve, but it is more important that I live up to their legacies.

With certain realisations, my muse has returned. So, I’ve been freezing moments in time! I’ve been playing with colour -electronic style. And film, I’ve shot a few rolls of film. (I hope they come out well.) I’ll post them on my Flickr page.

Hey, something just occurred to me. I do not believe that anyone has ever answered a question asked ages ago; “To whom does the Father confessor confess?” But as I ask it again, I’m thinking that it’s probably much like “to whom does a therapist talk when he/she is troubled?”

I’ve decided to get up and go out. I it make take me an hour to get there, but I want to eat — to have a bite or two of something out. (I don’t say “eat” anymore because…..)

So, I’ll post snaps later. Fill you in on my sojourn to nutritional bio-matter. And anything else that comes to mind.

whoa did I mention that I’m considering a name change for the blog? No? Well, I am….I think it’s time for a change.

A pui tardi!

I am of peace 99.9% of the time. ๐Ÿ™‚

I think I’d become trapped, no, I had become trapped.

and I still am, but now recognised as traps. Did that make sense?

THE TRAPS

the trap of believing that one has to be a part of a pair in order to be complete.

the trap of emotion. (Ahh, here we go)
It isn’t often that I let anyone into my most personal space…my head.

“What on Earth do you mean?”
I mean, to occupy so much of mind that they become all I think about. That I wonder what they’re doing every minute of the day.

That was just too freakin odd. And I did not like that at all.

the trap, that, I think many people feel today. the trap of “what’s the sodding point?”

You know what, don’t feel like listing all of the traps. Let’s just lump it into the trap of LIFE.

But, as usual, the UNIVERSE parted the veil so that vision could be cleared….

The moment I let go of IT, was the moment I got more than I could handle.
The moment I jumped off of IT, was the moment I touched down.

I happened to be listening to Alanis Morissette this morning whilst driving somewhere. And the moment I sang those words….a sigh of relief.

So I’m letting go of IT.

that is today, right now as I write this

Oh, 2013 is the year of write and post. No editing, no self censoring. Just sayin’.

I am of peace