Category Archives: BOOYAKITTY

Let’s see where this goes

looking out of my window, I realise that I’ve treated this blog just like I treat my handwritten journal. I use them -religiously – for days, sometimes weeks on end. Then, one day…BAM nothing.  And that of course, goes for weeks on end too! Of course, during those “nothing” periods, “something” is happening, but nothing that I’m willing to share—during the EVENT.

So, guys and gals, go put a kettle on, get your favourite biscuits and prepare to ask…WTF? 😜

  • I’ve been feeling “disconnected” lately. I was standing in the kitchen a few weeks ago. My housemate and I were doing our “dinner prep dance” then all of a sudden, the feeling of being disjointed – disconnected washed over me. There I was, standing in the middle of the kitchen, feeling apart of, yet removed from the activity around me. Why? Why? Hummmm, more about that later. 13 April- I’ve identified the feeling of disconnection. I should say that I think that I’ve identified it. For the past few years, I’ve been afraid of …the next step. As a result, I removed myself from day to day face to face interactions. I pay my bills online. I shop online. My meds are delivered to me. My health is monitored remotely. So, for all intents and purposes, I had no real reason to leave the house.  So, I’ve not really had any reason to engage or be engaged. As a result, those things that come so easily to others, I believe it is called “small talk” becomes a BLOODY chore. Of course that is just a thumbnail account.
  • I’ve been having these internal conversations. Now, I’ve had them before. Walking ones self through a procedure and stuff like that. Well, these internal conversations have been, what I now call, ” dark side, uncensored conversations” basically, those are the meanest, vilest, most “are you a FRAKING idiot for saying -insert topic- ?” kinds of conversations.  These, although disturbing, have actually assisted with my day to day interactions. That surprised the Koss out of me! LOL!!! 13 April- those internal conversations have become external and as a result, dare I say some realisations have been made. That if I could have and actually give voice to those thoughts then as a few of the “targets” have come to realise, the “shit must be bad.” Pity, that I had to paint the ugliest picture to affect change. That is a pity. 
  • …”There are some things about which I just don’t care. Can’t name them all here. Hummm. … … 😜”

“War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other’s children.” President Jimmy Carter

  • Let’s look through the ole leather bound to see, what I’ve forgotten. 
  • I’ve returned to my study of magic. I prefer ” magick.” More importantly, I’m back to the study of spells and talismen. That’s been an ongoing study for decades now. 
  • Ran into an old sci-fi club acquaintance. He and I would often debate: Immortality- Pros and Cons. And one of his thoughts, is that immortality was/is some type of fountain of youth. I, on the other, contend that one would still age, but at a certain point, organs would regenerate, yada yada ya. Then the voice said, he’s talking age, you’re talking passage of time. Aren’t they the same things? “Yes and no. However, I’ve not the energy to explain.

Instead of moving forward, mankind….some of mankind seems to be moving backward. I live in a state where it will be legal to refuse service to someone if the owner/manager feels that the patron violates some “moral” code of conduct. That law seems to be sweeping the country.  Most are focusing on only ONE aspect of this “moral” code. They’ve, I believe, yet to see how this can and will affect everyone.  14 April Can morals be regulated, legislated, dictated?  I’d like to think that I’m a pretty moral fella. However, I don’t feel the need to practise a “mainstream” religion. I don’t care if two men or women want to marry.  If the races want to mix and multiply, have at it! I don’t hate Muslims and don’t think that they are all “evil.” I don’t think that I have to accept any one deity I don’t want to accept.  Some of, many of my beliefs and philosophies are so counter to this “moral code.” I guess I’m screwed!   Moving on……..

I “prepared” for IT. IT didn’t happen.  IT will happen.  But now that IT didn’t/hasn’t happened, what to do? Of course, being grateful is first on the list, but “moving on and living” just doesn’t sum up the “what to do.” I think that is going to be a follow up discussion too.

  • What am I not in the business of? Yep, that’s right!!! LOL😜😂😄 I’m not in the business of being right or wrong. HOWEVER, it is rather pleasing to be right.  LOL, I know, how  unevolved am I? I’m human in this moment so litigate against me.  😜😃😄😝 with that said….

  • One of my TOP ONE MILLION PET PEEVES. People who have to constantly remind people “how much more intelligent and smart I am.” I just look and nod. All the while, I’m thinking, a real intellectual does not have to announce it – on a daily basis…several times a day and then seek confirmation.  LOL!  Meow meow
  • Sexuality and sex. gender identification and orientation…are all different things. Why can’t legislators just allow “THE PEOPLE” to govern their respective personal lives?  Why, is it that the country everyone runs to, or used to run to because it was the beacon to personal freedom seeks to legislate one of the MOST sacred personal freedoms; the freedom to choose who we love?

This wraps up this instalment. I may update this later. I may just tap out another one. Who the Koss knows?

😜😂😝

  • Love, in my youth, I admit I sought her out. FAIL!! As I matured, I stopped looking for LOVE and thought that LOVE would find me. REALLY, DID I REALLY THINK THAT WOULD HAPPEN? So, now, I enjoy the “freedom” of having no significant other. However, there are times when I’d welcome the “shackles” of having a sig. However, as I type this, I realise that the words used are perhaps an indication of how I view romantic entanglements.😱😝😂👻

14 April – It’s time to put this baby to bed.

I’m sitting here in my chair, listening to Friday Night Dinner, gazing out my window. Realisation.. despite everything, I am of peace. That sustains me. It also sustains others. Here’s something else that I believe. I believe that through a combined force of WILL, there are groups, communities of people who are also “of peace” and through their efforts we, as a species have not wiped ourselves out. We’ve come so close. Yet…

I’ve lost that train.

I’m wrapping up with a rhetorical here.

Why is it so difficult to just do the “right” thing?


A pui tardí



Descriptors

How do you describe people?
I ask, because a few weeks ago, I was asked,

“Who is so and so?”

“He’s that black guy we met at…”

“Oh. Couldn’t you have described him by any other feature than his race?”

“ZOMG, here comes another lecture.” But….

STOP THE BUS! Could I have described him any other way? Of course the answer is a resounding “yes.” But I decided to take the path of least resistance and go with the obvious for the following reasons…

1. To refuse to acknowledge a persons race, is in a way a refusal to acknowledge them (my opinion). Being “Black, White, Latino, Asian whatever” is part of that person and unfortunately is an obvious “in your face adjective.” (that’s my high and mighty, morally superior reason)

2. My use of race to describe him was an easy way to start to winnow down the guest list as there were only four black people there, including myself and the other two were female.

Another reason closer to the truth…

3. I had no other available information to go on. You know like job, education, religion, orientation, yada yada ya.

and………………

The truth…

4. I see race before I see anything else. We all do! Is that such a “bad” thing? Now I do not believe that I’m talking about racial profiling or stereotyping. Perhaps I am. I think that I’m talking about the hue of a persons skin…the amount of melanin, that’s all.

So, amici although I do not believe that I was in error. I will admit, that I shall endeavour to use other descriptors when describing people. As I type this I realise that by doing that, I will have to continue my attempts at increased social interactions (conversations) in attempt to learn more about people so that the use of race becomes a “last ditch descriptor.”

Well, I am off out to find myself some breakfast and perhaps have another day of #publictranspostories. ✌️

Ahhh, an over the shoulder reader asked, “why not use hair colour, height, eye colour?”
My answer, “If his hair was any other colour than black, I would have said, ‘the black guy with the salt and pepper hair?’ ” The same goes for height. “The really tall (or short) black guy.” So, I couldn’t escape. ✌️

A pui tardí!

10 Things We Can Do to Contribute to Internal, Interpersonal and Organisational Peace

A few days ago, (yesterday to be exact) I decided to post those things that I find “helpful” and “uplifting.” So, today, instead of visiting those usual websites, I surfed the interwebs and found this. These are the 10 Things We Can Do to Contribute to Internal, Interpersonal and Organisational Peace

(1) Spend some time each day quietly reflecting on how we would like to relate to ourselves and others.

(2) Remember that all human beings have the same needs.

(3) Check our intention to see if we are as interested in others getting their needs met as our own.

(4) When asking someone to do something, check first to see if we are making a request or a demand.

(5) Instead of saying what we DON’T want someone to do, say what we DO want the person to do.

(6) Instead of saying what we want someone to BE, say what action we’d like the person to take that we hope will help the person be that way.

(7) Before agreeing or disagreeing with anyone’s opinions, try to tune in to what the person is feeling and needing.

(8) Instead of saying “No,” say what need of ours prevents us from saying “Yes.”

(9) If we are feeling upset, think about what need of ours is not being met and what we could do to meet it, instead of thinking about what’s wrong with others or ourselves.

(10) Instead of praising someone who did something we like, express our gratitude by telling the person what need of ours that action met.

The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) would like there to be a critical mass of people using Nonviolent Communication language so all people will get their needs met and resolve their conflicts peacefully.

2001, revised 2004 Gary Baran & CNVC. The right to freely duplicate this document is hereby granted.

a pui tardí

A decision made and one I hope to keep.

With that last blog “Status update becomes a blog,” I’ve made yet another decision. I’m really tired of being bombarded by the less than helpful images and general “news” of the world on my timeline/feed/whatever the hell it’s called, so I am going to change what I want to see on my timeline/feed/whatever the hell it’s called. I’m going to change what I post on my timeline/feed/whatever the hell it’s called. Bye bye, CNN, ABC and the like. I ❤️ ya Huffpost, but you gotta go. Let me put it this way. If it’s not music related, family related, garden related and basic general stuff; I’m not going to post it. After all I don’t and people should not get their “news” from Facebook, Twitter, Flickr and the like.

We’ll see how this works..

✌️ my siblings from another mother✌️

i am going to be all over the place with this one…

where do i want to start?
“the beginning is always a good place.”
i don’t want to go that far back.

well, it is almost a year that my life, my existence changed…forever.

ups and downs
hither and ‘yond
“life”
“death”
laughter
despair
loneliness – both complete and incomplete

as i sit here and type these words…these feelings into being….

i got up to get a granola bar and now i’ve forgotten what i was going to say. welcome to my world!!! 🙂 🙂

ahhhhh

i’ve often heard the phrase ‘the business of living’ but lately, i’ve been more concerned about or with ‘the business of death.’

i’ve discovered that there are varied ranges in cost and pomp in funeral preperation. (i now see why my mother did her advanced planning) even for the most (i think) simplest of services. (simple cremation and find a tree or a wood that wont be destroyed in months to come to make way for another mini-mall or housing complex an d spread my ashes.

i’ve seen the attempts at upselling casket liners…(really, at that point WHO THE HELL CARES???) types of caskets and/or memorial “take aways”, videos, plaques, laminated obituraries….all costing the bereaved thousands and thousands of dollars. what ever happened to the days of newspaper obituary listings. I was just AMAZED, floored, stunned, flabbergasted. Ahhhh, the little voice is speaking to me. She says…

drew, my dearest drew. funerals aren’t for the dead. they are for the survivors. the more elaborate and expensive the service, the more guilt the survivors have.

i don’t quite know what to make of that. so i’ll just walk away.

i made another jaw dropping realisation a few days ago. i wanted to sit with it, chew on it and see if the associated feelings were genuine or just poo.

i, of course decided that the feeling was genuine and from my perspective #truth. what was the realisation? i realised that in many cases….

i am a better friend to my friends than they are to me.

this is what i mean… you know what, an explanation is not really necessary. i say that not to dissuade discussion. i say it because it was/is how i felt. and we all know that there is very little logic when dealing with feelings.

and another thing.
there are times, when sitting in my chair, gazing out, i run scenarios through my head. those “if i hadn’t met ‘x’ my life would be different” kinda things.

yes, i am aware that of course things would be different. i’m not a complete goober.

i just think about how one encounter with someone – ripples through out …time.

i would murder for a lasagna and salad with a balsamic vinegar dressing. i will settle for carrot sticks and ranch dressing.

when did sex and sexuality become things used to define people? i am aware of the adage “sex sells,” but, it seems that it is everywhere now and with that the various aspects of sexuality. homosexuality, heterosexuality, asexuality, bisexuality, celibacy, abstinence, transexuality…what is the big bleeding deal? i don’t understand. that is just ONE, tiny aspect of a person. just ONE aspect. i’m walking away again.

whoa, now some states will allow businesses the right to deny service to LGBT people or anyone else who contradicts an owner’s religious beliefs. i don’t know if i am “pleased – let me explain about the use of ‘pleased’ that some bigots aren’t letting their love of the almighty dollar guide their consciences. what does it matter how someone spends their private time when they are ordering the best champagne and top tier meal? but i guess, poverty and hatred are more worthy than providing the BEST customer service to PAYING customers. great ceaser’s ghost! what the hell is happening to the world? What happened to tolerance?

i’ve discovered that i have two you tube channels. i kinda recall creating the second. i thought that i was signing in using my google account. i wasn’t. i was creating an account. oh well, i am not going to delete it. i’m thinking that it was created for some reason. i just have to figure out what that reason is. A thought was to let it be a channel for unedited thoughts/unguarded moments (as “unguarded” as one can be when being recorded). it will also be used to put what i’m reading into action Daring Greatly. i need to work on a few things and i think this may just be one of the many tools to help along the way.

i’m also going to start to minimise my online presence. what i mean by that. i am going to “shut down” some little used to not used vedekdrew sites. although i had a larger following on blogger, i believe that i’ll stick with wordpress for now. i’m kinda torn with regard to the online photo storage sites i use. flickr offers one TB of storage. i’ve already almost maxed out my dropbox account and my shoebox is best used on my portable devices.

i’ve tossed and turned with writing this. i’ve decided to go ahead.
if you’ve been following this blog/sporadic ramblings, you’ll recall that i am coming up on the one year anniversary of my…terminal diagnosis. the inoperable brain tumour/lesion/hole whatever its called. if you also recall, i shared with you that i was told that i (A.) wouldn’t live past All Hallows’ Eve (that Halloween to some). Then, I was told (B.) that if i made it past AHE, that it would be a miracle if i made it to the new year. guess what, the new year has come and gone.

well, it is 24 april 2014 and….i am still here. and dare i say it, today, i feel that all of the pain and suffering may have been worth it. (no not really)
i will share this with you. it is my opinion; it is my belief that NO MAN/WOMANshould EVERknow when they will or may expire. As the day approaches, one becomes some what paralysed with indecision. i admit, i am still ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop.’ those days when it takes every bit of reserve to just move…i think ‘today is the day.’ when i have that extra burst of energy, i recall stories of people who had that burst of energy before they died. yeah, that is where my head goes sometimes.

but, now, i’ve to decide on what is the next path for me. i am considered permanently disabled because of the inoperability of the tumour/lesion/hole thingie. but that leads to another problem. i’ll need to earn some money. living off of the investments, savings and insurance payments will eventually run out. i am unable to receive any help from the state as a result of my “income.” it is just frustrating. HOWEVER, i am much better off than others. i do not have to worry about having the electrics turned off or any of the other mod-cons. for now at least….but with this change that HAS TO BE MADE…

well. i am off out! i want to put this to “bed” and start the next one (finish the other on the clipboard.)

OH, ONE THING

there was a time, when mine was a very regimented, well-scheduled life/existence. i knew where i was supposed to be, what i was supposed to be doing, etc, etc, etc. somewhere along the line i adopted a ‘go with the flow attitude.’ i think that i am going to have to find a happy medium betwixt the two. i LIKE the idea of planning. i like the perceived “control.’ however, i also like the fluidity of the flow. arrrrrrgh

i do know that i have to return to a schedule. there are more than enough hours in the day to get what i want to complete – completed! i am going to play around with it – a schedule.

well, guess what, i am needed in another place in time… 🙂 \O/

a pui tardi

i am of peace

Greetings and well met!

Hey! How are you?
I am forever trying to get the most out of my blogging experience ….and failing miserably. But, I’ve another idea.

first

In my mind, before the lights turned on, or what I perceive as a moment of clarity, more like a “pagh’tem’far.”

my blog does not have to be paragraphs long to communicate what my “heart” needs to say.

I can use as many or as few words as I want.

So, with that said, I’ve another ……

20140404-115903.jpg days remaining on the another bulk of meds!

so here’s what I’m gonna do…

38 days – 38 post
Some may be a word.

Some a long rambling story that has no meaning to anyone but the teller and those present

a pui tardi
THANK YOU!!!
Grazie!

I am…of peace.

Once again, I’m lost…. :-/

App developers just because you can change something doesn’t mean that you should. If it works on one device, It needs to work on them all!

But that’s not my “original” thought behind this blurb.

Have you ever felt, as if a part of you, a part of you, of which you were aware, but just didn’t give it the consideration it was due, was gone – missing-vanished?

Yeah, as I gaze out the window, watching the rain hit the puddle, I realised that something is gone.

20140307-081139.jpg