Category Archives: demands

Let’s see where this goes

looking out of my window, I realise that I’ve treated this blog just like I treat my handwritten journal. I use them -religiously – for days, sometimes weeks on end. Then, one day…BAM nothing.  And that of course, goes for weeks on end too! Of course, during those “nothing” periods, “something” is happening, but nothing that I’m willing to share—during the EVENT.

So, guys and gals, go put a kettle on, get your favourite biscuits and prepare to ask…WTF? 😜

  • I’ve been feeling “disconnected” lately. I was standing in the kitchen a few weeks ago. My housemate and I were doing our “dinner prep dance” then all of a sudden, the feeling of being disjointed – disconnected washed over me. There I was, standing in the middle of the kitchen, feeling apart of, yet removed from the activity around me. Why? Why? Hummmm, more about that later. 13 April- I’ve identified the feeling of disconnection. I should say that I think that I’ve identified it. For the past few years, I’ve been afraid of …the next step. As a result, I removed myself from day to day face to face interactions. I pay my bills online. I shop online. My meds are delivered to me. My health is monitored remotely. So, for all intents and purposes, I had no real reason to leave the house.  So, I’ve not really had any reason to engage or be engaged. As a result, those things that come so easily to others, I believe it is called “small talk” becomes a BLOODY chore. Of course that is just a thumbnail account.
  • I’ve been having these internal conversations. Now, I’ve had them before. Walking ones self through a procedure and stuff like that. Well, these internal conversations have been, what I now call, ” dark side, uncensored conversations” basically, those are the meanest, vilest, most “are you a FRAKING idiot for saying -insert topic- ?” kinds of conversations.  These, although disturbing, have actually assisted with my day to day interactions. That surprised the Koss out of me! LOL!!! 13 April- those internal conversations have become external and as a result, dare I say some realisations have been made. That if I could have and actually give voice to those thoughts then as a few of the “targets” have come to realise, the “shit must be bad.” Pity, that I had to paint the ugliest picture to affect change. That is a pity. 
  • …”There are some things about which I just don’t care. Can’t name them all here. Hummm. … … 😜”

“War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other’s children.” President Jimmy Carter

  • Let’s look through the ole leather bound to see, what I’ve forgotten. 
  • I’ve returned to my study of magic. I prefer ” magick.” More importantly, I’m back to the study of spells and talismen. That’s been an ongoing study for decades now. 
  • Ran into an old sci-fi club acquaintance. He and I would often debate: Immortality- Pros and Cons. And one of his thoughts, is that immortality was/is some type of fountain of youth. I, on the other, contend that one would still age, but at a certain point, organs would regenerate, yada yada ya. Then the voice said, he’s talking age, you’re talking passage of time. Aren’t they the same things? “Yes and no. However, I’ve not the energy to explain.

Instead of moving forward, mankind….some of mankind seems to be moving backward. I live in a state where it will be legal to refuse service to someone if the owner/manager feels that the patron violates some “moral” code of conduct. That law seems to be sweeping the country.  Most are focusing on only ONE aspect of this “moral” code. They’ve, I believe, yet to see how this can and will affect everyone.  14 April Can morals be regulated, legislated, dictated?  I’d like to think that I’m a pretty moral fella. However, I don’t feel the need to practise a “mainstream” religion. I don’t care if two men or women want to marry.  If the races want to mix and multiply, have at it! I don’t hate Muslims and don’t think that they are all “evil.” I don’t think that I have to accept any one deity I don’t want to accept.  Some of, many of my beliefs and philosophies are so counter to this “moral code.” I guess I’m screwed!   Moving on……..

I “prepared” for IT. IT didn’t happen.  IT will happen.  But now that IT didn’t/hasn’t happened, what to do? Of course, being grateful is first on the list, but “moving on and living” just doesn’t sum up the “what to do.” I think that is going to be a follow up discussion too.

  • What am I not in the business of? Yep, that’s right!!! LOL😜😂😄 I’m not in the business of being right or wrong. HOWEVER, it is rather pleasing to be right.  LOL, I know, how  unevolved am I? I’m human in this moment so litigate against me.  😜😃😄😝 with that said….

  • One of my TOP ONE MILLION PET PEEVES. People who have to constantly remind people “how much more intelligent and smart I am.” I just look and nod. All the while, I’m thinking, a real intellectual does not have to announce it – on a daily basis…several times a day and then seek confirmation.  LOL!  Meow meow
  • Sexuality and sex. gender identification and orientation…are all different things. Why can’t legislators just allow “THE PEOPLE” to govern their respective personal lives?  Why, is it that the country everyone runs to, or used to run to because it was the beacon to personal freedom seeks to legislate one of the MOST sacred personal freedoms; the freedom to choose who we love?

This wraps up this instalment. I may update this later. I may just tap out another one. Who the Koss knows?

😜😂😝

  • Love, in my youth, I admit I sought her out. FAIL!! As I matured, I stopped looking for LOVE and thought that LOVE would find me. REALLY, DID I REALLY THINK THAT WOULD HAPPEN? So, now, I enjoy the “freedom” of having no significant other. However, there are times when I’d welcome the “shackles” of having a sig. However, as I type this, I realise that the words used are perhaps an indication of how I view romantic entanglements.😱😝😂👻

14 April – It’s time to put this baby to bed.

I’m sitting here in my chair, listening to Friday Night Dinner, gazing out my window. Realisation.. despite everything, I am of peace. That sustains me. It also sustains others. Here’s something else that I believe. I believe that through a combined force of WILL, there are groups, communities of people who are also “of peace” and through their efforts we, as a species have not wiped ourselves out. We’ve come so close. Yet…

I’ve lost that train.

I’m wrapping up with a rhetorical here.

Why is it so difficult to just do the “right” thing?


A pui tardí



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A decision made and one I hope to keep.

With that last blog “Status update becomes a blog,” I’ve made yet another decision. I’m really tired of being bombarded by the less than helpful images and general “news” of the world on my timeline/feed/whatever the hell it’s called, so I am going to change what I want to see on my timeline/feed/whatever the hell it’s called. I’m going to change what I post on my timeline/feed/whatever the hell it’s called. Bye bye, CNN, ABC and the like. I ❤️ ya Huffpost, but you gotta go. Let me put it this way. If it’s not music related, family related, garden related and basic general stuff; I’m not going to post it. After all I don’t and people should not get their “news” from Facebook, Twitter, Flickr and the like.

We’ll see how this works..

✌️ my siblings from another mother✌️

Today I was once again….

…reminded that the Universe; she does in fact take care of her own. Perhaps in her own time, but she does nonetheless.

What happened? Something that thought I would have to “fight” for was given freely and openly.

Well, the advert (for my new venture) has been placed. No serious inquiries as of yet…fingers crossed.

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That’s what I’ve been doing of late.

I’ve also been banging a few discussions around….and this really odd theory of sexuality that popped into my head whilst I was doing the morning washing up.

Ok, as I write this, I’m listening to Skye (Edwards) I love her voice. (She also fronts for my favourite all time trip-hop band, Morcheeba.) Just in case you were wondering..

I think I am going to bite the bullet and do it. What are you going to do Drew?

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I have to do it. If I am going to return to the world of comic books, what a time to start and what a title. Oh, speaking of….

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as usual, the stickers were provided by GetGlue.com.

Ahhhhh, here it is….

Tell me all about your day.
So good to hear from you.
Tell me about your day.
Feels good to speak to you.

Tell me about your day, by Skye. I just ❤❤ her voice..it makes everything ok again.

Anywhooooo

The other day, actually a few weeks ago. A friend said that she was under the impression that I was a submissive.

Me? Submissive? Have you met me?

Well you always tell me to tell you what to do

That’s not being submissive. That’s to prevent the beating about the bush to ask for a favour.

Oh

But that got me to thinking….is there, can there be such a thing as a dominant submissive? Humm, let’s see what Google via Wikipedia has to say….. Alrighty then, I go to Dominance and Submission and the first thing I saw…well, you clicked the link. 🙂 Let me put it to you this way….moving on rather rapidly.

Where can I go from there? Hummmm,

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I am really digging this show! BeingHuman(US) has really grown on me. I will admit however, that the original, UK version is my favourite. Not because it’s “better,” just because. 🙂

Well, I think I’m done….my theory of sexuality……I’m still working on it, so until I’ve made more sense out of it….. afterthought, it’s not really intense, and honestly has nothing to do with sex per se

a pui tardi

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Just from where do our thoughts come? :-)

Ok, please check out Internal Luminosity for more background. But to fast forward, there were a series of questions at the end of the blog and the last on made me wonder, so, I am using that as a jump off for my return.

Here are my answers ……

How does your brain work?
I went through several answers until I came up with BASIC programming.
What is the desired outcome?
Do I possess the correct tools to achieve desired outcome?
If “Y” the goto line 9
And then at line 9 one set of instructions
If “N” then goto line 20
And at line 20, a completely different set of algorithms ( is that clear? )

When is your thinking most productive?
Oddly, any time of the day. I can be hiking a trail, talking with friends, peeling potatoes, gardening, listening to music, reading http://internal-luminosity.blogspot.com and BOOYAKITTY (that is my version of an Oprah “Aaa-ha” moment).

What do you do when your thinking is challenged or stops working?
I tend to do a few things. I will either walk away from it for a while; or research the issue. Perhaps I’m missing something that would make the picture clearer.
Ask myself, if I am having this much difficulty with…., should I give it more thought?
When all else fails, I sleep on it.

How do you navigate challenges in your thinking?
Frustration
Then I re-evaluate and the BASIC kicks in.

From where do your thoughts originate?
Perhaps this will answer this question.
My thoughts start in space. As they enter the grav field and are slowly pulled to Earth, the fluff and whimsy are burned off. And when it finally finds itself in my head, BASIC kicks in. 🙂

You know what? As I look back at that answer….I’m not thinking that’s not right. Where do my thoughts originate? I now query myself, because there have been times when a thought has entered my mind, something that I would never think about as SOP. And I will often stop shake my head and ask, “Where in the hell did that thought come from?” (yeah, crappy grammar and all)

I have to….think about this..BOOYAKITTY, what if our thoughts are just a cumulative….no not the word…an agglomeration of what we’ve read, heard, been told, lived and live..the sum of our life experiences and those a round us?

Now I am here, wondering …and this just came to mind…as situations/opportunities arise, based on life experiences …..naaah

So, what do you think? From where do our thoughts originate? I’m perplexed – or am I?

a pui tardi

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5 February 2012 – 10 am

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One can NEVER be ready…

Wow, last year this time I was in Atlanta, nursing my mom back to health. After a year (mas o menos), I left her, a person size lighter and in a better position health-wise than I found her. Soon, I will return to Atlanta to bury her. Which is just odd to me as we were laughing and goofing off together on Monday.

Now, what’s even odder is that unless things happen differently, there are “steps” to this expiration.

Remove her from the ventilator is the first step.

So, well see where that leads us.

Happiness = Security … or does it?

Wow, once more into the fire.

Would you, could you agree that happiness = security? That without “security” we can’t be happy?

Well, my “security” was taken away today.

(The details aren’t important as they would mean nothing to you. Not being mean or secretive, just telling the “truth.”)

Yet, I’ve not noticed a noticeable drop OR rise in my “happiness.” So is that a valid equation? I have no idea if this loss of “assumed security,” if it is a permanent or temporary situation. However, permanent or temporary the situation, ” ‘life’ will go on.”

But, I’m reflecting on conversations and observations and things are making me say hummm…

Now, one voice is calmly whispering in my ear “the universe will take care of her own.”

“your happiness level hasn’t changed because your “true” security hasn’t been taken away.”

Ok, that is one voice. The other is running the gambit. Dealing with an entire range of human emotions…..so many that I can not/am not equipped to handle them.

Anger (I am always angry. My mother says that I was an angry baby. Not a bite you angry, just this disapproving scowl. But this is different. This time I am more angry with myself for the poorly conceived decisions I made and honestly for listening to ANYTHING except my head. )

Fear (as to the next step. Where do I go from here? )

Confusion (oh my, what to do, what to do?)

Faith (I never thought I was a person of faith. I just took it for granted that if I did “a” and “b” , “c- would happen.” but, now there is something…. Can’t put a pin on it, but….)

Blame (I always go there when I do not want to accept my role in whatever less than helpful situation I find myself. But eventually I realise that I must bear the brunt on the responsibility. And the realisation that those who wrong others and gain from that will rarely accept responsibility – so why blame them?)

But of them all I am still “happy.” Well as “happy” as I allow myself. But you know what, my happiness level is the same today as it was yesterday. (well that’s not the truth, I am in a much better mood than yester-morning. But that pissy mood was banished after Thomi and her workout. Perhaps, yesterday was a trial run…instead of RE-acting today, I PRE-acted yesterday.) But all in all, I am no more “happier” than the “norm.”

So what gives? My “assumed security” is gone, yet my “happiness” is the same. How can that be?

Am I “willing” myself happy? Or is this some type of shock?

Oh well, a pui tardi!

I am of peace…most of the time.