Category Archives: despair

Six years or somewhere there about..

My life, as I knew it, changed. Wow, milady, talking about a delayed response.

Six years ago or somewhere thereabout, I was given some news that changed my life.

Six years ago or somewhere thereabout, I was told that I was going to die.

No, not by a Gypsy, Magic 8ball or a call from a psychic. I was told this by a team of physicians.

OK, PICTURE THIS. One minute you’re in the shower. You’re downstairs getting ready for Mother’s Day dinner with the family. The next minute, you wake up…in hospital…attached to machines and being probed and poked. Waking up, knowing that something just isn’t right.

Picture it, being told that you have to have this biopsy. You’ve several brain bleeds and what looks like a tumour. WOW, Tumour = cancer = brain = dead. That’s what I’m kinda thinking.  So let’s fast forward shall we. Oh, did I mention, that some how (digging in the dirt where animals poo) I picked up a parasite that is ADDING to the TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury)

Biopsy done…insert medical term..another medical term…inoperable.

Meetings, consultations, tests.

Weeks later, I’m home. I’m home, to die, with a satchel of meds. One to stop seizures. One to thin the blood. One to stop the parasite. One for blood pressure. One for something else that I can’t honestly remember. One, that, almost hastened my trip to the underworld.  All totalled, I was, at one point taking over 20 medications. NO BUENO!

Now, everyone around me has had their lives affected. Holiday plans put on hold. Constant monitoring because I couldn’t be left alone..Fall risk here.

Vomiting, constant pain, no energy, NOTHING. Meals were…interesting. The Lady Donna did her best to find foods that I could eat. No that’s not correct; food that I could keep down.

All the while, life continues at it usual pace. I’m waiting though…”You may be here Christmas,” was all I could hear.

 

To be continued…perhaps later today, perhaps tomorrow I’ll talk about having to tell friends and acquaintances…

 

take care

 

 

 

ARRRRGH!!!

There are times when I become so angry that I could “bite rocks and spit sand.” I am so bloody angry that a throat punch is the nicest thing I can think of right now.
“I thought you are ‘of peace’.”
Just because I’m ‘of peace’ doesn’t mean that I can’t experience, embrace and acknowledge the anger. The BIG thing is NOT ACTING ON THE ANGER.

— Mindful breathing helps.
— Cursing in a foreign language helps and is kinda funny, especially when one starts hurling made up profanities.
— Putting finger to touchscreen also works to extinguish the flames of anger.
— Telling the person who angered you what he/she did is the best!

So, I’ve done those things.
I’ve meditated, breathed in helpful energy, exhaled the less than helpful.
Had a huge glass of iced lemon water…yummers!

And now the anger has passed. I’ve sought forgiveness from the Universe for spewing such bile. (LOL, jejejeje giggling for a completely different reason) and my stony expression has returned (as opposed to my death gaze expression or even worse, my stare through you expression.)

Well, since I’m here, I might as well visit my drafts folder..

✌️ ❤️ and 🎸🎸

a pui tardi!

I AM of peace.

Greetings and well met!

Hey! How are you?
I am forever trying to get the most out of my blogging experience ….and failing miserably. But, I’ve another idea.

first

In my mind, before the lights turned on, or what I perceive as a moment of clarity, more like a “pagh’tem’far.”

my blog does not have to be paragraphs long to communicate what my “heart” needs to say.

I can use as many or as few words as I want.

So, with that said, I’ve another ……

20140404-115903.jpg days remaining on the another bulk of meds!

so here’s what I’m gonna do…

38 days – 38 post
Some may be a word.

Some a long rambling story that has no meaning to anyone but the teller and those present

a pui tardi
THANK YOU!!!
Grazie!

I am…of peace.

A few things..

Hi!

I really do appreciate those new subscribers. You folk are the best! Of, course those guys and gals who have been there/here from the beginning, you are the crème de la crème of followers ✌️😀😃😺

HEALTH UPDATE
I’m still a medical fascination. I don’t really know what else to say other than, it’s not the best…Goddess knows, it’s not the worst, but, my “way of life” noooooooo, the “way I lived” has changed! Has it changed for the better? I don’t know. I guess that is something that….only time will tell 🙂

The Universe takes care of her own.

I’ve been super excited, super bummed for the past few days. A friend, a close friend of mine returns home tomorrow to have his worst dream realised and, honestly, I’m not really up to offering any support. It’s not that I don’t want to offer it. It’s that I just do not have it in me. I am drained, in ways I didn’t think possible.

I have a bunch of “fears” associated with this reunion as well. Now, let’s see how I can say this without sounding like a twat.
As we, individuals, navigate our way through life, lessons are learned.
As we learn these “life lessons” our experiences, our way of interacting with our community changes.
As we incorporate these changes into our lives, we “evolve.

What if, because of separation our paths have diverged so much, that continued association would be counterproductive?
I am recalling how the last reunion went….not fondly, but not horribly either. Oh well, there is no need to borrow trouble.

Let’s see, what else?
Well, as some of you know, my mother, the woman from whose loins I sprang, died a few years ago. Her death left a hole in my soul that can never be filled. More recently, the Lady Donna, my “Ivory mother” died…in front of us…no warning. Another lurch, my world torn asunder, another hole, irreparably ripped in my soul. Wow, two of the most important women in my life gone…in the blink of an eye. I grieve, but it is more important that I live up to their legacies.

With certain realisations, my muse has returned. So, I’ve been freezing moments in time! I’ve been playing with colour -electronic style. And film, I’ve shot a few rolls of film. (I hope they come out well.) I’ll post them on my Flickr page.

Hey, something just occurred to me. I do not believe that anyone has ever answered a question asked ages ago; “To whom does the Father confessor confess?” But as I ask it again, I’m thinking that it’s probably much like “to whom does a therapist talk when he/she is troubled?”

I’ve decided to get up and go out. I it make take me an hour to get there, but I want to eat — to have a bite or two of something out. (I don’t say “eat” anymore because…..)

So, I’ll post snaps later. Fill you in on my sojourn to nutritional bio-matter. And anything else that comes to mind.

whoa did I mention that I’m considering a name change for the blog? No? Well, I am….I think it’s time for a change.

A pui tardi!

I am of peace 99.9% of the time. 🙂

Well now, there are times when the squeaky wheel does get the most attention

Sorry for the delayed posting.

If you recall (if I mentioned it here) or not, I decided that “Tuesday is going to be the day.” The day I come off the drug that was supposed to be helping me, but in reality was doing the opposite. I am sure that had I remained on it, I would be closer to death. (Closer than I am now at least. 😝)

Well, it’s been two days and my appetite has returned. I’m keeping down what I put in. The whole urinary thing…a thing of the past! \O/

There are still some side affects for which I hadn’t accounted. The places where I thought I had “dry skin” isn’t that is a rash brought on by the med. A nasty, ugly, scaly rash.

Something just occurred to me. Have I ever said what drug it is/was? I can’t recall and as I don’t “back-read” ….. The drug is Sulfadiazine. I was taking 1500 mg every six hours. Yeah, so I pretty much was sick all day. But that’s over now.

Regards,

I am of peace

A pui tardi

Ciao ciao!

Tuesday, thus far (that was the original title)

Greetings and well met! Hey, how are you?

I’m trying a new format here. I would like to see if by utilising this “free writing” method, if I’ll keep up with this blog. Because I really do not know why I can’t put a few words together and tell a story. REALLY!

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My dreams have returned. Or perhaps the more accurate statement is that I am now able to recall some of the images. For the most part, they’ve been rather uneventful. Most have been down right funny. There was only one that woke me from a sound sleep….screaming. That, as one can imagine was not fun.

I’ve lost an important and inspirational influence in my life. It is my fault and I accept full responsibility. As usual, when I act from an emotional place, I cock things up. One would think that I would learn. Unfortunately for me, I do not believe that there is any chance for reconciliation. And I will BE FOREVER SADDENED BY THE LOSS.

But I can’t mend the jug with regret.

I’ve been hearing my Mother’s voice calling my name for the past few days. It was so realistic that on the past two, it actually startled me. The other day, I smelled the fragrance of her soap. I don’t use that brand…

I am finding it more and more difficult to remember my Father. I can’t even picture his face anymore.

My brother is also a concern. He worries about me. I worry about him. I worry …

Well, I’m finished with this one.

Oh no, I’m not finished!

I am tired of having to pay because our ELECTED officials can not seem to balance a check book. Why am I being taxed when I buy an item? Why am I taxed quarterly on items ALREADY taxed? Have a Hybrid? Get TAXED. Have a moped or a scooter? Get TAXED. TAX TAX TAX TAX TAX TAX TAX. This probably makes no sense to you. However, I know. 🙂

A pui tardi! ✌

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Ciao ciao!

From Marvel Entertainment and GetGlue.com

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