Category Archives: Extraordinary Way

Let’s see where this goes

looking out of my window, I realise that I’ve treated this blog just like I treat my handwritten journal. I use them -religiously – for days, sometimes weeks on end. Then, one day…BAM nothing.  And that of course, goes for weeks on end too! Of course, during those “nothing” periods, “something” is happening, but nothing that I’m willing to share—during the EVENT.

So, guys and gals, go put a kettle on, get your favourite biscuits and prepare to ask…WTF? 😜

  • I’ve been feeling “disconnected” lately. I was standing in the kitchen a few weeks ago. My housemate and I were doing our “dinner prep dance” then all of a sudden, the feeling of being disjointed – disconnected washed over me. There I was, standing in the middle of the kitchen, feeling apart of, yet removed from the activity around me. Why? Why? Hummmm, more about that later. 13 April- I’ve identified the feeling of disconnection. I should say that I think that I’ve identified it. For the past few years, I’ve been afraid of …the next step. As a result, I removed myself from day to day face to face interactions. I pay my bills online. I shop online. My meds are delivered to me. My health is monitored remotely. So, for all intents and purposes, I had no real reason to leave the house.  So, I’ve not really had any reason to engage or be engaged. As a result, those things that come so easily to others, I believe it is called “small talk” becomes a BLOODY chore. Of course that is just a thumbnail account.
  • I’ve been having these internal conversations. Now, I’ve had them before. Walking ones self through a procedure and stuff like that. Well, these internal conversations have been, what I now call, ” dark side, uncensored conversations” basically, those are the meanest, vilest, most “are you a FRAKING idiot for saying -insert topic- ?” kinds of conversations.  These, although disturbing, have actually assisted with my day to day interactions. That surprised the Koss out of me! LOL!!! 13 April- those internal conversations have become external and as a result, dare I say some realisations have been made. That if I could have and actually give voice to those thoughts then as a few of the “targets” have come to realise, the “shit must be bad.” Pity, that I had to paint the ugliest picture to affect change. That is a pity. 
  • …”There are some things about which I just don’t care. Can’t name them all here. Hummm. … … 😜”

“War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other’s children.” President Jimmy Carter

  • Let’s look through the ole leather bound to see, what I’ve forgotten. 
  • I’ve returned to my study of magic. I prefer ” magick.” More importantly, I’m back to the study of spells and talismen. That’s been an ongoing study for decades now. 
  • Ran into an old sci-fi club acquaintance. He and I would often debate: Immortality- Pros and Cons. And one of his thoughts, is that immortality was/is some type of fountain of youth. I, on the other, contend that one would still age, but at a certain point, organs would regenerate, yada yada ya. Then the voice said, he’s talking age, you’re talking passage of time. Aren’t they the same things? “Yes and no. However, I’ve not the energy to explain.

Instead of moving forward, mankind….some of mankind seems to be moving backward. I live in a state where it will be legal to refuse service to someone if the owner/manager feels that the patron violates some “moral” code of conduct. That law seems to be sweeping the country.  Most are focusing on only ONE aspect of this “moral” code. They’ve, I believe, yet to see how this can and will affect everyone.  14 April Can morals be regulated, legislated, dictated?  I’d like to think that I’m a pretty moral fella. However, I don’t feel the need to practise a “mainstream” religion. I don’t care if two men or women want to marry.  If the races want to mix and multiply, have at it! I don’t hate Muslims and don’t think that they are all “evil.” I don’t think that I have to accept any one deity I don’t want to accept.  Some of, many of my beliefs and philosophies are so counter to this “moral code.” I guess I’m screwed!   Moving on……..

I “prepared” for IT. IT didn’t happen.  IT will happen.  But now that IT didn’t/hasn’t happened, what to do? Of course, being grateful is first on the list, but “moving on and living” just doesn’t sum up the “what to do.” I think that is going to be a follow up discussion too.

  • What am I not in the business of? Yep, that’s right!!! LOL😜😂😄 I’m not in the business of being right or wrong. HOWEVER, it is rather pleasing to be right.  LOL, I know, how  unevolved am I? I’m human in this moment so litigate against me.  😜😃😄😝 with that said….

  • One of my TOP ONE MILLION PET PEEVES. People who have to constantly remind people “how much more intelligent and smart I am.” I just look and nod. All the while, I’m thinking, a real intellectual does not have to announce it – on a daily basis…several times a day and then seek confirmation.  LOL!  Meow meow
  • Sexuality and sex. gender identification and orientation…are all different things. Why can’t legislators just allow “THE PEOPLE” to govern their respective personal lives?  Why, is it that the country everyone runs to, or used to run to because it was the beacon to personal freedom seeks to legislate one of the MOST sacred personal freedoms; the freedom to choose who we love?

This wraps up this instalment. I may update this later. I may just tap out another one. Who the Koss knows?

😜😂😝

  • Love, in my youth, I admit I sought her out. FAIL!! As I matured, I stopped looking for LOVE and thought that LOVE would find me. REALLY, DID I REALLY THINK THAT WOULD HAPPEN? So, now, I enjoy the “freedom” of having no significant other. However, there are times when I’d welcome the “shackles” of having a sig. However, as I type this, I realise that the words used are perhaps an indication of how I view romantic entanglements.😱😝😂👻

14 April – It’s time to put this baby to bed.

I’m sitting here in my chair, listening to Friday Night Dinner, gazing out my window. Realisation.. despite everything, I am of peace. That sustains me. It also sustains others. Here’s something else that I believe. I believe that through a combined force of WILL, there are groups, communities of people who are also “of peace” and through their efforts we, as a species have not wiped ourselves out. We’ve come so close. Yet…

I’ve lost that train.

I’m wrapping up with a rhetorical here.

Why is it so difficult to just do the “right” thing?


A pui tardí



A decision made and one I hope to keep.

With that last blog “Status update becomes a blog,” I’ve made yet another decision. I’m really tired of being bombarded by the less than helpful images and general “news” of the world on my timeline/feed/whatever the hell it’s called, so I am going to change what I want to see on my timeline/feed/whatever the hell it’s called. I’m going to change what I post on my timeline/feed/whatever the hell it’s called. Bye bye, CNN, ABC and the like. I ❤️ ya Huffpost, but you gotta go. Let me put it this way. If it’s not music related, family related, garden related and basic general stuff; I’m not going to post it. After all I don’t and people should not get their “news” from Facebook, Twitter, Flickr and the like.

We’ll see how this works..

✌️ my siblings from another mother✌️

music and messages contained therein

the lyrics used here were found on the interwebs. I’ve tried to correct them as best as I could.

You do recall that I LOVE MUSIC don’t you? I can listen to anything except Dixieland Jazz and hardcore Gangsta Rap. I can’t process the harmonics in Dixieland Jazz and the other…I think it’s just noise…rude noise. But that’s me. Lately I’ve been grooving to Miss Alanis Morissette. (Truth be told, I’m almost always grooving to her. We’ve grown up together. Her music is evidence of that. I digress) Two of her tunes in particular speak to my heart. The first is…

WIN and WIN

In my old days someone won
Those were days of win-lose
In those bleak times I was better
I sat high: looking down my nose

Changed direction: looking up
I am not worthy to be with you
We are separate, I’m inferior
I have yearnings to sit across from you

‘Cause we’re eye to eye
We are win and win
We are equal to each other
We are flames of twin
We are offspring of truth
We are partner-sister-brother

Both directions speak a lie
Up or down, I can feel you
As we battle with our power
We are separate, not looking across

‘Cause we’re eye to eye
We are win and win
We are equal to each other
We are flames of twin
We are offspring of truth
We are partner-sister-brother

These delusions of our grandeur
We are locked in the struggle
These lies of status lower
These conclusions, we’re in trouble

‘Cause we’re eye to eye
We are win and win
We are equal to each other
We are flames of twin
We are offspring of truth
We are partner- sister- brother

Same value…. same value….

The other Alanis Morissette song that speaks to me is..

receive

I wake up and first things first
I’m of service
I make sure your needs are met, I’m so selfless
I give hard and serve hard and now I, I need a break
I give big, I give all and now it’s time to regenerate

Today’s all about me, all about cup filling
Today’s all about me learning how, how to receive
How to receive,
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

I move on through offerings often one-sided
Being this low on list of worth: over-extended

I give hard, provide hard and now I need some relief
I look out, I proffer, and now I need some respite indeed

Today’s all about me, all about cup filling
Today’s all about me learning how, how to receive
How to receive,
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

My habit to love you first and me: remainders
Favoring you is so knee-jerk, leaves me a stranger
I give hard, impart hard and now I need to retreat
I give out, dedicate and now I need to acknowledge me

Today’s all about me, all about cup filling
Today’s all about me learning how, how to receive
How to receive,
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
How to receive
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
How to receive
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
How to receive
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
How to receive

Both can be found on …
20140711-063145-23505126.jpg

Who remembers The Tracey Ullman show? Do you recall the episode when one of the characters talked about having a theme tune to his life? I’ve always agreed! Once I heard Conjure One’s “Extraordinary Way,” I knew I found the theme tune to my life.

Extraordinary Way featuring Poe

What I have is nothing to my name
No property to speak of
And no trophy for my game
Intangible and worthless
My assets on the page
My coffers are empty
Any offer of safety has faded away
But what I have, what I have is

On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You take what I can give and you treasure it
On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You turn to me and say, I believe in this

That makes me lucky, God, I’m lucky
So much luckier than I ever thought I’d be
‘Cause what I have
(What I have)
Means so very little to this world

A promise that I kept
And a bridge that I saved before it burned
The sacrifice that I made
Brought me to my knees

A choice that cost me everything
And set somebody else free
But what I have is the value
That you see in these things

On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You take what I can give and you treasure it
On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You turn to me and say, I believe in this

That makes me lucky, God I’m lucky
So much luckier than I ever thought I’d be
‘Cause what I have is the value
That you see in these things

And every time I forget those things
You bring them right back to me

With your patience
When I’m blinding mad
And your passion
When I’m really, really bad

And your eyes, taking in everything I am
And your body and soul
And the way that you know
How I treasure you

On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You take what I can give and you treasure it
On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You turn to me and say, I believe in this

That makes me lucky, God, I’m so lucky
So much luckier than I ever thought I’d be

On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You take what I can give and you treasure it
On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You turn to me and say, I believe in this.

I can’t tell you what messages are contained therein. What you take away from each is up to you. Heck, the possibility exists that you’ll feel nothing. And guess what my friends. That’s ok.✌️

Well, I’m off out! A pui tardì!

I am of peace.

I am “sad.” I feel “sadness” in my heart. SAD not “depressed”

I stand here, looking out of the window, listening to Bent’s Swollen. I stand here thinking about how “sad” I am right now. Worry not, this isn’t an “Awwww poor baby” post. 😆

I am sad….
because, unless the bulk of humanity changes, we are doomed.
because I see fewer and fewer children in the out of doors, playing.
because I see people fight with themselves when deciding betwixt “right” and “wrong” when the choice is “easy.” Just do the right thing!
because those who need to be heard, who should be heard…aren’t heard.
because I am baffled about … just about everything.
because some where, some when – some one is cold, hungry, alone and afraid.
because I’ve not yet met a people whose technology would appear “magical” to me. (just seeing if you’re paying attention. Or am I?)

I am sad…
because of bloodshed over ….
pieces of metal
pieces of paper
how one group acknowledges the Supreme Being
who loves whom
land
water
cattle
dogs
football (American and European)
a pair of trainers
the latest designer fad
gold
oil
a perceived slight
a fight decades old, yet unresolved
because our respective government/rulers have forgotten that they “rule”/”lead” at the whim of the people. (With the exception of a few monarchies)

I am saddened because…
although there are a few people who “get it,” enough do not “get it.”
because as much as I welcome change, I dread the changes taking place in the world today.
because people just don’t get that…..(homage to A Fine Frenzy)

We were all one cell in the sea in the beginning.

Although I am saddened, I do believe that there is hope. LOL, I have faith in humans. I believe, that eventually they’ll do the right thing…..eventually. Let’s hope it won’t be too late.

Oh, I say “sad” not “depressed” because, I know that we can change. It is because of that knowledge that I’m not depressed.

Well, I’m needed in another place in time!

a pui tardi

Yeah, I AM of peace!

A few things..

Hi!

I really do appreciate those new subscribers. You folk are the best! Of, course those guys and gals who have been there/here from the beginning, you are the crème de la crème of followers ✌️😀😃😺

HEALTH UPDATE
I’m still a medical fascination. I don’t really know what else to say other than, it’s not the best…Goddess knows, it’s not the worst, but, my “way of life” noooooooo, the “way I lived” has changed! Has it changed for the better? I don’t know. I guess that is something that….only time will tell 🙂

The Universe takes care of her own.

I’ve been super excited, super bummed for the past few days. A friend, a close friend of mine returns home tomorrow to have his worst dream realised and, honestly, I’m not really up to offering any support. It’s not that I don’t want to offer it. It’s that I just do not have it in me. I am drained, in ways I didn’t think possible.

I have a bunch of “fears” associated with this reunion as well. Now, let’s see how I can say this without sounding like a twat.
As we, individuals, navigate our way through life, lessons are learned.
As we learn these “life lessons” our experiences, our way of interacting with our community changes.
As we incorporate these changes into our lives, we “evolve.

What if, because of separation our paths have diverged so much, that continued association would be counterproductive?
I am recalling how the last reunion went….not fondly, but not horribly either. Oh well, there is no need to borrow trouble.

Let’s see, what else?
Well, as some of you know, my mother, the woman from whose loins I sprang, died a few years ago. Her death left a hole in my soul that can never be filled. More recently, the Lady Donna, my “Ivory mother” died…in front of us…no warning. Another lurch, my world torn asunder, another hole, irreparably ripped in my soul. Wow, two of the most important women in my life gone…in the blink of an eye. I grieve, but it is more important that I live up to their legacies.

With certain realisations, my muse has returned. So, I’ve been freezing moments in time! I’ve been playing with colour -electronic style. And film, I’ve shot a few rolls of film. (I hope they come out well.) I’ll post them on my Flickr page.

Hey, something just occurred to me. I do not believe that anyone has ever answered a question asked ages ago; “To whom does the Father confessor confess?” But as I ask it again, I’m thinking that it’s probably much like “to whom does a therapist talk when he/she is troubled?”

I’ve decided to get up and go out. I it make take me an hour to get there, but I want to eat — to have a bite or two of something out. (I don’t say “eat” anymore because…..)

So, I’ll post snaps later. Fill you in on my sojourn to nutritional bio-matter. And anything else that comes to mind.

whoa did I mention that I’m considering a name change for the blog? No? Well, I am….I think it’s time for a change.

A pui tardi!

I am of peace 99.9% of the time. 🙂

I am a liar, plain and simple.

I put on a happy face.
I say, “I’m fine, doing much better.”
Sometimes, I lie to myself.

I say to myself, “today is going to be a better day.”
And, admittedly, it is.
Until I move.

I’m not fine.
My body is broken.
My brain betrays me…almost 24/7.
I ache physically.
I ache spiritually.
I ache.

My senses betray me.
Is this real?

I am a liar.
I’m not fine.
I am dying.
Yeah, I know.
We’re all dying.
It’s the normal conclusion to existence.
Mine is accelerated.

If everything is going to be “ok,”
Why as I type this
Tears are streaming down my face?

I am a liar to those who ask after my health.
I am not “fine.”
It’s not going to be “ok.”
I am going to die.
I am.

I don’t want to.
I’ve not thrown in the towel.
But, I’m tired.
No, not tired.
I am exhausted.

But, I’ll get up.
Wash my face.
Put on a smile.
And say,

I’m fine.
Thanks for asking.

LIAR!

Peace eludes me today.

Ciao, ciao
A pui tardi.

I tell you that “I’m fine.” The reality…

is that I’m not. I think Paul Lawrence Dunbar said it best

We Wear the Mask

WE wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

Today, I ache, from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet. I’ve spent the morning worshipping the porcelain goddess.

I have spent the better part of the morning, mourning for the Drew of yesteryear. Jeepers, for a man who very rarely if ever cried, that is all I seem to do. As if tears can heal. Yeah, I know tears can be very cathartic. At least that’s what I read.

You know of late, I’ve been thinking of an old television show, Logan’s Run. To shuck it to the cob, at age 30 I believe, you were killed. Or something like that. I can’t really recall.

I want it over. Yet, I want to “beat” this. I want to show how strong human determination and will are. But the energy it takes, is exhausting.

I believe that science holds the key. I believe that my faith also holds the key. Faith and science, very strange bedfellows. 😒 The physicians all say that by taking this pill and that capsule, getting this shot and that shot, they say I’ll live a long life. bollocks Having to put synthetic drugs into my “temple” every six hours…isn’t NORMAL. Having to have weekly blood tests just to make sure these meds haven’t become TOXIC….that isn’t normal.

Wowzers, of course, I want to scream, “Why me?” As if I would wish this agony on anyone else. I’ve looked back over the 46 years…..more like 26 and examined my actions to see if I “deserve” this. And if course, I see a near perfect and just life. I admit to some faults and flaws – a few missteps, but nothing to deserve …..this. But all in all I see a life lived as authentically as possible. I see a person who opened his home, heart and wallet to anyone in need. What does that mean now? Absolutely nothing it doesn’t mean a bloody thing.

Well, I’m done for today. Going to make every effort to escape this room. But honestly, that ain’t gonna happen.

Despite the pain and misery, I am of peace.

Ciao ciao!