Category Archives: HUMANS

Written under the influence…

…of binaural beats.
I don’t know if it’s it a bunch of bullspit or not. I went into it with the, “it won’t hurt” mindset.

After a few days, I may have to change my mind. I’ve been able to focus. I’ve been pleasant. I mean smiling and laughing with people instead of at them “pleasant.” My creativity has increased (at least I think it has.)

Could it be the binaural cocktail of “morning meditation” then a little “positive energy boost” I throw in a bit of “creativity boost.” The final beat …”pre-exercise workout.” I down that and B A M, I am ready for the morning! I shall continue with this experiment and provide periodic reports.

This is the app I use.

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Have you tried binaural beats? If “yes,” what were/are your thoughts? If, “no,” oh, ok.

I think I’m going to return to “the tube.” Ive been toying around with the idea for a few months/years now. I’d make the occasional vlog here and there. (Somehow, I’ve a second channel. I made it by mistake, if there can be such a thing. ( a “mistake, not the second channel.)
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I’ve discovered that my technology may be somewhat outdated. Oops, let me rephrase that some of my tech (primarily the built in camera on Laptop-O) HOWEVER, on a few test captures using the mobile, I may be able to overcome that obstacle (I finally get to put the Gorilla tripod to good use. YAY \o/ )

I am not an ungrateful person at all. No one has ever said that I was ungrateful (at least not to my face). But there are thoughts that I have that if voiced aloud make me sound it.

Just because

I am of peace

does not mean that I don’t get angry, pissed off and just downright MAD. Have I mentioned that before? No, I’m not only telling this to people who are “surprised” when I blow up; I am also telling this to MYSELF. Lately, I have been having these internal RAGES that leave me weak and ashamed. Yes, I said ashamed. I am ashamed because, these rages come with images and entire dialogues that are filled with nothing but bile and venom. In a FLASH, I kid you not, I can go from elation to caged wolverine. WTFraks up with that?

That was rhetorical. However, if you’d like to chime in, please do so. 👍

I am single because I don’t put my self out in the world to meet people. I am jaded and bitter. I’ve trust issues. The idea of pair bonding does appeal to me. However, I’ve neither the time, the emotional wherewithal or even the desire to be coupled with anyone – any more. I’ve tried it. Everytime I tried it, the relationship outlived the previous. Which should be a good thing. However, that only means the “hurt” the “heartbreak” lasts longer each time. (ZOMG! My ocular implants are malfunctioning. They appear to be leaking.)

Any whooooo…

I do like my new house. I can’t quite call it home. I don’t “feel” like it is “home.” The fault lies with no one. I’ve not felt like I’ve had a “home” in decades. I can’t recall. Oh well. That’s an obsessive thought for another time.

Someone is getting the hang of the Twitter. 😄😄😄😜 Yep, I’m there too. Click here > the Twitter

I should point out that just like on Instagram, I am not a “follow for follow” kinda guy. If your feed is open, I’ll check it out. And if there is something there that makes me say, hummm, I’ll hang out. 🙂 just an FYI. I need to spend more “real-time” on the Twitter. The majority of my tweets are “bot” redirect/shares. Every now and again, I do have an origi thought. “Origi” jejejeje

As I gazed out the window for a bit,
My eye caught a blaze of gold and green
A splash of colour
a drop of rain
Blow winds
chill Fall breeze
Is it Fall
I only “know” BOILING and FREEZING
Wow
I see a runner
Wishing, longing, missing
I gaze
{chime chime chime}
Text message…
There’s that hurt

As I gazed out the window

by the Gods of Sky and Earth

Oh well

A pui tardí

✌️

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10 Things We Can Do to Contribute to Internal, Interpersonal and Organisational Peace

A few days ago, (yesterday to be exact) I decided to post those things that I find “helpful” and “uplifting.” So, today, instead of visiting those usual websites, I surfed the interwebs and found this. These are the 10 Things We Can Do to Contribute to Internal, Interpersonal and Organisational Peace

(1) Spend some time each day quietly reflecting on how we would like to relate to ourselves and others.

(2) Remember that all human beings have the same needs.

(3) Check our intention to see if we are as interested in others getting their needs met as our own.

(4) When asking someone to do something, check first to see if we are making a request or a demand.

(5) Instead of saying what we DON’T want someone to do, say what we DO want the person to do.

(6) Instead of saying what we want someone to BE, say what action we’d like the person to take that we hope will help the person be that way.

(7) Before agreeing or disagreeing with anyone’s opinions, try to tune in to what the person is feeling and needing.

(8) Instead of saying “No,” say what need of ours prevents us from saying “Yes.”

(9) If we are feeling upset, think about what need of ours is not being met and what we could do to meet it, instead of thinking about what’s wrong with others or ourselves.

(10) Instead of praising someone who did something we like, express our gratitude by telling the person what need of ours that action met.

The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) would like there to be a critical mass of people using Nonviolent Communication language so all people will get their needs met and resolve their conflicts peacefully.

2001, revised 2004 Gary Baran & CNVC. The right to freely duplicate this document is hereby granted.

a pui tardí

A decision made and one I hope to keep.

With that last blog “Status update becomes a blog,” I’ve made yet another decision. I’m really tired of being bombarded by the less than helpful images and general “news” of the world on my timeline/feed/whatever the hell it’s called, so I am going to change what I want to see on my timeline/feed/whatever the hell it’s called. I’m going to change what I post on my timeline/feed/whatever the hell it’s called. Bye bye, CNN, ABC and the like. I ❤️ ya Huffpost, but you gotta go. Let me put it this way. If it’s not music related, family related, garden related and basic general stuff; I’m not going to post it. After all I don’t and people should not get their “news” from Facebook, Twitter, Flickr and the like.

We’ll see how this works..

✌️ my siblings from another mother✌️

Sigh, heavy sigh

I’ve lost my “spark.” I know it. I feel it. It’s gone. I’ve tried to no avail to re-ignite it, but it’s gone. The things that gave me some measure of joy, those things mean nothing to me now or the amount of pleasure derived from these things has diminished. I mouth words of affection and adoration, but the feeling behind them is hollow. I mean them, but the passion and emotional energy is feigned.

I am reminded of some lyrics from the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I touch the fire and it freezes me. I look into it and it’s black. Why can’t I feel? My skin should crack and peel! I want the fire back!

Oh well, a pui tardi.

music and messages contained therein

the lyrics used here were found on the interwebs. I’ve tried to correct them as best as I could.

You do recall that I LOVE MUSIC don’t you? I can listen to anything except Dixieland Jazz and hardcore Gangsta Rap. I can’t process the harmonics in Dixieland Jazz and the other…I think it’s just noise…rude noise. But that’s me. Lately I’ve been grooving to Miss Alanis Morissette. (Truth be told, I’m almost always grooving to her. We’ve grown up together. Her music is evidence of that. I digress) Two of her tunes in particular speak to my heart. The first is…

WIN and WIN

In my old days someone won
Those were days of win-lose
In those bleak times I was better
I sat high: looking down my nose

Changed direction: looking up
I am not worthy to be with you
We are separate, I’m inferior
I have yearnings to sit across from you

‘Cause we’re eye to eye
We are win and win
We are equal to each other
We are flames of twin
We are offspring of truth
We are partner-sister-brother

Both directions speak a lie
Up or down, I can feel you
As we battle with our power
We are separate, not looking across

‘Cause we’re eye to eye
We are win and win
We are equal to each other
We are flames of twin
We are offspring of truth
We are partner-sister-brother

These delusions of our grandeur
We are locked in the struggle
These lies of status lower
These conclusions, we’re in trouble

‘Cause we’re eye to eye
We are win and win
We are equal to each other
We are flames of twin
We are offspring of truth
We are partner- sister- brother

Same value…. same value….

The other Alanis Morissette song that speaks to me is..

receive

I wake up and first things first
I’m of service
I make sure your needs are met, I’m so selfless
I give hard and serve hard and now I, I need a break
I give big, I give all and now it’s time to regenerate

Today’s all about me, all about cup filling
Today’s all about me learning how, how to receive
How to receive,
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

I move on through offerings often one-sided
Being this low on list of worth: over-extended

I give hard, provide hard and now I need some relief
I look out, I proffer, and now I need some respite indeed

Today’s all about me, all about cup filling
Today’s all about me learning how, how to receive
How to receive,
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

My habit to love you first and me: remainders
Favoring you is so knee-jerk, leaves me a stranger
I give hard, impart hard and now I need to retreat
I give out, dedicate and now I need to acknowledge me

Today’s all about me, all about cup filling
Today’s all about me learning how, how to receive
How to receive,
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
How to receive
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
How to receive
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
How to receive
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
How to receive

Both can be found on …
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Who remembers The Tracey Ullman show? Do you recall the episode when one of the characters talked about having a theme tune to his life? I’ve always agreed! Once I heard Conjure One’s “Extraordinary Way,” I knew I found the theme tune to my life.

Extraordinary Way featuring Poe

What I have is nothing to my name
No property to speak of
And no trophy for my game
Intangible and worthless
My assets on the page
My coffers are empty
Any offer of safety has faded away
But what I have, what I have is

On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You take what I can give and you treasure it
On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You turn to me and say, I believe in this

That makes me lucky, God, I’m lucky
So much luckier than I ever thought I’d be
‘Cause what I have
(What I have)
Means so very little to this world

A promise that I kept
And a bridge that I saved before it burned
The sacrifice that I made
Brought me to my knees

A choice that cost me everything
And set somebody else free
But what I have is the value
That you see in these things

On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You take what I can give and you treasure it
On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You turn to me and say, I believe in this

That makes me lucky, God I’m lucky
So much luckier than I ever thought I’d be
‘Cause what I have is the value
That you see in these things

And every time I forget those things
You bring them right back to me

With your patience
When I’m blinding mad
And your passion
When I’m really, really bad

And your eyes, taking in everything I am
And your body and soul
And the way that you know
How I treasure you

On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You take what I can give and you treasure it
On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You turn to me and say, I believe in this

That makes me lucky, God, I’m so lucky
So much luckier than I ever thought I’d be

On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You take what I can give and you treasure it
On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You turn to me and say, I believe in this.

I can’t tell you what messages are contained therein. What you take away from each is up to you. Heck, the possibility exists that you’ll feel nothing. And guess what my friends. That’s ok.✌️

Well, I’m off out! A pui tardì!

I am of peace.

i am going to be all over the place with this one…

where do i want to start?
“the beginning is always a good place.”
i don’t want to go that far back.

well, it is almost a year that my life, my existence changed…forever.

ups and downs
hither and ‘yond
“life”
“death”
laughter
despair
loneliness – both complete and incomplete

as i sit here and type these words…these feelings into being….

i got up to get a granola bar and now i’ve forgotten what i was going to say. welcome to my world!!! 🙂 🙂

ahhhhh

i’ve often heard the phrase ‘the business of living’ but lately, i’ve been more concerned about or with ‘the business of death.’

i’ve discovered that there are varied ranges in cost and pomp in funeral preperation. (i now see why my mother did her advanced planning) even for the most (i think) simplest of services. (simple cremation and find a tree or a wood that wont be destroyed in months to come to make way for another mini-mall or housing complex an d spread my ashes.

i’ve seen the attempts at upselling casket liners…(really, at that point WHO THE HELL CARES???) types of caskets and/or memorial “take aways”, videos, plaques, laminated obituraries….all costing the bereaved thousands and thousands of dollars. what ever happened to the days of newspaper obituary listings. I was just AMAZED, floored, stunned, flabbergasted. Ahhhh, the little voice is speaking to me. She says…

drew, my dearest drew. funerals aren’t for the dead. they are for the survivors. the more elaborate and expensive the service, the more guilt the survivors have.

i don’t quite know what to make of that. so i’ll just walk away.

i made another jaw dropping realisation a few days ago. i wanted to sit with it, chew on it and see if the associated feelings were genuine or just poo.

i, of course decided that the feeling was genuine and from my perspective #truth. what was the realisation? i realised that in many cases….

i am a better friend to my friends than they are to me.

this is what i mean… you know what, an explanation is not really necessary. i say that not to dissuade discussion. i say it because it was/is how i felt. and we all know that there is very little logic when dealing with feelings.

and another thing.
there are times, when sitting in my chair, gazing out, i run scenarios through my head. those “if i hadn’t met ‘x’ my life would be different” kinda things.

yes, i am aware that of course things would be different. i’m not a complete goober.

i just think about how one encounter with someone – ripples through out …time.

i would murder for a lasagna and salad with a balsamic vinegar dressing. i will settle for carrot sticks and ranch dressing.

when did sex and sexuality become things used to define people? i am aware of the adage “sex sells,” but, it seems that it is everywhere now and with that the various aspects of sexuality. homosexuality, heterosexuality, asexuality, bisexuality, celibacy, abstinence, transexuality…what is the big bleeding deal? i don’t understand. that is just ONE, tiny aspect of a person. just ONE aspect. i’m walking away again.

whoa, now some states will allow businesses the right to deny service to LGBT people or anyone else who contradicts an owner’s religious beliefs. i don’t know if i am “pleased – let me explain about the use of ‘pleased’ that some bigots aren’t letting their love of the almighty dollar guide their consciences. what does it matter how someone spends their private time when they are ordering the best champagne and top tier meal? but i guess, poverty and hatred are more worthy than providing the BEST customer service to PAYING customers. great ceaser’s ghost! what the hell is happening to the world? What happened to tolerance?

i’ve discovered that i have two you tube channels. i kinda recall creating the second. i thought that i was signing in using my google account. i wasn’t. i was creating an account. oh well, i am not going to delete it. i’m thinking that it was created for some reason. i just have to figure out what that reason is. A thought was to let it be a channel for unedited thoughts/unguarded moments (as “unguarded” as one can be when being recorded). it will also be used to put what i’m reading into action Daring Greatly. i need to work on a few things and i think this may just be one of the many tools to help along the way.

i’m also going to start to minimise my online presence. what i mean by that. i am going to “shut down” some little used to not used vedekdrew sites. although i had a larger following on blogger, i believe that i’ll stick with wordpress for now. i’m kinda torn with regard to the online photo storage sites i use. flickr offers one TB of storage. i’ve already almost maxed out my dropbox account and my shoebox is best used on my portable devices.

i’ve tossed and turned with writing this. i’ve decided to go ahead.
if you’ve been following this blog/sporadic ramblings, you’ll recall that i am coming up on the one year anniversary of my…terminal diagnosis. the inoperable brain tumour/lesion/hole whatever its called. if you also recall, i shared with you that i was told that i (A.) wouldn’t live past All Hallows’ Eve (that Halloween to some). Then, I was told (B.) that if i made it past AHE, that it would be a miracle if i made it to the new year. guess what, the new year has come and gone.

well, it is 24 april 2014 and….i am still here. and dare i say it, today, i feel that all of the pain and suffering may have been worth it. (no not really)
i will share this with you. it is my opinion; it is my belief that NO MAN/WOMANshould EVERknow when they will or may expire. As the day approaches, one becomes some what paralysed with indecision. i admit, i am still ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop.’ those days when it takes every bit of reserve to just move…i think ‘today is the day.’ when i have that extra burst of energy, i recall stories of people who had that burst of energy before they died. yeah, that is where my head goes sometimes.

but, now, i’ve to decide on what is the next path for me. i am considered permanently disabled because of the inoperability of the tumour/lesion/hole thingie. but that leads to another problem. i’ll need to earn some money. living off of the investments, savings and insurance payments will eventually run out. i am unable to receive any help from the state as a result of my “income.” it is just frustrating. HOWEVER, i am much better off than others. i do not have to worry about having the electrics turned off or any of the other mod-cons. for now at least….but with this change that HAS TO BE MADE…

well. i am off out! i want to put this to “bed” and start the next one (finish the other on the clipboard.)

OH, ONE THING

there was a time, when mine was a very regimented, well-scheduled life/existence. i knew where i was supposed to be, what i was supposed to be doing, etc, etc, etc. somewhere along the line i adopted a ‘go with the flow attitude.’ i think that i am going to have to find a happy medium betwixt the two. i LIKE the idea of planning. i like the perceived “control.’ however, i also like the fluidity of the flow. arrrrrrgh

i do know that i have to return to a schedule. there are more than enough hours in the day to get what i want to complete – completed! i am going to play around with it – a schedule.

well, guess what, i am needed in another place in time… 🙂 \O/

a pui tardi

i am of peace

The Pay it forward challenge

Well, I made the mistake of actually reading a few Facebook postings and ran across this…

The first 5 people to comment below will receive a gift from me. It might be a book, concert tickets, a pen… who knows… a random surprise. It will be sent to you sometime before the end of 2013, randomly and without notice. It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, provided you are a friend on FB. It will happen whenever I feel inspired and I find something cool that I think you’ll like. There is one catch. Those five people must make the same offer in the FB status before the end of the week. It’s about spreading goodwill and paying-it-forward.

THIS IS/WAS FOR FACEBOOK ONLY!!! I do not there to be any confusion!! 🙂
I thought this was refreshing! There was no threat of financial ruin. My hair won’t fall out. The swarm of locusts has been delayed! Jejejejeje

So, I’m going to participate! I’ve some really neat gift ideas!

Let’s see….

Jennifer ✅
Kim ✅
Diane ✅

three down, two to go!

Is it wrong for me to be really excited about this?

A pui tardi!