Category Archives: lift/elevator

“you should be more like…”

…insert name.

Do you know HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE HEARD THAT?

TOO FUCKING MANY!!!!!!! sorry for the pay channel language.

I grow so weary of people telling me how to behave and how I should be and what I should do.

You know what? I think I’m a rather nice guy. I am aware of my flaws. In fact, I embrace them with open arms! I realise that I am not the easiest person to get to know. Hell, sometimes I can’t stand myself. LOL! But it may be worth a moment of your time to try. After all, I’ve made an effort to try to get to know you. (and if you know me you know that for me to extend myself, to put it out there, is a big step….)

Phunny thing. Morcheeba’s “Be yourself” just started playing on the pod!

Let’s shuck this to the cob. If I need to be more like (Jimmy, Ray, Don, Bob) for you to “like” me, then, don’t, because I won’t.

After all, YOU invited yourself into MY space (not the site, my personal sphere). I did not seek you out. Something to think about.

Oh by the bye, those people you want me to be more like….well, because folk tend to forget I’m around, I see and hear their dirty little secrets. Believe me, you really don’t want me to be more like them……believe me

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Annoying Things To Do On A/an Lift/elevator

CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask “Got enough air in there?”



STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.



WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you’re embarrassed when they open themselves.



GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.



MEOW occasionally.



STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: “You’re one of THEM” – and back away slowly



SAY -DING at each floor.



SAY “I wonder what all these do?” And push all the red buttons.



MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.



STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: “I have new socks on.”



WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: “Is that your beeper?”



TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.



DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: “This is my personal space.”



WHEN there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn’t you.



PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.



ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.



HOLD the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say “Hi Greg, How’s your day been?”



DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: “That’s mine!”



BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.



PRETEND you’re a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.



SWAT at flies that don’t exist.



CALL out “Group hug” then enforce it.

Yes, I am bored! Listening to Miss Olivia Newton-John.