Category Archives: one

"why do you do this?"

often asked, “why are you so obsessed with this internet?”
the answer came to me this morning
because, here i can try to express those things
that do not come out easily
here i can explore those things that exist in the silences of my mind
here i can think about things i have done

places i have gone
people i have met

hell i could be doing hundreds of less than helpful things

i could be out all night drinking
i could be shooting up junk in the bathroom
making it with punks on the floor

(ode to Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians)

i could be spending mone
y willy nilly
but no i blog
but no i vlog
i try to reach out
but i am here

are these people more important than i
can’t you focus on us

what is the point forever is a long time
and there are days when i feel as if
only i can see to the end
speaking of focus
did i mention
here i am not constantly
called a liar
here the past does not CONSTANTLY visit like the house guest who WOULD NOT leave this blogging thing
this vlogging thing

kinda sorta keeps me sane

ran across this this morning.

“The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn’t, matters not a jot. The possibility is always there.”

Monica Baldwin

well the day has to start

i long for the days, a few months ago
when relative peace and contentment reigned supreme
i worked, played with the kids, sat around and absorbed “life”
i had more laughs than tears
more joy then heartache
my heart breaks everyday
one phone call
one accusation
is all it takes

so, i am going to RTO
that one is me
the exploration of self
the exploration of emotion
the exploration of feelings
an ongoing endeavor

but honestly, no matter how many blogs i post
no matter how many vlogs i create
ultimately, I have to decide
am i going to continue in this maze

one day at a time