Category Archives: quotes

I’ve been tested and was found lacking/ When “good” people think “bad” thoughts and a general WTF?????

PICTURE IT, Virginia Beach, Virginia 2013….

I’m in my quarters, minding my own business and I was asked a silly question. NOW, I realise that it was a test…..NOW I realise that. Then I did not. In my annoyance, I, Drew, snapped!

“Why would you ask me a stupid question like that, I bellowed?”


Keep in mind friends, that she used that IRRITATING, cutie baby voice that I’m discovering a lot of grown women think is cute when trying to manipulate a male, a voice that DRIVES ME CRAZY.

Keep in mind friends, I hear the little voice in my head saying; “Check your tone. Check your words. Check your attitude. Breathe….. breathe….breathe!”
But something, just kept pushing me…forcing me to…be the ginormous arsehole that I can be, have been and most likely will be in future.

Why ask that?

Who said that about you?

Why do you constantly need the adoration of people who don’t care if you’re dead or alive?

What, you’ve not received the amount of attention required to make you feel complete?

What, do you need ANOTHER pat on the back to build your ego?

What is the fucking purpose of this dialogue?

What do you want me to say?

I don’t have time for this shit, get the fuck out of my face.


She fled and the wretched thing about it, I then followed her through the house…badgering, picking, antagonising until, in a stream of tears and sobs, she literally runs out of the house.
With no one else left on which to pick, reason set in and I started questioning my behaviours.

“Drew Alden, what the frak just happened there?”
“Drew Alden, WTF?”
“Drew Alden, did you stroke out for a minute?”
“Drew Alden, can we say MPD?”

After reflection…
The question was NOT what ticked me off. But as I re-read this, the question itself was but one catalyst. Additional factors were the way it was asked (that bloody voice). Her sanctimonious expression she used (one that should have told me that she needed ego stroking; an expression she used before when needing to have her ego stroked).

Just her entire carriage offended me and I lashed out!

But why Drew? Nothing has changed, she is now, what she was then and what she will be in future.

I believe it is because I’ve never one who sought out accolades and it baffles me when some only do “helpful” things when they will reap some reward, be it tangible or intangible. I’ve never really had that problem. If I believe that my motives are pure, I don’t really give a rip what anyone else thinks. I have never been one who required the consensus of his friends in order to make a decision. When I do something, I do it for the cosmic return of helpful energy. I was stunned, amazed, baffled and a few more adjectives that I can’t recall. BUT WHY???

I can’t answer why….right now. Perhaps in a few weeks, it will all be made clear.

Now, on to another thing…

Have you ever had a thought, one that is “so unlike you” that it baffled you?

Whoa, what was I thinking
Why did that come to mind?
Could I really do that to someone and keep them alive?
Can one do that and keep a person alive?
Would he/she really be missed?
I could cut you from navel to nose and not sweat a drop.

You know, thoughts like that! I won’t mention the other thoughts I’ve had. Let’s just say that it would make any alleged thoughts had by Caligua (minus the incest) seem virginal. (Is that even a word, "virginal?")

I just find it odd, that these admittedly violent thoughts enter my head and for a moment I play them out. I look for areas of improvement. I see the events unfold before my eyes. :-0 momentary contact with a parallel universe perhaps? 🙂 However, when reason returns… 🙂 that and the fact that I’m too pretty for prison. LOL!!!

As I type, I am reminded of an episode of Star Trek where Spock (TOS), no, it was Tuvok (Voyager), humm perhaps it was T’Pol (Enterprise) (it was one of those Vulcans) who said that it is not the destruction of emotions, but its mastery of emotion that Vulcans seek. To master those less than helpful thoughts, feelings, musings into something helpful. Oh well, that thought is gone!

I have a LOT of things I need to wrap up! I’ve projects on my desk, desktop and in various places in the yard that need to be completed soon before I take on anything else. I also have some vlogging to do. Busy busy busy..

I did tell you that this was going to be a “WTF” entry. A hodgepodge of thoughts if you will.


Oh, the latest piece commissioned by the Lady Donna.

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For some reason, I decided to overlay a cloud picture. Why? Because I could. 😛

Oh, health update: I’m still here. I am beginning to feel a bit more like my old self more and more. The docs still won’t let me drive. I have been forbidden to return to the gym. I can’t be outside for extended periods of time and the big kick in the crotch, I need to have a chaperone whenever I leave the house. REALLY!!!!!! I’m like 1/2 a billion years old and I’m not allowed out without a playmate!!! LOL!!!! I can’t even participate in the 30 day squat challenge. Something about inter-cranial pressure, oedema (oh my goodness, oedema=dropsy, who knew?) I need to do something because I’m becoming flabbier around the middle than usual. The tumour has decreased in size (horizontally) but there is still swelling and a mysterious bleed. I’ve to schedule another MRI within the next few weeks. I discovered today, that I have HUGE gaps in memory. It isn’t as difficult, but I am still having trouble “thinking.” Additionally, there are times when an appendage will just start to shake – uncontrollably, lasting for a few seconds. However, those “seconds” feel like minutes!

Flip the script although I can’t do a lot of things, I am able to do things differently. For example, humm, can’t really think of anything right now. But I know that I am able to do some things, that I never made time for in past.

I am going to end…this entry here. The next entry, which may be posted later today, well….stay tuned…

same time
same channel
most likely SSDD

A pui tardi!

I am of peace…most of the time.

No really, I am! 🙂

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Touch

😺 A few days ago, I was chatting with my buddy Adam and in jest I told him that I was going to place an advert…

WANTED: Cuddle Buddy

Nothing sexual, just to be clear, NO SEX OF ANY KIND…just someone with whom to cuddle and solve all of the world’s problems from my bed.

This all came about because I realised that of late, the only physical contact I’ve had with anyone has been the cold, clinical hands of a physician or a nurse.
But I flash back, I have received hugs from my sister, Thomi and her fiancé, Rob. I tell you that they give the best hugs. They put their soul into them and Rob; well he is this big hulking mass of muscle, but when he hugs me, a feeling that all will be well, a feeling of security washes over me and I never want to let go. The same can be said for Thomi, her strength of character, who she is, envelopes me and for that brief moment I forget the crap storm that has become my life.
I’ve never been a touchy feely kind of person. In fact, I’ve often shied away from physical contact. For reasons that I really don’t want to get in to right now.
But, well, that’s a pipe dream. I don’t think there are any people out there willing to be cuddle buddies and why should a grown man need one? The answer, because everyone needs to be held every now and again.

ZOMG! 😆😜😂 There is a cuddle buddy network. For S&G I Googled “cuddle buddy” and it gave me all types of returns! Wow!

It’s Friday night and…

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#nbccommunity
#V
#weareofpeace
#modernfamily
#marvel
#sixseasonsandamovie
#cougartown

Drew, WTFrak?
This is the Frak, I’m going through the photo stream and picking images and then below hashtaging my “thoughts” when I look at it the image.

Is there a “spell checking” NEVERMIND….I told you I wasn’t a complete load… 🙂

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#conjureone
#jeangrey
#thephoenix
#spiderphoenix

oops, wow, it’s 4:40 am…..it was only 8:00 when I started this. Can’t believe that I literally fell asleep at my desk.

a pui tardi

Another blog, brought to you by……GetGlue.com and …..

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Ok, I’m also thinking about “peers.”

A few days ago, I listened to this kid complain about his mother.
Now, I will admit, she is a piece of work!! But I kept my mouth shut, until he said one thing.

I would think that we would be peers by now.”

“Young sir, if you live to be a thousand, and she two, you WILL NEVER BE A PEER TO YOUR MOTHER or FATHER.” You may earn more, be better educated, younger and a laundry list of “plusses” in your column; but you will never be their peer. And for your relationship to progress and be less stressful to you and those around you; you need to realise and accept that fact. NEVER

a pui tardi

Wow, it’s almost the end…

Ok, one way to make up for lost blogging days….post your “drafts.”
Yeah, I think I’ve posted four or five blogs left on or is it “in” “draft” status. Of course, I believe that most of the were combined in another blog, but as I said in one, “oh well.”

I’m just pleased “TO BE.”.

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Now off to read some statistical analyses. Type to you next year. 👽👽👽👽😜

a pui tardi

Happiness = Security … or does it?

Wow, once more into the fire.

Would you, could you agree that happiness = security? That without “security” we can’t be happy?

Well, my “security” was taken away today.

(The details aren’t important as they would mean nothing to you. Not being mean or secretive, just telling the “truth.”)

Yet, I’ve not noticed a noticeable drop OR rise in my “happiness.” So is that a valid equation? I have no idea if this loss of “assumed security,” if it is a permanent or temporary situation. However, permanent or temporary the situation, ” ‘life’ will go on.”

But, I’m reflecting on conversations and observations and things are making me say hummm…

Now, one voice is calmly whispering in my ear “the universe will take care of her own.”

“your happiness level hasn’t changed because your “true” security hasn’t been taken away.”

Ok, that is one voice. The other is running the gambit. Dealing with an entire range of human emotions…..so many that I can not/am not equipped to handle them.

Anger (I am always angry. My mother says that I was an angry baby. Not a bite you angry, just this disapproving scowl. But this is different. This time I am more angry with myself for the poorly conceived decisions I made and honestly for listening to ANYTHING except my head. )

Fear (as to the next step. Where do I go from here? )

Confusion (oh my, what to do, what to do?)

Faith (I never thought I was a person of faith. I just took it for granted that if I did “a” and “b” , “c- would happen.” but, now there is something…. Can’t put a pin on it, but….)

Blame (I always go there when I do not want to accept my role in whatever less than helpful situation I find myself. But eventually I realise that I must bear the brunt on the responsibility. And the realisation that those who wrong others and gain from that will rarely accept responsibility – so why blame them?)

But of them all I am still “happy.” Well as “happy” as I allow myself. But you know what, my happiness level is the same today as it was yesterday. (well that’s not the truth, I am in a much better mood than yester-morning. But that pissy mood was banished after Thomi and her workout. Perhaps, yesterday was a trial run…instead of RE-acting today, I PRE-acted yesterday.) But all in all, I am no more “happier” than the “norm.”

So what gives? My “assumed security” is gone, yet my “happiness” is the same. How can that be?

Am I “willing” myself happy? Or is this some type of shock?

Oh well, a pui tardi!

I am of peace…most of the time.

Complications …

Why do we complicate the simple?