Category Archives: RIDDLE ME THIS

A status update becomes a blog

Wow, I’ve been sitting here, reading “news” posts and listening to sound bites from various politicians. I’m shaking my head until I almost gave myself whiplash. I’ve asked myself a few questions.

1. When was the last time I believed ANY POLITICIAN?
2. What LIES and rations of half truths (LIES) will spew from their lips?

I can not remember the last time I believed anything any one of them have said. Wow, that’s sad.

I’ve no faith in the government or the politicians who were “elected” for the people and by the people. When it appears that they just don’t give a fuck about the people. (Sorry for the profanity. No I’m not sorry.) Wow….

✌️I don’t need to move anywhere. Because it appears that all governments are corrupt.✌️

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i am going to be all over the place with this one…

where do i want to start?
“the beginning is always a good place.”
i don’t want to go that far back.

well, it is almost a year that my life, my existence changed…forever.

ups and downs
hither and ‘yond
“life”
“death”
laughter
despair
loneliness – both complete and incomplete

as i sit here and type these words…these feelings into being….

i got up to get a granola bar and now i’ve forgotten what i was going to say. welcome to my world!!! 🙂 🙂

ahhhhh

i’ve often heard the phrase ‘the business of living’ but lately, i’ve been more concerned about or with ‘the business of death.’

i’ve discovered that there are varied ranges in cost and pomp in funeral preperation. (i now see why my mother did her advanced planning) even for the most (i think) simplest of services. (simple cremation and find a tree or a wood that wont be destroyed in months to come to make way for another mini-mall or housing complex an d spread my ashes.

i’ve seen the attempts at upselling casket liners…(really, at that point WHO THE HELL CARES???) types of caskets and/or memorial “take aways”, videos, plaques, laminated obituraries….all costing the bereaved thousands and thousands of dollars. what ever happened to the days of newspaper obituary listings. I was just AMAZED, floored, stunned, flabbergasted. Ahhhh, the little voice is speaking to me. She says…

drew, my dearest drew. funerals aren’t for the dead. they are for the survivors. the more elaborate and expensive the service, the more guilt the survivors have.

i don’t quite know what to make of that. so i’ll just walk away.

i made another jaw dropping realisation a few days ago. i wanted to sit with it, chew on it and see if the associated feelings were genuine or just poo.

i, of course decided that the feeling was genuine and from my perspective #truth. what was the realisation? i realised that in many cases….

i am a better friend to my friends than they are to me.

this is what i mean… you know what, an explanation is not really necessary. i say that not to dissuade discussion. i say it because it was/is how i felt. and we all know that there is very little logic when dealing with feelings.

and another thing.
there are times, when sitting in my chair, gazing out, i run scenarios through my head. those “if i hadn’t met ‘x’ my life would be different” kinda things.

yes, i am aware that of course things would be different. i’m not a complete goober.

i just think about how one encounter with someone – ripples through out …time.

i would murder for a lasagna and salad with a balsamic vinegar dressing. i will settle for carrot sticks and ranch dressing.

when did sex and sexuality become things used to define people? i am aware of the adage “sex sells,” but, it seems that it is everywhere now and with that the various aspects of sexuality. homosexuality, heterosexuality, asexuality, bisexuality, celibacy, abstinence, transexuality…what is the big bleeding deal? i don’t understand. that is just ONE, tiny aspect of a person. just ONE aspect. i’m walking away again.

whoa, now some states will allow businesses the right to deny service to LGBT people or anyone else who contradicts an owner’s religious beliefs. i don’t know if i am “pleased – let me explain about the use of ‘pleased’ that some bigots aren’t letting their love of the almighty dollar guide their consciences. what does it matter how someone spends their private time when they are ordering the best champagne and top tier meal? but i guess, poverty and hatred are more worthy than providing the BEST customer service to PAYING customers. great ceaser’s ghost! what the hell is happening to the world? What happened to tolerance?

i’ve discovered that i have two you tube channels. i kinda recall creating the second. i thought that i was signing in using my google account. i wasn’t. i was creating an account. oh well, i am not going to delete it. i’m thinking that it was created for some reason. i just have to figure out what that reason is. A thought was to let it be a channel for unedited thoughts/unguarded moments (as “unguarded” as one can be when being recorded). it will also be used to put what i’m reading into action Daring Greatly. i need to work on a few things and i think this may just be one of the many tools to help along the way.

i’m also going to start to minimise my online presence. what i mean by that. i am going to “shut down” some little used to not used vedekdrew sites. although i had a larger following on blogger, i believe that i’ll stick with wordpress for now. i’m kinda torn with regard to the online photo storage sites i use. flickr offers one TB of storage. i’ve already almost maxed out my dropbox account and my shoebox is best used on my portable devices.

i’ve tossed and turned with writing this. i’ve decided to go ahead.
if you’ve been following this blog/sporadic ramblings, you’ll recall that i am coming up on the one year anniversary of my…terminal diagnosis. the inoperable brain tumour/lesion/hole whatever its called. if you also recall, i shared with you that i was told that i (A.) wouldn’t live past All Hallows’ Eve (that Halloween to some). Then, I was told (B.) that if i made it past AHE, that it would be a miracle if i made it to the new year. guess what, the new year has come and gone.

well, it is 24 april 2014 and….i am still here. and dare i say it, today, i feel that all of the pain and suffering may have been worth it. (no not really)
i will share this with you. it is my opinion; it is my belief that NO MAN/WOMANshould EVERknow when they will or may expire. As the day approaches, one becomes some what paralysed with indecision. i admit, i am still ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop.’ those days when it takes every bit of reserve to just move…i think ‘today is the day.’ when i have that extra burst of energy, i recall stories of people who had that burst of energy before they died. yeah, that is where my head goes sometimes.

but, now, i’ve to decide on what is the next path for me. i am considered permanently disabled because of the inoperability of the tumour/lesion/hole thingie. but that leads to another problem. i’ll need to earn some money. living off of the investments, savings and insurance payments will eventually run out. i am unable to receive any help from the state as a result of my “income.” it is just frustrating. HOWEVER, i am much better off than others. i do not have to worry about having the electrics turned off or any of the other mod-cons. for now at least….but with this change that HAS TO BE MADE…

well. i am off out! i want to put this to “bed” and start the next one (finish the other on the clipboard.)

OH, ONE THING

there was a time, when mine was a very regimented, well-scheduled life/existence. i knew where i was supposed to be, what i was supposed to be doing, etc, etc, etc. somewhere along the line i adopted a ‘go with the flow attitude.’ i think that i am going to have to find a happy medium betwixt the two. i LIKE the idea of planning. i like the perceived “control.’ however, i also like the fluidity of the flow. arrrrrrgh

i do know that i have to return to a schedule. there are more than enough hours in the day to get what i want to complete – completed! i am going to play around with it – a schedule.

well, guess what, i am needed in another place in time… 🙂 \O/

a pui tardi

i am of peace

I’ve lost my reminder

A few days ago, I lost the last reminder of a decade old association. I cried! Well, perhaps “cried” isn’t an accurate word. A tear or two fell from an eye.

That ring was a symbol of what NOT to fall for in a person.

That ring was a symbol of what happens when one throws ALL reason out the window.

That ring was a symbol of just how rude, inconsiderate and crappy one human being can be to another.

I keep this close to heart. I really don’t need a reminder. I just have to look at the past decade plus of my life for a reminder. Hell, I am a living reminder.

Yet, the fond memories associated with the reminder…still make me blush to this day!!

LOL!!!

a pui tardi!

I am of peace…most of the time.

Just from where do our thoughts come? :-)

Ok, please check out Internal Luminosity for more background. But to fast forward, there were a series of questions at the end of the blog and the last on made me wonder, so, I am using that as a jump off for my return.

Here are my answers ……

How does your brain work?
I went through several answers until I came up with BASIC programming.
What is the desired outcome?
Do I possess the correct tools to achieve desired outcome?
If “Y” the goto line 9
And then at line 9 one set of instructions
If “N” then goto line 20
And at line 20, a completely different set of algorithms ( is that clear? )

When is your thinking most productive?
Oddly, any time of the day. I can be hiking a trail, talking with friends, peeling potatoes, gardening, listening to music, reading http://internal-luminosity.blogspot.com and BOOYAKITTY (that is my version of an Oprah “Aaa-ha” moment).

What do you do when your thinking is challenged or stops working?
I tend to do a few things. I will either walk away from it for a while; or research the issue. Perhaps I’m missing something that would make the picture clearer.
Ask myself, if I am having this much difficulty with…., should I give it more thought?
When all else fails, I sleep on it.

How do you navigate challenges in your thinking?
Frustration
Then I re-evaluate and the BASIC kicks in.

From where do your thoughts originate?
Perhaps this will answer this question.
My thoughts start in space. As they enter the grav field and are slowly pulled to Earth, the fluff and whimsy are burned off. And when it finally finds itself in my head, BASIC kicks in. 🙂

You know what? As I look back at that answer….I’m not thinking that’s not right. Where do my thoughts originate? I now query myself, because there have been times when a thought has entered my mind, something that I would never think about as SOP. And I will often stop shake my head and ask, “Where in the hell did that thought come from?” (yeah, crappy grammar and all)

I have to….think about this..BOOYAKITTY, what if our thoughts are just a cumulative….no not the word…an agglomeration of what we’ve read, heard, been told, lived and live..the sum of our life experiences and those a round us?

Now I am here, wondering …and this just came to mind…as situations/opportunities arise, based on life experiences …..naaah

So, what do you think? From where do our thoughts originate? I’m perplexed – or am I?

a pui tardi

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I’m fighting RESISTANCE

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LOL! I just had this bloke walk up to me, (I’m sitting in McDonalds having my morning dose of liquid crack – sweet tea) and ask to touch my feet. TRUE STORY

I had a thought for a blog. It was going to be the one that this blog has replaced. But I have to truly decide if my posting that would really serve any purpose. So I’m going to put a pin that.

I’ve been reading this blog of late http://theworldaccordingtowoman.wordpress.com and well all I can say is WOW. Reading her work has exposed me to a less than familiar part(from my mindset, or internal world view) of the feminine mind. wow, thinking about her blog and my reaction to it has illuminated something about myself as well. WELL DONE WOMAN!!!!!

I am still on this HASHTAG fascination.

#sixseasonsandamovie
#savetheplanet
#youarenotwhatyouown
#xmen

Humm,

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Humm, trying to silence the noise of the world for just a few minuets before the whirlwind.

♫ soundtracking “Magic Potion” by Flunk http://sdtk.fm/ye6Qvt

a pui tardi

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Is it the same?

… to bring…

logic to emotion instead of bringing emotion to logic?

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Wow, it’s almost the end…

Ok, one way to make up for lost blogging days….post your “drafts.”
Yeah, I think I’ve posted four or five blogs left on or is it “in” “draft” status. Of course, I believe that most of the were combined in another blog, but as I said in one, “oh well.”

I’m just pleased “TO BE.”.

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Now off to read some statistical analyses. Type to you next year. 👽👽👽👽😜

a pui tardi