Category Archives: trust

I think I’d become trapped, no, I had become trapped.

and I still am, but now recognised as traps. Did that make sense?


the trap of believing that one has to be a part of a pair in order to be complete.

the trap of emotion. (Ahh, here we go)
It isn’t often that I let anyone into my most personal space…my head.

“What on Earth do you mean?”
I mean, to occupy so much of mind that they become all I think about. That I wonder what they’re doing every minute of the day.

That was just too freakin odd. And I did not like that at all.

the trap, that, I think many people feel today. the trap of “what’s the sodding point?”

You know what, don’t feel like listing all of the traps. Let’s just lump it into the trap of LIFE.

But, as usual, the UNIVERSE parted the veil so that vision could be cleared….

The moment I let go of IT, was the moment I got more than I could handle.
The moment I jumped off of IT, was the moment I touched down.

I happened to be listening to Alanis Morissette this morning whilst driving somewhere. And the moment I sang those words….a sigh of relief.

So I’m letting go of IT.

that is today, right now as I write this

Oh, 2013 is the year of write and post. No editing, no self censoring. Just sayin’.

I am of peace


Ho ripulito la cartella bozze


Yep, cleaned out the ole drafts folder. Too many fragmented thoughts. Issues -that worth commenting on THEN, that aren’t terribly important now.

As I started my hydration sequence this morning, questions started to pop into my head. Questions like,

Why can’t you blog everyday?

Why won’t you blog everyday?

For “complete happiness” (whatever that may be) what would I be willing to give up?

Can I help someone who does not want to be helped?

Why should I even care?

When am I going to work on developing a “normal” sense of humour?

Can a person be too smart/intelligent? (I think I’ve asked this before)

Is it ego? Why can’t {insert name} just see that I am “right?”

All of that whilst having a bottle of water. Wowsers!

Ora, un tentativo di rispondere a poche, se quelle domande.

But in no particular order. 🙂

Of late, I am having to ask people to explain their “jokes” to me. I just don’t get them. It’s a wee be disconcerting when someone has to tell you, “thats supposed to be funny.” my response, a furrowed brow and a delayed laugh (if I like you) or my usual, “how is that funny?” Now don’t get me wrong, I find many things hilarious. I am chuckling right now. So the development of a sense-a normal sense- of humour is on the list.

This is a two-fer. I am he. He is me. We are..

This is an easy one. For “complete happiness” [whatever that is] I would give up….

I do have a lot to say. I have thoughts, ideas, moments of “clarity” – my BOOYAKITTY moments. But, just because I can say it, should I?

Yeah it is. However, there is something to learn from the experiences of others. It’s not really about being “right” or “wrong”.

Il gioco è fatto. 🙂

a pui tardi

"why do you do this?"

often asked, “why are you so obsessed with this internet?”
the answer came to me this morning
because, here i can try to express those things
that do not come out easily
here i can explore those things that exist in the silences of my mind
here i can think about things i have done

places i have gone
people i have met

hell i could be doing hundreds of less than helpful things

i could be out all night drinking
i could be shooting up junk in the bathroom
making it with punks on the floor

(ode to Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians)

i could be spending mone
y willy nilly
but no i blog
but no i vlog
i try to reach out
but i am here

are these people more important than i
can’t you focus on us

what is the point forever is a long time
and there are days when i feel as if
only i can see to the end
speaking of focus
did i mention
here i am not constantly
called a liar
here the past does not CONSTANTLY visit like the house guest who WOULD NOT leave this blogging thing
this vlogging thing

kinda sorta keeps me sane

ran across this this morning.

“The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn’t, matters not a jot. The possibility is always there.”

Monica Baldwin

well the day has to start

i long for the days, a few months ago
when relative peace and contentment reigned supreme
i worked, played with the kids, sat around and absorbed “life”
i had more laughs than tears
more joy then heartache
my heart breaks everyday
one phone call
one accusation
is all it takes

so, i am going to RTO
that one is me
the exploration of self
the exploration of emotion
the exploration of feelings
an ongoing endeavor

but honestly, no matter how many blogs i post
no matter how many vlogs i create
ultimately, I have to decide
am i going to continue in this maze

one day at a time