Category Archives: vlogging

music and messages contained therein

the lyrics used here were found on the interwebs. I’ve tried to correct them as best as I could.

You do recall that I LOVE MUSIC don’t you? I can listen to anything except Dixieland Jazz and hardcore Gangsta Rap. I can’t process the harmonics in Dixieland Jazz and the other…I think it’s just noise…rude noise. But that’s me. Lately I’ve been grooving to Miss Alanis Morissette. (Truth be told, I’m almost always grooving to her. We’ve grown up together. Her music is evidence of that. I digress) Two of her tunes in particular speak to my heart. The first is…

WIN and WIN

In my old days someone won
Those were days of win-lose
In those bleak times I was better
I sat high: looking down my nose

Changed direction: looking up
I am not worthy to be with you
We are separate, I’m inferior
I have yearnings to sit across from you

‘Cause we’re eye to eye
We are win and win
We are equal to each other
We are flames of twin
We are offspring of truth
We are partner-sister-brother

Both directions speak a lie
Up or down, I can feel you
As we battle with our power
We are separate, not looking across

‘Cause we’re eye to eye
We are win and win
We are equal to each other
We are flames of twin
We are offspring of truth
We are partner-sister-brother

These delusions of our grandeur
We are locked in the struggle
These lies of status lower
These conclusions, we’re in trouble

‘Cause we’re eye to eye
We are win and win
We are equal to each other
We are flames of twin
We are offspring of truth
We are partner- sister- brother

Same value…. same value….

The other Alanis Morissette song that speaks to me is..

receive

I wake up and first things first
I’m of service
I make sure your needs are met, I’m so selfless
I give hard and serve hard and now I, I need a break
I give big, I give all and now it’s time to regenerate

Today’s all about me, all about cup filling
Today’s all about me learning how, how to receive
How to receive,
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

I move on through offerings often one-sided
Being this low on list of worth: over-extended

I give hard, provide hard and now I need some relief
I look out, I proffer, and now I need some respite indeed

Today’s all about me, all about cup filling
Today’s all about me learning how, how to receive
How to receive,
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

My habit to love you first and me: remainders
Favoring you is so knee-jerk, leaves me a stranger
I give hard, impart hard and now I need to retreat
I give out, dedicate and now I need to acknowledge me

Today’s all about me, all about cup filling
Today’s all about me learning how, how to receive
How to receive,
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
How to receive
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
How to receive
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
How to receive
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
How to receive

Both can be found on …
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Who remembers The Tracey Ullman show? Do you recall the episode when one of the characters talked about having a theme tune to his life? I’ve always agreed! Once I heard Conjure One’s “Extraordinary Way,” I knew I found the theme tune to my life.

Extraordinary Way featuring Poe

What I have is nothing to my name
No property to speak of
And no trophy for my game
Intangible and worthless
My assets on the page
My coffers are empty
Any offer of safety has faded away
But what I have, what I have is

On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You take what I can give and you treasure it
On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You turn to me and say, I believe in this

That makes me lucky, God, I’m lucky
So much luckier than I ever thought I’d be
‘Cause what I have
(What I have)
Means so very little to this world

A promise that I kept
And a bridge that I saved before it burned
The sacrifice that I made
Brought me to my knees

A choice that cost me everything
And set somebody else free
But what I have is the value
That you see in these things

On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You take what I can give and you treasure it
On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You turn to me and say, I believe in this

That makes me lucky, God I’m lucky
So much luckier than I ever thought I’d be
‘Cause what I have is the value
That you see in these things

And every time I forget those things
You bring them right back to me

With your patience
When I’m blinding mad
And your passion
When I’m really, really bad

And your eyes, taking in everything I am
And your body and soul
And the way that you know
How I treasure you

On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You take what I can give and you treasure it
On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You turn to me and say, I believe in this

That makes me lucky, God, I’m so lucky
So much luckier than I ever thought I’d be

On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You take what I can give and you treasure it
On an ordinary day, the extraordinary way
You turn to me and say, I believe in this.

I can’t tell you what messages are contained therein. What you take away from each is up to you. Heck, the possibility exists that you’ll feel nothing. And guess what my friends. That’s ok.✌️

Well, I’m off out! A pui tardì!

I am of peace.

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I’ve been putting off thinking about it…

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That’s how much longer until I find out if all of the drugs have worked. I find out if the bleeding has stopped, if the mass has continued it’s lack of growth. (Dare I hope for a retreat? I can hope all I want!)

Wow, yesterday it was a year that I was diagnosed with this thing in my head. It was shortly thereafter, I was told that my prognosis was grim. In fact, I was told that if I made it to Halloween; it would be a miracle. Halloween came and went. The Drewster is still here. (I don’t know why I said “Drewster.” DON’T)
Then, “if you make it to the new year, count your blessings. You were/are really sick.” Well, it’s obvious that the new year has come and gone – and no, I’m not penning this from the other side, yeppers, I’m still…here.

The “emotional roller coaster” one rides when faced with pending mortality is a fucked up, vomitious, cry/rage fest that just cannot be adequately described.

So, imagine if you will; I am “waiting for the other shoe to drop.” I am waiting to just fall over and expire. But that isn’t happening. I feel like I’m dying. I feel like dying, but it just ain’t happening.
(No, I’m not)

Ok, so attempts at weaving ones tattered life BACK together begins. Wait a minute!! I was going to go one way with that, but I’d rather go another.

As I attempt to re-weave threads of connections and weave new connections, I’ve been afforded a wonderful opportunity to start relationships over or to leave these relationships go. The past year has shown me, just how strong of a thread I’ve used to weave the relationship.

I’m sorry about the “weaving” I’m thinking about RTO and watching a spider spin her web, the fragile appearance to some, yet deadly to others.

Surprisingly, it has been very easy to unravel connections that have been less than helpful. Some I just stopped trying to build with them. Others, simple explanations as to why I’ve unstitched the thread…when asked.

It has been equally easy to reinforce the stitch.

(heavy sigh)

I don’t know why.
I don’t know how.
I don’t know if it was prayer.
I don’t know if it was bathing in the gifts of white light.
I don’t know if it’s my latent mutant physiology.
I don’t know if it was diet.
I don’t know why.

I do know this.
NOW is much better than THEN and TOMORROW, well I’ll worry about that..tomorrow.

😆😜😃😝👽

a pui tardi
✌️

It’s kinda…odd…kinda strano…

To have strangers, strangers who have been allowed to enter your “world” (or at least one of your worlds,) via glimpses of thoughts posted here or there; “know” you and comment on things long since forgotten and to express…

So, a few questions..

is there a point in time when we “become” our online identities?

is your online identity the “authentic” you or a self perception?

have you ever been called out by a “fan” to prove that you “walk the walk and talk the talk?

have you ever wondered “is this, what I’m doing worth it?” but that then leads to other questions.

i’m just curious.

hummm, now shifting gears…

i am going to admit something that some may have already guessed.

i have issues.


yes, i am aware that if one is alive, one has issues. mine are special… 🙂 😆

but there are times when there is a disconnect -brain – no, tactful brain and mouth. there are times when human behaviour baffles the bejeebers out of me. one would think I was reared by emotionless androids or something.

the other day, someone expressed “love.”
not fully understanding, i tried to gloss over it. it did not make sense. “i must have misunderstood,” i thought.
REPEAT
ok, so i did not misunderstand. continue
“so you’re just going to ignore what I said?”
“thank you.”
” ‘thank you’ ???”
“i do not know how to respond.” i really didn’t.

INSERT CHIRPING CRICKETS

to make a longer story shorter, after being told why i was stunned.

as a rule, i don’t tell people how to feel or what to feel it’s not my place to tell anyone how they should feel. in this case. i could not remain silent.

“you do not know me to feel this way. we’ve never met and most likely never will. if my banter and conversations have lead you to believe otherwise, i apologise. but , if you look at it realistically, i am – to you, as you are – to me, a collection of photographs, screen captures and witticisms that don’t even scratch the surface of who we are. for you to say what you said makes no sense to me and continued discussion will only make me uncomfortable.”

that’s the gist of my reply. then the reply to the reply. then I stopped because continued discourse would only add paraffin to the fire.

this is the reason for the above q and a.

but now i am left with questions…not about that – that was just silly. but I wonder how many online “relationships (of romantic nature)” begin as such? there isn’t any way such a thing can last, can it?

heavy sigh…heavy sigh

i’m going to bed.

a pui tardi!

Yeah, it’s that time #photoadayApril

A few hrs early, but it’s in the bag…been put to bed.

#photoadayApril

Gearing up for…..

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Greetings, well met, hey how are ya?

It’s been a while since I’ve uttered those words. That was my opening on most of my YouTube vlogs. But, I’ve not been to the tube to vlog for (as the kids say) a minute.

Let’s see, what’s been happening? Still looking for gainful employment, but in the meantime, I’ve placed an advert for my new business venture.

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Just placed a new advert. The first, well the services those people wanted were services that I just don’t do, at least not for such inexpensive prices . LOL

Oh, here’s piece I worked on in an afternoon.

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I just want to put this one to bed. I’ve been working on it for too long.

a pui tardi.

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What the fuck are y’all talking about??????

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Dear Many Of My Facebook Friends,
What the fuck are y’all talking about??????
Sincerely, Zack de la Rouda

Now this may be some quote from some song I’ve never heard of, but it made me think.

So, drew, what is so “BOOYAKITTY” about that?

Well, it made me think and ask, what do I, are we talking about?

So, I took a look at my timeline to see just what my friends/”friends” and I “talk” about.

You know what I discovered?

I discovered that FB discussions range from…

health issues (BTW, please ring your parents about any health concerns BEFORE posting them on your timeline. It saves you from unnecessary drama, just sayin’)

Discussions on life and love. I mean, we’ve all read the impassioned, emphatic protestations of love and hate.

Children and pets. Our two and four legged friends seem to take up a lot of out discussions. I noticed that I had/have become one of those people who posts pictures of pets and other folks children.

Books, Television, Music and Movies- I am a GetGlue whore. So stickers about various movies, books, television shows litter my wall. I try to remember to disable the FB feed for GetGlue, but there are times when I forget. Speaking of music….holding on for MORTAL LONGING by Sleepthief.

Personal accomplishments/misfortunes. Be they birthdays, anniversaries, births, deaths or divorces. We seem to want to share them with our “subscribers/friends.” We need and want that “virtual” support.

Our drunken escapades. Is elaboration necessary? sidebar with employers and potential employers paying closer attention to what we do when away from the office, you may want to reconsider those Atlantic City drunken party pics (we have freedom of……STOP, right there because we don’t that is an illusion….a dream. We only have freedom of speech/expression when it does not offend others.)

Our individual causes and those things nearest and dearest to our hearts. And that really ranges from Atheism to sounding to zoology and all things in-between.

But to shuck this to the cob (yeah, I still like saying that), we are talking about are the things that matter to us at that moment. It may not be important to you, but consider this…your postings may not be important to us.

I think that we are reaching out the best way we can in a world where just in order to survive, we have to work 50 hours plus just to make rent. We are trying to build a community, albeit an electronic one, but a community nonetheless. We are trying to connect with people in a world where F2F contact is becoming a thing of the past. We are trying to be noticed.

I do not know if this was his purpose, but Zack……

Thanks!

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From Marvel Entertainment and GetGlue.com

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