Category Archives: We are the FUTURE

i am going to be all over the place with this one…

where do i want to start?
“the beginning is always a good place.”
i don’t want to go that far back.

well, it is almost a year that my life, my existence changed…forever.

ups and downs
hither and ‘yond
“life”
“death”
laughter
despair
loneliness – both complete and incomplete

as i sit here and type these words…these feelings into being….

i got up to get a granola bar and now i’ve forgotten what i was going to say. welcome to my world!!! 🙂 🙂

ahhhhh

i’ve often heard the phrase ‘the business of living’ but lately, i’ve been more concerned about or with ‘the business of death.’

i’ve discovered that there are varied ranges in cost and pomp in funeral preperation. (i now see why my mother did her advanced planning) even for the most (i think) simplest of services. (simple cremation and find a tree or a wood that wont be destroyed in months to come to make way for another mini-mall or housing complex an d spread my ashes.

i’ve seen the attempts at upselling casket liners…(really, at that point WHO THE HELL CARES???) types of caskets and/or memorial “take aways”, videos, plaques, laminated obituraries….all costing the bereaved thousands and thousands of dollars. what ever happened to the days of newspaper obituary listings. I was just AMAZED, floored, stunned, flabbergasted. Ahhhh, the little voice is speaking to me. She says…

drew, my dearest drew. funerals aren’t for the dead. they are for the survivors. the more elaborate and expensive the service, the more guilt the survivors have.

i don’t quite know what to make of that. so i’ll just walk away.

i made another jaw dropping realisation a few days ago. i wanted to sit with it, chew on it and see if the associated feelings were genuine or just poo.

i, of course decided that the feeling was genuine and from my perspective #truth. what was the realisation? i realised that in many cases….

i am a better friend to my friends than they are to me.

this is what i mean… you know what, an explanation is not really necessary. i say that not to dissuade discussion. i say it because it was/is how i felt. and we all know that there is very little logic when dealing with feelings.

and another thing.
there are times, when sitting in my chair, gazing out, i run scenarios through my head. those “if i hadn’t met ‘x’ my life would be different” kinda things.

yes, i am aware that of course things would be different. i’m not a complete goober.

i just think about how one encounter with someone – ripples through out …time.

i would murder for a lasagna and salad with a balsamic vinegar dressing. i will settle for carrot sticks and ranch dressing.

when did sex and sexuality become things used to define people? i am aware of the adage “sex sells,” but, it seems that it is everywhere now and with that the various aspects of sexuality. homosexuality, heterosexuality, asexuality, bisexuality, celibacy, abstinence, transexuality…what is the big bleeding deal? i don’t understand. that is just ONE, tiny aspect of a person. just ONE aspect. i’m walking away again.

whoa, now some states will allow businesses the right to deny service to LGBT people or anyone else who contradicts an owner’s religious beliefs. i don’t know if i am “pleased – let me explain about the use of ‘pleased’ that some bigots aren’t letting their love of the almighty dollar guide their consciences. what does it matter how someone spends their private time when they are ordering the best champagne and top tier meal? but i guess, poverty and hatred are more worthy than providing the BEST customer service to PAYING customers. great ceaser’s ghost! what the hell is happening to the world? What happened to tolerance?

i’ve discovered that i have two you tube channels. i kinda recall creating the second. i thought that i was signing in using my google account. i wasn’t. i was creating an account. oh well, i am not going to delete it. i’m thinking that it was created for some reason. i just have to figure out what that reason is. A thought was to let it be a channel for unedited thoughts/unguarded moments (as “unguarded” as one can be when being recorded). it will also be used to put what i’m reading into action Daring Greatly. i need to work on a few things and i think this may just be one of the many tools to help along the way.

i’m also going to start to minimise my online presence. what i mean by that. i am going to “shut down” some little used to not used vedekdrew sites. although i had a larger following on blogger, i believe that i’ll stick with wordpress for now. i’m kinda torn with regard to the online photo storage sites i use. flickr offers one TB of storage. i’ve already almost maxed out my dropbox account and my shoebox is best used on my portable devices.

i’ve tossed and turned with writing this. i’ve decided to go ahead.
if you’ve been following this blog/sporadic ramblings, you’ll recall that i am coming up on the one year anniversary of my…terminal diagnosis. the inoperable brain tumour/lesion/hole whatever its called. if you also recall, i shared with you that i was told that i (A.) wouldn’t live past All Hallows’ Eve (that Halloween to some). Then, I was told (B.) that if i made it past AHE, that it would be a miracle if i made it to the new year. guess what, the new year has come and gone.

well, it is 24 april 2014 and….i am still here. and dare i say it, today, i feel that all of the pain and suffering may have been worth it. (no not really)
i will share this with you. it is my opinion; it is my belief that NO MAN/WOMANshould EVERknow when they will or may expire. As the day approaches, one becomes some what paralysed with indecision. i admit, i am still ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop.’ those days when it takes every bit of reserve to just move…i think ‘today is the day.’ when i have that extra burst of energy, i recall stories of people who had that burst of energy before they died. yeah, that is where my head goes sometimes.

but, now, i’ve to decide on what is the next path for me. i am considered permanently disabled because of the inoperability of the tumour/lesion/hole thingie. but that leads to another problem. i’ll need to earn some money. living off of the investments, savings and insurance payments will eventually run out. i am unable to receive any help from the state as a result of my “income.” it is just frustrating. HOWEVER, i am much better off than others. i do not have to worry about having the electrics turned off or any of the other mod-cons. for now at least….but with this change that HAS TO BE MADE…

well. i am off out! i want to put this to “bed” and start the next one (finish the other on the clipboard.)

OH, ONE THING

there was a time, when mine was a very regimented, well-scheduled life/existence. i knew where i was supposed to be, what i was supposed to be doing, etc, etc, etc. somewhere along the line i adopted a ‘go with the flow attitude.’ i think that i am going to have to find a happy medium betwixt the two. i LIKE the idea of planning. i like the perceived “control.’ however, i also like the fluidity of the flow. arrrrrrgh

i do know that i have to return to a schedule. there are more than enough hours in the day to get what i want to complete – completed! i am going to play around with it – a schedule.

well, guess what, i am needed in another place in time… 🙂 \O/

a pui tardi

i am of peace

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Random “vedekdrew/Drew” trivia, part one of ???

If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
Trick question.

What does your latest text message from someone else say?
It’s already 80 here and of course I’M BOILING!!!

Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
It depends on my mood

If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
One of three things, either gardening, looking at the sky or taking pictures.

Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
Behind….sometimes I’ll snap a gpom

What does your URL mean?
It’s my online identity. It comes from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. A “Vedek” (comparable to a Cardinal or a Bishop) is the second highest level of the Bajoran religion, also make up the Vedek Assembly, the committee which is responsible for the spiritual issues of the Bajoran people. And Drew, well that’s another identity. 🙂

Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
Yes, one Summer almost every week-end

Who is your celebrity crush?
I have a “man crush” on Scott K. Foley. I also adore Kate Mulgrew

How do you vent your anger?
Depends on what or at whom I am angry.

Do you have a collection of anything?
I collect post cards

What the fuck are y’all talking about??????

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Dear Many Of My Facebook Friends,
What the fuck are y’all talking about??????
Sincerely, Zack de la Rouda

Now this may be some quote from some song I’ve never heard of, but it made me think.

So, drew, what is so “BOOYAKITTY” about that?

Well, it made me think and ask, what do I, are we talking about?

So, I took a look at my timeline to see just what my friends/”friends” and I “talk” about.

You know what I discovered?

I discovered that FB discussions range from…

health issues (BTW, please ring your parents about any health concerns BEFORE posting them on your timeline. It saves you from unnecessary drama, just sayin’)

Discussions on life and love. I mean, we’ve all read the impassioned, emphatic protestations of love and hate.

Children and pets. Our two and four legged friends seem to take up a lot of out discussions. I noticed that I had/have become one of those people who posts pictures of pets and other folks children.

Books, Television, Music and Movies- I am a GetGlue whore. So stickers about various movies, books, television shows litter my wall. I try to remember to disable the FB feed for GetGlue, but there are times when I forget. Speaking of music….holding on for MORTAL LONGING by Sleepthief.

Personal accomplishments/misfortunes. Be they birthdays, anniversaries, births, deaths or divorces. We seem to want to share them with our “subscribers/friends.” We need and want that “virtual” support.

Our drunken escapades. Is elaboration necessary? sidebar with employers and potential employers paying closer attention to what we do when away from the office, you may want to reconsider those Atlantic City drunken party pics (we have freedom of……STOP, right there because we don’t that is an illusion….a dream. We only have freedom of speech/expression when it does not offend others.)

Our individual causes and those things nearest and dearest to our hearts. And that really ranges from Atheism to sounding to zoology and all things in-between.

But to shuck this to the cob (yeah, I still like saying that), we are talking about are the things that matter to us at that moment. It may not be important to you, but consider this…your postings may not be important to us.

I think that we are reaching out the best way we can in a world where just in order to survive, we have to work 50 hours plus just to make rent. We are trying to build a community, albeit an electronic one, but a community nonetheless. We are trying to connect with people in a world where F2F contact is becoming a thing of the past. We are trying to be noticed.

I do not know if this was his purpose, but Zack……

Thanks!

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Hey! Well, I was going to…

…gripe about something. But now I can’t remember.

…share a thought or two about some things that have been knocking about in my head. But, I’ve realised that those thoughts need a little more knocking before I can share.

…finish a vlog that “needs” to be finished, but I just don’t feel like it.

…move, delete, compress even more files. How in the blue hades does one fill a t.b. so quickly? What’s after a terabyte?

Oh well…a pui tardi!

What does America mean to me?

now, I’m wondering how many of these are actually lost or perhaps combined or even used on another day. Oh well, “lost post # ???” 🙂

The New Colossus

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
“Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

Emma Lazarus, 1883

That is my first thought….

How long…

does anyone else have trouble recalling past blogs? Did I do this one here, on perhaps on YouTube?

Query: realistically, how long can a person blame their parents/caregivers for the “crap” of their lives?

I ask this because, lately I’ve been hearing “I’m this way because my mom didn’t do this.”

“I’m this way because my dad was never home.”

I am a bit bothered by this. I’m asking myself, “What about … PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY?”

It seems to me that’s what is lacking in the world today. We choose to place blame at the feet of others as opposed to “man-ing up” and saying that we are because of decisions I made. My life “sucks” not because my mom didn’t buy me a pair of trainers or

distilled into a few simple sentences….the past few years have been a reboot…i hope…parte ho finito!

and to sum all of the less than helpful thing that have happened…I’ve discovered (thanks to Iris G. and I guess,  Oprah Winfrey) that..

Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past. –Unknown

It is as simple as that.  Well, it is really two-fold. I must remember that… “Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past.

I must also remember that…

“Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.” – Carl Jung

and that by…

Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.” – Carl Jung

and lastly, you are familiar with my mantra….. aren’t you?

🙂 so it was “five-fold.”

a pui tardi