Tag Archives: sex

Let’s see where this goes

looking out of my window, I realise that I’ve treated this blog just like I treat my handwritten journal. I use them -religiously – for days, sometimes weeks on end. Then, one day…BAM nothing.  And that of course, goes for weeks on end too! Of course, during those “nothing” periods, “something” is happening, but nothing that I’m willing to share—during the EVENT.

So, guys and gals, go put a kettle on, get your favourite biscuits and prepare to ask…WTF? 😜

  • I’ve been feeling “disconnected” lately. I was standing in the kitchen a few weeks ago. My housemate and I were doing our “dinner prep dance” then all of a sudden, the feeling of being disjointed – disconnected washed over me. There I was, standing in the middle of the kitchen, feeling apart of, yet removed from the activity around me. Why? Why? Hummmm, more about that later. 13 April- I’ve identified the feeling of disconnection. I should say that I think that I’ve identified it. For the past few years, I’ve been afraid of …the next step. As a result, I removed myself from day to day face to face interactions. I pay my bills online. I shop online. My meds are delivered to me. My health is monitored remotely. So, for all intents and purposes, I had no real reason to leave the house.  So, I’ve not really had any reason to engage or be engaged. As a result, those things that come so easily to others, I believe it is called “small talk” becomes a BLOODY chore. Of course that is just a thumbnail account.
  • I’ve been having these internal conversations. Now, I’ve had them before. Walking ones self through a procedure and stuff like that. Well, these internal conversations have been, what I now call, ” dark side, uncensored conversations” basically, those are the meanest, vilest, most “are you a FRAKING idiot for saying -insert topic- ?” kinds of conversations.  These, although disturbing, have actually assisted with my day to day interactions. That surprised the Koss out of me! LOL!!! 13 April- those internal conversations have become external and as a result, dare I say some realisations have been made. That if I could have and actually give voice to those thoughts then as a few of the “targets” have come to realise, the “shit must be bad.” Pity, that I had to paint the ugliest picture to affect change. That is a pity. 
  • …”There are some things about which I just don’t care. Can’t name them all here. Hummm. … … 😜”

“War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other’s children.” President Jimmy Carter

  • Let’s look through the ole leather bound to see, what I’ve forgotten. 
  • I’ve returned to my study of magic. I prefer ” magick.” More importantly, I’m back to the study of spells and talismen. That’s been an ongoing study for decades now. 
  • Ran into an old sci-fi club acquaintance. He and I would often debate: Immortality- Pros and Cons. And one of his thoughts, is that immortality was/is some type of fountain of youth. I, on the other, contend that one would still age, but at a certain point, organs would regenerate, yada yada ya. Then the voice said, he’s talking age, you’re talking passage of time. Aren’t they the same things? “Yes and no. However, I’ve not the energy to explain.

Instead of moving forward, mankind….some of mankind seems to be moving backward. I live in a state where it will be legal to refuse service to someone if the owner/manager feels that the patron violates some “moral” code of conduct. That law seems to be sweeping the country.  Most are focusing on only ONE aspect of this “moral” code. They’ve, I believe, yet to see how this can and will affect everyone.  14 April Can morals be regulated, legislated, dictated?  I’d like to think that I’m a pretty moral fella. However, I don’t feel the need to practise a “mainstream” religion. I don’t care if two men or women want to marry.  If the races want to mix and multiply, have at it! I don’t hate Muslims and don’t think that they are all “evil.” I don’t think that I have to accept any one deity I don’t want to accept.  Some of, many of my beliefs and philosophies are so counter to this “moral code.” I guess I’m screwed!   Moving on……..

I “prepared” for IT. IT didn’t happen.  IT will happen.  But now that IT didn’t/hasn’t happened, what to do? Of course, being grateful is first on the list, but “moving on and living” just doesn’t sum up the “what to do.” I think that is going to be a follow up discussion too.

  • What am I not in the business of? Yep, that’s right!!! LOLπŸ˜œπŸ˜‚πŸ˜„ I’m not in the business of being right or wrong. HOWEVER, it is rather pleasing to be right.  LOL, I know, how  unevolved am I? I’m human in this moment so litigate against me.  πŸ˜œπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜„πŸ˜ with that said….

  • One of my TOP ONE MILLION PET PEEVES. People who have to constantly remind people “how much more intelligent and smart I am.” I just look and nod. All the while, I’m thinking, a real intellectual does not have to announce it – on a daily basis…several times a day and then seek confirmation.  LOL!  Meow meow
  • Sexuality and sex. gender identification and orientation…are all different things. Why can’t legislators just allow “THE PEOPLE” to govern their respective personal lives?  Why, is it that the country everyone runs to, or used to run to because it was the beacon to personal freedom seeks to legislate one of the MOST sacred personal freedoms; the freedom to choose who we love?

This wraps up this instalment. I may update this later. I may just tap out another one. Who the Koss knows?

πŸ˜œπŸ˜‚πŸ˜

  • Love, in my youth, I admit I sought her out. FAIL!! As I matured, I stopped looking for LOVE and thought that LOVE would find me. REALLY, DID I REALLY THINK THAT WOULD HAPPEN? So, now, I enjoy the “freedom” of having no significant other. However, there are times when I’d welcome the “shackles” of having a sig. However, as I type this, I realise that the words used are perhaps an indication of how I view romantic entanglements.πŸ˜±πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ‘»

14 April – It’s time to put this baby to bed.

I’m sitting here in my chair, listening to Friday Night Dinner, gazing out my window. Realisation.. despite everything, I am of peace. That sustains me. It also sustains others. Here’s something else that I believe. I believe that through a combined force of WILL, there are groups, communities of people who are also “of peace” and through their efforts we, as a species have not wiped ourselves out. We’ve come so close. Yet…

I’ve lost that train.

I’m wrapping up with a rhetorical here.

Why is it so difficult to just do the “right” thing?


A pui tardΓ­



Random “vedekdrew/Drew” trivia, part one of ???

If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
Trick question.

What does your latest text message from someone else say?
It’s already 80 here and of course I’M BOILING!!!

Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
It depends on my mood

If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
One of three things, either gardening, looking at the sky or taking pictures.

Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
Behind….sometimes I’ll snap a gpom

What does your URL mean?
It’s my online identity. It comes from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. A “Vedek” (comparable to a Cardinal or a Bishop) is the second highest level of the Bajoran religion, also make up the Vedek Assembly, the committee which is responsible for the spiritual issues of the Bajoran people. And Drew, well that’s another identity. πŸ™‚

Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
Yes, one Summer almost every week-end

Who is your celebrity crush?
I have a “man crush” on Scott K. Foley. I also adore Kate Mulgrew

How do you vent your anger?
Depends on what or at whom I am angry.

Do you have a collection of anything?
I collect post cards

Thursday, 21 November 2013 : I am SO BLOODY tired of people….

desktop clear-off

…saying that I have a “shitty” attitude, especially when my attitude hasn’t changed…much.

So, because I am a man who, when told – no when an observation is made about my behaviour that I am behaving churlishly, takes a step back to analyse and make the proper adjustments. (If that makes any sense.)

So, lets see, what have I done?
I’ve made it clear that I will answer questions put to me without hyperbole and half truths.
I’ve made it clear, that at this juncture in my life, that I will only do what I want to do, when I want to do it.
I’ve made it clear that if asked my opinion, that I am going to offer it. I am sorry that my opinion differs from the one wanted.
I’ve made it clear that whatever is left of my “estate” will be donated to charity. (Not like I have much) I’ve no children or mate and my brother has more than enough money to live and live well.
I’ve made it clear that I want to “live” and not just exist.
I’ve made it clear that I am not interested in the banal. (Who am I to determine what is banal or not? I am the person who has to listen to the shyte and if all one can talk about is Lady Gaga and the AMA, I am definitely NOT interested.)
I’ve made it clear that just because “you” refuse to acknowledge that I’ve a short self life that doesn’t mean that I will bury my head in the sand and pretend that all is well.

So, I guess that does make me an arsehole with a “shitty” attitude. (jejejeje no pun intended)

Moving on to “passive/aggressive behaviour.” I am, believe it or not, almost a half a century old. In that time, I have realised that instead of pouting and trying to do end runs around people, that I “confront,” I question that person face to face instead of posting queries on social networks or saying less than helpful things KNOWING that it is going to get back to me. then when I ask, the statement is denied. This is what it boils down to, or at least this is what it should boil down to, if you don’t like something I’ve said, something I’ve done, TELL ME. I am the ONLY one who can explain my actions and walking around like a badger with a sore nose serves no one any good.

Ok, I’ve recently posted a “joke” on FaceBook that seems to have folk in an uproar. I don’t get it. Here was the post.

Gotcha! It’s a game. You should have never commented or liked my status. HAHAHA! You fell into the trap. The person who likes/comments has to choose one of the following to post as his/her Status, Profile or Cover photo. 1. We eloped! 2. We’re getting married. 3. We’re engaged 4. Wedding bells 5. Engagement ring 6. I’m moving to another country. 7. I’m expecting 8. Ultrasound 9. I just bought a new Ferrari. 10. I just got a pet Alligator. 11. I’m still in love with my ex. 12. I’m in love with a stripper. 13. I’m a stripper on weekends. Make it believable and juicy! Note: You cannot explain anything, just post and leave it up for a few days and INBOX only your victims. I’m also a victim lol btw this is one dumb ass game.

forgot where I was going with this one.

A pui tardi!

A few things..

Hi!

I really do appreciate those new subscribers. You folk are the best! Of, course those guys and gals who have been there/here from the beginning, you are the crΓ¨me de la crΓ¨me of followers βœŒοΈπŸ˜€πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜Ί

HEALTH UPDATE
I’m still a medical fascination. I don’t really know what else to say other than, it’s not the best…Goddess knows, it’s not the worst, but, my “way of life” noooooooo, the “way I lived” has changed! Has it changed for the better? I don’t know. I guess that is something that….only time will tell πŸ™‚

The Universe takes care of her own.

I’ve been super excited, super bummed for the past few days. A friend, a close friend of mine returns home tomorrow to have his worst dream realised and, honestly, I’m not really up to offering any support. It’s not that I don’t want to offer it. It’s that I just do not have it in me. I am drained, in ways I didn’t think possible.

I have a bunch of “fears” associated with this reunion as well. Now, let’s see how I can say this without sounding like a twat.
As we, individuals, navigate our way through life, lessons are learned.
As we learn these “life lessons” our experiences, our way of interacting with our community changes.
As we incorporate these changes into our lives, we “evolve.

What if, because of separation our paths have diverged so much, that continued association would be counterproductive?
I am recalling how the last reunion went….not fondly, but not horribly either. Oh well, there is no need to borrow trouble.

Let’s see, what else?
Well, as some of you know, my mother, the woman from whose loins I sprang, died a few years ago. Her death left a hole in my soul that can never be filled. More recently, the Lady Donna, my “Ivory mother” died…in front of us…no warning. Another lurch, my world torn asunder, another hole, irreparably ripped in my soul. Wow, two of the most important women in my life gone…in the blink of an eye. I grieve, but it is more important that I live up to their legacies.

With certain realisations, my muse has returned. So, I’ve been freezing moments in time! I’ve been playing with colour -electronic style. And film, I’ve shot a few rolls of film. (I hope they come out well.) I’ll post them on my Flickr page.

Hey, something just occurred to me. I do not believe that anyone has ever answered a question asked ages ago; “To whom does the Father confessor confess?” But as I ask it again, I’m thinking that it’s probably much like “to whom does a therapist talk when he/she is troubled?”

I’ve decided to get up and go out. I it make take me an hour to get there, but I want to eat — to have a bite or two of something out. (I don’t say “eat” anymore because…..)

So, I’ll post snaps later. Fill you in on my sojourn to nutritional bio-matter. And anything else that comes to mind.

whoa did I mention that I’m considering a name change for the blog? No? Well, I am….I think it’s time for a change.

A pui tardi!

I am of peace 99.9% of the time. πŸ™‚

I’ve been tested and was found lacking/ When “good” people think “bad” thoughts and a general WTF?????

PICTURE IT, Virginia Beach, Virginia 2013….

I’m in my quarters, minding my own business and I was asked a silly question. NOW, I realise that it was a test…..NOW I realise that. Then I did not. In my annoyance, I, Drew, snapped!

“Why would you ask me a stupid question like that, I bellowed?”


Keep in mind friends, that she used that IRRITATING, cutie baby voice that I’m discovering a lot of grown women think is cute when trying to manipulate a male, a voice that DRIVES ME CRAZY.

Keep in mind friends, I hear the little voice in my head saying; “Check your tone. Check your words. Check your attitude. Breathe….. breathe….breathe!”
But something, just kept pushing me…forcing me to…be the ginormous arsehole that I can be, have been and most likely will be in future.

Why ask that?

Who said that about you?

Why do you constantly need the adoration of people who don’t care if you’re dead or alive?

What, you’ve not received the amount of attention required to make you feel complete?

What, do you need ANOTHER pat on the back to build your ego?

What is the fucking purpose of this dialogue?

What do you want me to say?

I don’t have time for this shit, get the fuck out of my face.


She fled and the wretched thing about it, I then followed her through the house…badgering, picking, antagonising until, in a stream of tears and sobs, she literally runs out of the house.
With no one else left on which to pick, reason set in and I started questioning my behaviours.

“Drew Alden, what the frak just happened there?”
“Drew Alden, WTF?”
“Drew Alden, did you stroke out for a minute?”
“Drew Alden, can we say MPD?”

After reflection…
The question was NOT what ticked me off. But as I re-read this, the question itself was but one catalyst. Additional factors were the way it was asked (that bloody voice). Her sanctimonious expression she used (one that should have told me that she needed ego stroking; an expression she used before when needing to have her ego stroked).

Just her entire carriage offended me and I lashed out!

But why Drew? Nothing has changed, she is now, what she was then and what she will be in future.

I believe it is because I’ve never one who sought out accolades and it baffles me when some only do “helpful” things when they will reap some reward, be it tangible or intangible. I’ve never really had that problem. If I believe that my motives are pure, I don’t really give a rip what anyone else thinks. I have never been one who required the consensus of his friends in order to make a decision. When I do something, I do it for the cosmic return of helpful energy. I was stunned, amazed, baffled and a few more adjectives that I can’t recall. BUT WHY???

I can’t answer why….right now. Perhaps in a few weeks, it will all be made clear.

Now, on to another thing…

Have you ever had a thought, one that is “so unlike you” that it baffled you?

Whoa, what was I thinking
Why did that come to mind?
Could I really do that to someone and keep them alive?
Can one do that and keep a person alive?
Would he/she really be missed?
I could cut you from navel to nose and not sweat a drop.

You know, thoughts like that! I won’t mention the other thoughts I’ve had. Let’s just say that it would make any alleged thoughts had by Caligua (minus the incest) seem virginal. (Is that even a word, "virginal?")

I just find it odd, that these admittedly violent thoughts enter my head and for a moment I play them out. I look for areas of improvement. I see the events unfold before my eyes. :-0 momentary contact with a parallel universe perhaps? πŸ™‚ However, when reason returns… πŸ™‚ that and the fact that I’m too pretty for prison. LOL!!!

As I type, I am reminded of an episode of Star Trek where Spock (TOS), no, it was Tuvok (Voyager), humm perhaps it was T’Pol (Enterprise) (it was one of those Vulcans) who said that it is not the destruction of emotions, but its mastery of emotion that Vulcans seek. To master those less than helpful thoughts, feelings, musings into something helpful. Oh well, that thought is gone!

I have a LOT of things I need to wrap up! I’ve projects on my desk, desktop and in various places in the yard that need to be completed soon before I take on anything else. I also have some vlogging to do. Busy busy busy..

I did tell you that this was going to be a “WTF” entry. A hodgepodge of thoughts if you will.


Oh, the latest piece commissioned by the Lady Donna.

20130820-153635.jpg
For some reason, I decided to overlay a cloud picture. Why? Because I could. πŸ˜›

Oh, health update: I’m still here. I am beginning to feel a bit more like my old self more and more. The docs still won’t let me drive. I have been forbidden to return to the gym. I can’t be outside for extended periods of time and the big kick in the crotch, I need to have a chaperone whenever I leave the house. REALLY!!!!!! I’m like 1/2 a billion years old and I’m not allowed out without a playmate!!! LOL!!!! I can’t even participate in the 30 day squat challenge. Something about inter-cranial pressure, oedema (oh my goodness, oedema=dropsy, who knew?) I need to do something because I’m becoming flabbier around the middle than usual. The tumour has decreased in size (horizontally) but there is still swelling and a mysterious bleed. I’ve to schedule another MRI within the next few weeks. I discovered today, that I have HUGE gaps in memory. It isn’t as difficult, but I am still having trouble “thinking.” Additionally, there are times when an appendage will just start to shake – uncontrollably, lasting for a few seconds. However, those “seconds” feel like minutes!

Flip the script although I can’t do a lot of things, I am able to do things differently. For example, humm, can’t really think of anything right now. But I know that I am able to do some things, that I never made time for in past.

I am going to end…this entry here. The next entry, which may be posted later today, well….stay tuned…

same time
same channel
most likely SSDD

A pui tardi!

I am of peace…most of the time.

No really, I am! πŸ™‚

A quickie

If our thoughts shape our respective worlds/realities; then those who think, breathe “whatever.” That “whatever” becomes our reality? Ok, that’s NOT where I wanted to go with that. Once again the train has left the depot and I’m watching it speed off. Oh well πŸ˜œπŸ˜†

Listening to world around me. I hear jet planes in the distance. Crickets doing their thing. The distant chirp of a blue jay.

The rains are coming.
Splash, drop I felt a few
I think I shall sleep well tonight.
I’ve had a full day.
But for the life of me, I can’t tell you what I’ve done.
That’s kinda … humm.

a pui tardi!

I am of peace..most of the time.
✌😜

como de costumbre, soy curiosa

bien cuando llegΓ³ a ser sexy …

Some people are into bondage … and some people are into cross dressing … and some people are into Coldplay. It’s okay, I don’t mind being a fetish.” – Chris Martin

Ok, this is what I do. I see things; I hear things and they get me to wondering…

When did it become sexy to spit and/or pee on someone? Let alone, the other stuff that is done in the name of sexual expression?

ok, as I wrote that, the voice said that I already know the answer to those questions.

Now, back in my day; to spit at someone was a sign of disrespect; of contempt; to spit on someone was just an invite to a beat down period. You know the same for pee. Now, according to stuff I’ve seen, it is sexy. There is a whole genre for it. Humm

So now I’m thinking…
I am familiar with the whole … ahh, theory behind such fetish behaviours, but it just seems mixed to me. I sit here and wonder just what happened…to make that seem enjoyable. I don’t know. I am going to have to explore this. (ewww, no, not personally. The idea of being spat upon, let alone … makes me a wee bit queasy) and I shouldn’t “ewww” it just because I can’t/don’t understand it.

 

hummm

 

a pui tardi